I have always struggled with suicidal ideation. I don't think a day has gone by in well over 20 years that it hasn't crossed my mind. Even when everything in my life was right side up and going well. For some reason my flashbacks have been overwhelming this past week and I haven't been able to calm nor distract myself. My mind and memories are a constant movie of trauma, abuse. The ideation has turned to an obsession. I've been in regular contact with my Dr. and crisis intervention people. Doing all the right things but I just can't seem to pull myself out of this funk. The flashbacks are all focused around the worst abuses I endured. Historically there is usually a trigger of some sort for them yet I cannot identify one for this flurry. I've been in the local psych hospital before and unfortunately they subscribe to the abuse and overuse of drugs that keep one stoned and in la la land. Was there for five days and never saw, let alone talked to a counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist; anybody that could help. It inflicted more damage than it did help for me or otherwise I'd go in a heartbeat. I crave a support group of my PTSD peers. My therapist advised me that support groups aren't a "thing" here. There aren't even any for domestic abuse survivors. Unreal in this day and age. All of my siblings, two brothers and a sister, committed suicide. Fighting an uphill battle? Feels like it. Is this normal for PTSD? I really need for the movies to stop but find myself at a loss as to how. I've used all of the tricks in my bag of tricks. Prayers, positive vibes needed.