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I don't know what to do anymore. I am sick and tired of living here. I am sick and tired of living with my mom and fighting with her all the time. She makes me out to be a liar and denies ever spanking me as a child even though i remember those things clearly and i do not lie. I am sick and tired of it. She denies ignoring and me and not being very attentive to me as a child also, and i am sick and tired of it. She acts like she did nothing wrong. She has no idea what i went through with my sister as a child, who lives with me still.. I cant get away from her. I hate her. I hate her voice. I hate her being around me. I hate it.
As a child I was physically, emotionally, verbally, and sexually abused by my sister. She's 2 years older than me. She was always so mean to me. She stole things from me. My toys, Barbies, Dolls, and even the little friends i ever had she took from me and got them to be her friends. She used to throw toys at my head too. And sometimes she would lock me in the closet for like two minuets. She would put something in front of the door so i couldnt get it. It was pitch dark in there and very stuffy and hot. It was terrible. And then sometimes she would put her hand over my mouth and i felt like i couldnt breathe, it was very scary. My mom has NO IDEA she even did this stuff to me and she thinks that my sister is an angel and never did anything wrong. She even said to me a few weeks ago that me and my sister used to get along great... No we did not. It just looked that way. I was very afraid of her when i was a kid and still am.
She sexually abused me until i was 12... and no one even noticed. She did it very secretly. My mom has NO IDEA about it. She doesnt know that this happened to me. She doesnt know that my sister did this to me. Every time me and her get into an argument i want to scream out, "MY SISTER SEXUALLY ABUSED ME!!!!!" But i dont. Because for one I dont want my sister on my back and i dont want her to come after me or something scary like that, and i honestly think she would. And two because i HIGHLY doubt my mom would believe me over my spoiled, selfish, bratty sister. I hate that i cant just scream it out. It puts a lot of pressure on me to keep quiet about it. It's a terrible feeling. Its at the tip of my tongue during EVERY SINGLE argument and our arguments are an everyday thing..
Im so lost. I dont know what to do. I need to get that out off the tip of my tongue before i go crazy. It's driving me nuts. My mom is probably wondering why i cant be around my disgusting piece of crap sister. Well i wish i could just TELL HER why. But i refuse to. SHe wont believe me anyways. She doesnt believe me about anything anyways. She didnt believe me when i told her one of my ex boyfriends raped me all the time she WILL NOT believe me that MY SISTER sexually abused me. I know it already... I dont know what to do.. Im lost. Im scared im gonna scream it out and then im going to get the crap beat out of me by my sister... when she gets mad shes extremely terrifying. I hate to say this but i think this will be on the tip of my tongue forever unless i get angry enough to let it all out. Ive come close to that plenty of times these past few arguments...
This wreaks havoc on my nerves and it makes me EXTREMELY anxious. I feel like telling someone else in my family so that it will somehow get back to my mom so that i dont have to tell her in an argument myself. I need to ... I feel like telling my aunt who i was close with as a child. I really do. But i dont know how she will react. And at this point i really dont care. It needs to come out. I cant keep having it there on the tip of my tongue 24/7 even when im not arguing with my mom its there.
As a child I was physically, emotionally, verbally, and sexually abused by my sister. She's 2 years older than me. She was always so mean to me. She stole things from me. My toys, Barbies, Dolls, and even the little friends i ever had she took from me and got them to be her friends. She used to throw toys at my head too. And sometimes she would lock me in the closet for like two minuets. She would put something in front of the door so i couldnt get it. It was pitch dark in there and very stuffy and hot. It was terrible. And then sometimes she would put her hand over my mouth and i felt like i couldnt breathe, it was very scary. My mom has NO IDEA she even did this stuff to me and she thinks that my sister is an angel and never did anything wrong. She even said to me a few weeks ago that me and my sister used to get along great... No we did not. It just looked that way. I was very afraid of her when i was a kid and still am.
She sexually abused me until i was 12... and no one even noticed. She did it very secretly. My mom has NO IDEA about it. She doesnt know that this happened to me. She doesnt know that my sister did this to me. Every time me and her get into an argument i want to scream out, "MY SISTER SEXUALLY ABUSED ME!!!!!" But i dont. Because for one I dont want my sister on my back and i dont want her to come after me or something scary like that, and i honestly think she would. And two because i HIGHLY doubt my mom would believe me over my spoiled, selfish, bratty sister. I hate that i cant just scream it out. It puts a lot of pressure on me to keep quiet about it. It's a terrible feeling. Its at the tip of my tongue during EVERY SINGLE argument and our arguments are an everyday thing..
Im so lost. I dont know what to do. I need to get that out off the tip of my tongue before i go crazy. It's driving me nuts. My mom is probably wondering why i cant be around my disgusting piece of crap sister. Well i wish i could just TELL HER why. But i refuse to. SHe wont believe me anyways. She doesnt believe me about anything anyways. She didnt believe me when i told her one of my ex boyfriends raped me all the time she WILL NOT believe me that MY SISTER sexually abused me. I know it already... I dont know what to do.. Im lost. Im scared im gonna scream it out and then im going to get the crap beat out of me by my sister... when she gets mad shes extremely terrifying. I hate to say this but i think this will be on the tip of my tongue forever unless i get angry enough to let it all out. Ive come close to that plenty of times these past few arguments...
This wreaks havoc on my nerves and it makes me EXTREMELY anxious. I feel like telling someone else in my family so that it will somehow get back to my mom so that i dont have to tell her in an argument myself. I need to ... I feel like telling my aunt who i was close with as a child. I really do. But i dont know how she will react. And at this point i really dont care. It needs to come out. I cant keep having it there on the tip of my tongue 24/7 even when im not arguing with my mom its there.
I come from a similar background, although I was messed with by little playmates instead, and my parents smacked me around a lot and I don't know which was worst, probably the latter. My parents are in deep denial of all that.
You should also consider that if your sister did that to you as a kid then she was almost certainly also abused sexually by someone. It's not an excuse, just something to keep in mind.
Good Luck with everything!
Tell them what happened & that you are not in a safe environment now.
They have ppl you can talk to 24hrs a day, and resources for you on housing, etc.
Good luck, my thoughts are with you! You do not deserve to be treated this way, you deserve better, youre worth it! ((hugs))
You should be able to feel safe, feel like you belong there...not like you need to keep secrets from people, that you need to lie in order to be left alone. Clearly, your sister has been saying things to your mom behind your back...and obviously untrue things. If you can't tell your mom or other family members due to lack of trust...or them being in denial...contact a local crisis line!! They're confidential and will try to help you in any way they can. :) Please, look after yourself.
You may not be able to choose your family...but you can choose how you associate with them.