Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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I apparently can't think about all the things I am never going to do because of my brain not working right.
I will never have a kid( can't handle it ), I will never finish college or get a master's, I will never not be poor and struggling, I will never start my own business( too disabled), I will never have my own house built.
I know all this. But those dreams...
I have to learn how to get rid of those dreams, because they're dangerous. Not in the sense of I might do them, in the sense that having them and knowing they will never happen leads me to think killing myself is a good idea. Because I'll never have these things I have dreamed of.
I'll never really get better, I have been tired for 10 years. It's not going to go away. There's nothing really medically wrong with me, i'm just Nuttier than grandma's fruitcake.
I've just had 40 ounces of coffee and I could sleep. I am not going to get better. I am merely going to get older. I wish I could make an end of it without hurting people, you know?
This mood will pass on its' own, or with a little self-injury if needed. Don't worry, I don't want to be worried about.
I will never have a kid( can't handle it ), I will never finish college or get a master's, I will never not be poor and struggling, I will never start my own business( too disabled), I will never have my own house built.
I know all this. But those dreams...
I have to learn how to get rid of those dreams, because they're dangerous. Not in the sense of I might do them, in the sense that having them and knowing they will never happen leads me to think killing myself is a good idea. Because I'll never have these things I have dreamed of.
I'll never really get better, I have been tired for 10 years. It's not going to go away. There's nothing really medically wrong with me, i'm just Nuttier than grandma's fruitcake.
I've just had 40 ounces of coffee and I could sleep. I am not going to get better. I am merely going to get older. I wish I could make an end of it without hurting people, you know?
This mood will pass on its' own, or with a little self-injury if needed. Don't worry, I don't want to be worried about.
I slept a lot in my marriage because my ex wasn't meeting my needs for affection. I still sleep because some days there isn't anyone. But I don't see allowing anyone in like that again.
I have always experienced being alone as pain and sadness. But living with my ex was more painful, and no less lonely than living alone. It was probably worse, really. I eventually figured out I could not rely on not getting shouted at unless I only spoke when spoken to.
So I am going to be unhappy, that's inevitable. I have to learn to cope, is all.
I probably seem ungrateful, honestly, I have people who love me. I just won't ever risk letting them all the way in to destroy me.