* hugs * I'll be sending warm thoughts and positive prayers your way, as you navigate through all of this.

Thank you. I was explaining to someone that I'm in kind of a rut. I didn't land the gig, but another business opportunity presented itself. (AND I got offered an even better gig on top of it.) AND I'm starting to date someone who genuinely seems to care about me. I'm just so scared of losing it all.

One of the things that I often tell people is that -- at its core -- PTSD is an anxiety disorder.

And there's no doubt that many self-medicate in order to tamp down this anxiety (or relieve the pain of reliving their traumas).

If you're interested, you can Google a bit, and find lots of additional (non-destructive) tools that can help manage the anxiety.

I wish you peace, health, and strength.

David speaks wisely. If necessary, substitute a "tic" when you want something "bad" for you. My mother, in beating her alcoholism, would flick her thumb nail on her index finger nail, over and over. Some people snap a rubber band on their wrists to "break" the cyclical thinking. No idea if that's useful, but supportive purrs going youir way!

Practice them now, so they become habit. It's better to practice when you are not agitated, so your brain can synthesize them to memory. Then they will come easier when you are agitated.
I shared a simple 8 minute tai chi on Calypso. This can also aid you in defining what is good functioning of the oxygen process of healing. I also use it for grounding when agitated.

Depending on the use of alcohol you may be experiencing withdrawal, also sugar withdrawal (high content). That will wane as you stay off it. Morphine actually slows your system, it may be better to practice your tools than to trade one addition for another.

Hugs. J.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNtWqDxwwMg

"Flicked her thumb nail." That actually made me laugh. It seems so simple...but hey! If it works, it works! I used to wear a rubber band for my cutting issues. (I haven't cut in yeeears. As an adult, that would be laughable and senseless.) May be I should start wearing a rubber band whenever I have an urge to drink or use. No harm in trying, right?
Oooh, tai chi! I've always wanted to practice that. I'll look it up now!

Hugs to you. Just wondered if u were a member of the alcoholics member board here on Ds. People there may ha w some good suggestions of how to cope.

Just checked on ur profile and u are a member of that group. Have they been any help?

Glad to hear that it worked for a while! I've also had some success with pressure points (press on a specific spot on my body whenever I felt calm/content, pressing it helped me calm when I was upset) but they wear out after a while.

What also helped me was to learn martial arts. I'm not a violent person by nature, but I do have a lot of anger bottled up inside me, and that can sometimes make me a mean, manipulative bitch. Martial arts gave me an outlet for some of that with the additional benefit of knowing how to defend myself.

I feel you on the father thing. Mine is a total f*cking *#&\"$+. (Not entirely his fault, he's bipolar, and a rather extreme case at that, and refuses to be treated). He's verbally, emotionally and psychologically abusive and the most manipulative person I've ever met. And I look like a female clone of him. You'd never guess my mother and I are even related, but I look so much like him it's scary.
I used to be unable to look at my face in the mirror for more than a few seconds. What helped with that was having my hair cut. He has really long hair and so did I, but since I've cut it, I look significantly less like him, so now I can actually stand the sight of my own face. Yay me.
But it's not only looks, I also move like him, speak like him, have the same smile and the same laugh... And one of my worst fears is ever becoming like him.

I'll stop rambling now... I agree with the others, practicing the grounding techniques regularily will probably make them work better.

popping morphine is no solution. i can't believe no one has said this. incredibly dangerous.

Healing is a journey, not a destination. I solidly believe the setbacks are Nature's way of reminding us that we are not trash; we don't need to throw ourselves away because of a few broken parts. Just a theory.

Be gentle with yourself, cs. A few days this time, more days next time, etcetera, etceteri, until it starts to grow into a new, more serene habit.

((((hugs))))

Yes, I know popping morphine is dangerous. However, I have been on-and-off booze, heroin, coke, etc. for 10 years now. I need to remind you that even after consuming 120 MG of morphine, I am coherent. I'm just sleepy and itchy. That's it. I have a dangerously high tolerance. I'm not making excuses, I just don't want you to worry yourself.
"Healing is a journey, not a destination. I solidly believe the setbacks are nature's way of reminding us that we are not trash; We don't need to throw ourselves away because of a few broken parts." Never in my life have I felt so inspired. I actually wrote that down, Arfie. Verbatim. Beautifully said.

My mom traded in booze for an extra pack of cigs a day. Then had to get off that. So trading one for another? Still leaves you in the same cycle. That said? Jewells and Arfie both said it well. Get used to doing it, make it a reflex, and healing is a journey....

sending you hugs and support.