Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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I’m sick of putting others before me. I know it’s a good thing to put others before me, but the last few times I did, I wanted to kill myself afterwards because I stopped caring for myself. And that’s not okay. I want to enjoy this life. I only have one. So why do I care about others more than myself? I’m sympathetic but it’s become a problem. My happiness shouldn’t come after others. Like, my friends and family want me to go to college, but idk what I want to do. I felt pressured to make them happy and said fuck it, I’ll look and apply come spring. I started stressing out because I didn’t want to hurt my moms bank account with debt from me, so I looked in Germany where tuition is free even for non EU citizens. As I continued to look, I got this sense of dread within, “why was I looking at colleges? That wasn’t what I wanted to do. I don’t know what I want to do. But I definitely know that college isn’t for me.” And I stopped. Told my friends and family I wasn’t going to college and I probably will never go to college. My family understood fairly well but my friends got upset and told me, I need to at least experience one semester of school. So I continued my search. Why the hell would I apply for college just to drop out after the first semester. So, I stopped talking to those friends. What they think I should and shouldn’t do, doesn’t concern me. I know I want to travel, so I looked for jobs in which I could travel, yet none of them met my expectations. I just want to live in a small house, with basic necessities, live in a small house on a farm, help out during the spring, summer and fall and then during winter pack up my bare necessities and travel the world. Go backpacking for 3-4 months, then return to the farm. That sounds ideal. I wouldn’t have to have commitment to a 9-5 job that I hate. I could work freely and not feel tied down.
My grandma asked about great grand babies and I stared her dead in the face and told her, kids aren’t in my plans. When she asked me why, I told her the brutal truth. (For context she didn’t want to be a mom or wife to my mom, her sister and brother and left) “I don’t want to give birth, only to realize I’m not ready for kids and decide the best option is to up and leave like you. I don’t want to be selfish when I have another life relying on me. And I think that’s more mature than you ever were.” She hasn’t talk to me since, but I stand my ground. I’m tired of being called a monster for not wanting kids, I’m tired of people getting mad when I say I want my tubes tied so I CANT get pregnant ever. The kind of life I want, isn’t capable of raising kids. Kids need a stable home, not pack up and leave every 6 months like what I want.
Am I being selfish? Should I seriously consider kids? I feel like being selfish is good for me. I need to be if I want the kind of life I wish for. Idk, maybe I’m overthinking lol
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
I think though that it's important to look into what you'd like to do and see if it's a realistic goal
Dreams are one thing... Goals are another with a plan and dates in mind.....
Travel is expensive and when really young staying in hostiles may sound like fun for a while however you still have to clothe yourself and eat etc
I would maybe think about talking with a counsellor or life coach so that you can have great goals in the area you'd love to work in
You'll have to know the laws to be able to get into these places... For instance to go and work in the US can't get in to do jobs US citizens can do... It may be like that other places.... There'll be research to do and you'll have to be able to support yourself wherever you go
Travel and tourism might be a great career.... Money isn't 'all that' however it does take a burden off... and there are always some bills to pay
Whether or not you want children is up to you Cry
Big hug and I wish you well in whatever you decide......xo
Caring for others should not mean self sacrifice.
Caring for others should be balanced with self care.
My mom has a habit of running herself to the ground trying to take care of someone completely forgetting herself. One of things I suggested to her is to block off specific days out of your week and designate them for YOU. If you need 2 days then block off 2 days. If 3 then block off 3, you get the idea. And do whatever things that fall under the self care category: doctors, hobbies, rest, etc.
You are not allowed to take care of anyone on those days. Only you.
Anyway, I gotta run. I hope things work out for you. Please post updates here and I'll try and keep up with them. Hang in there. Hugs