I left him I didn’t even say goodbye I shouldn’t have been with him in the first place but he was so sweet. So nice. He gave me so much. I need him back, but I can’t. I’m petrified. It’s illegal but I need him. I cut. It makes everything better for a while... not long enough. I need him it’s the only way to make it better but it’ll make it worse. I wish I never responded to him when he said hi. I wish I knew how to forget. I have ptsd because of him. No, me. I did it to him. I did it to myself. I did it to us. It hurts so bad. I quit my job because I was scared of what would happen if he came. I can’t be in a room by myself. I have severe anxiety. Anxiety attacks. Panic attacks at random. Depression. I NEED him back. I’m dying. My brain is tearin itself apart I can feel it I need help I hate therapists I need somebody. Please. Please someone. Anybody. Tell me what to do. I’m begging I need help please answer me, anybody. Make it better it hurts so much... please help I’m begging anyone please. Please. Just make it stop hurting.
I’m so not okay. Mon and Tues were not so bad. But today I am really down. Made it to the pool. Splashed around a bit. Did a few exuberant jumps for my inner child. Joy just happens in the pool. Even on the worst days. Not always. But today. The water is blue and when I’m floating, I don’t feel so heavy.Would like to marry a mermaid and be even. In the ocean. With the fish.
was triggered by my old dance studio closing, reopening upstairs from a brewery I frequent under the ownership of a couple, one half of which heavily reminds me of being assaulted. Let’s call her “Tori.” Then, my current dance teacher starts a new production company that seems to use that space. She kept inviting me, but I really can’t go there. My stomach is in knots thinking about...