Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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I miss me

CaroliziesMamma
CaroliziesMamma

Sometimes I wonder if what I’ve been through is the reason my husband married me....maybe I was the easy choice for him. Not to make you think I’m in danger. I’m not. It’s hard to explain. Ever heard that song Gravity by Sara Bareilles? If you haven’t I’ll warn you, it’s depressing. 



Or maybe its me, not him. Am I ruining my marriage by not dealing with this mess....It’s not for lack of trying. I thought I’d dealt with it. I thought it was as good as it gets. And therapy is expensive.


I miss my confident self. That’s right. Somewhere between here and there I was a better version of me. I was fun and confident and lived for the day. I don’t know what happened to that young lady. It’s harder to find her now than it has been in years. Maybe part of that is due to the many life changes - moving, becoming a mom, changing careers? Maybe it’s not sleeping much? Maybe it’s a thousand different things. 


I just miss me. 

CaroliziesMamma
CaroliziesMamma
.....if you think I’m crazy or have a different opinion on what I should do feel free to comment. This not so in your face abuse is new to me. The more input the better. But be nice please and don’t tell me marriage is a commitment to god. It is, but I am a human and God crested me for better things than this. Someone commented on one of my posts and said god allowed people to live through horrible things and get their heads chopped off.....basically telling me I’m stuck bc I’m married. I don’t believe that. I’ll never believe that. Scripture tells us how to treat our spouses and what to do when spouses do not treat us like they should. Keep your religion out of mine if you think I’m stuck. Thanks.
Jillsaundars
Jillsaundars
My partner leaves me alone very easily if I say no with no apparent repercussions, so it's not impossible to expect of a good man.

Living in relationships where you have to fight for boundaries all the way is a complete nightmare, I feel very sorry for you, but it just goes to show what strength of character you have. I personally had to get educated websites about personality disorders generally go in-depth into abuse. Once you can spot it then you can deal with it.

It's sounds as though he has made some changes? So that does sound hopeful.. It sounds like he feels like he's entitled to sex whenever he wants, so has the right to push for it or get passive aggressive about it. He needs to be educated about the reality... The days where a wife has to and where rape within marriage is thought impossible are over. He needs to mature and treat you like a gentleman.

I guess this is why when I date men I don't have sex for many many months, sometimes years, sometimes never! If they turn into a mess of nasty over it. Our personalities simply do not match
CaroliziesMamma
CaroliziesMamma
We didn’t have sex right away and I never felt pressured to before we were married. Shortly after we married a ton of lies came out and his explanations were circular and confusing and I remember the first time it happened and briefly acknowledged it for what it was and that time was different....More obvious but didn’t know how to say anything about it after. I remember blaming the fact that he’d been drinking. And just wrote it off. It didn’t happen as often right away. And getting up was an option after that but it would upset him. It’s easy to put myself in the guilty box, like somehow this is my fault but the only thing about it that’s my fault is that I chose to believe I owed him. Thanks for your response. I don’t know how to educate him right now. I’m waiting to see how long these other changes last....if they last.