Caught up with an old friend, someone who had a crush on me. I had no idea he remembered me or still thought of me often, or that he had a crush on me. He said it was the highlight of his day that I reached out. Neither of us are on Facebook often but I found him. I forgot how close we were. It was really good to talk to someone and to hear that I mattered to him. His friends and family still ask about me. I didn't sleep well again, weird panicky dreams. But I got up, early, painted a bit, fed the kiddo, and myself, looked at pictures of me this time last year, seriously thin, still ate my meal plan because I don't need to be thin as much as I need to live and those clothes aren't all that small. I can't be huge. I looked huge when I looked in the mirror back then. I think I'll always look huge in the mirror. I have done two loads of laundry. I'm exhausted, drinking coffee but enjoying my kiddo. I can't remember if I took my anxiety medication of not. I think so. But that's how tired I am. All this rambling to say talking to someone who is not in partial hospitalization was so nice. My "friends" are "friends?" They don't use the phone really. They want positive peppy optimistic Sara. This friend wanted nothing but me. And I'm so proud of him. He has a beautiful family. Three boys so I know his wife is a saint. Happy 4th! This was the one safe holiday for me. It's kinda sad to not really celebrate this year. Oh corona!