I have felt as you do... I assure you...

I was exhausted and so very, very tired of the symptoms of PTSD... I was hospitalized several times... I was put on disability the first time I applied...

I do not feel that way today... I do not...

If that gives you any sense of hope, which I truly hope it does...

Know that there are reprieves along the way...

I don't have as many body memories as others but plain old memory-memories are trying to freaking drown me right now.... I tell myself I'm in a storm that will pass.... so far, I'm still here... they didn't do me in when they hurt me, the memories can't do me in now....

I get so exhausted, too, I just cry myself to sleep. It helps sometimes.

Gentle healing thoughts,
Leo

If you are aware of the want to go back to the hospital...define is it a need. If it is do it.

But if you need an outlet, which is often the response I get from body pain associated with trauma, then direct the energy to something. As a diversion to my first marriage...I spent a year studying Chinese cooking. I also you my art to reflect the reasons for pain, both emotional and physical...giving me an object that allows me to face it in a controlled way.

Then there is making homemade bread...the more you knead it the better it turns out. That physical energy used can be a help to relieving the pent up anger and frustration, changing the association of it. With a yummy outcome.

Simple recipe's and how to's
http://breadbaking.about.com/od/yeastbreads/r/1loafbread.htm

http://www.breadworld.com/Recipe.aspx?id=235

i hear you.

had my 4th. surgery on wednesday for my eyes. bandaged and sore and it's just pushing the ptsd down my throat.

bullet fragments meet eyes....eyes lose. i lose.

I feel like I am peeling an onion, one layer at a time, ready to cry for each wrap around. Letting myself cry it out helps sometimes.

Please keep us posted, Jessica. You are not alone.

Hello Jessica, so sorry you are feeling bad this evening!

You are not alone in this at all. Nearly everyone here could've written your post, at some point.

I dont know about going back to the hospital. If you feel that's really needed, maybe it would be a good idea hon.

You are a survivor of trauma! Never forget how tough you can be and how much you have overcome!

Yes, 24 hours don't go by without feeling flashbacks and such symptoms. Usually I can manage them so they don't become the central event in the 24 hour cycle. I just don't want them to. But sometimes I'm too tired from other things and they take over. Not fun. That's why we're here. Hang in there.

Jessica, I gt it...yesterday had me going all day. But today we are taking the sub down Rio way. It will take a while but join us on the Glitter sub. If you can't read all the post in one sitting that's okay too. Jump around and get to know the riders or add your ticket and enjoy some music. Easy as pulling up an oversized cushy floor pillow. You might wanna bring a harmonica, play around a bit with the jazz blues I just took aboard.

There is no "time" to have to do anything but to sit back relax on the way. It's pretty well stocked, furbabies are welcome and the ticket is a wish or a dream to share...the good kind.

We make stops as needed, but not too many, except for boarding, supplies chocolate and cheese. Lilly is always flanging cheese and chocolate. Love both myself.

Hugs I hope today is better for you. It will be, if you git on the sub even for a bit.

Jewells.

Thank you everyone for your encouraging words and support. It just sucks! I cried my self to sleep last night experiencing body memories. It interrups my sleep once I fall asleep and lags on for the whole day today :( Usually I cut to stop them, but I'm trying to make this a cut/self harm free year. It just makes me cry remembering all the sick things that happened to me. Being here is like crying on someones sholder. Thank you!

So, jewells1 what is the Glitter Sub. I saw it posted, but I'm not sure how it works.