You are not alone. People suck and are very stuck in their own worlds. Even friends. And you can't control anyone's actions but your own.

I also struggle with having friends but them not reaching out to me very much. I have found a few that if I contact them first, they almost always get back to me. People don't know when you are in need. You have to reach out to them.

And as far as wanting someone to check in with you, I want that too. I want someone to ask me how I am and if I am okay and if i am eating enough and drinking enough water. So what I do in that instance is a SHIT TON OF SELF LOVE. Give yourself all those things. Take care of yourself the way you want someone else to take care of you.

Hope it helps. You are not alone. And continue to post here. We are here for you.

No, Mountain Man, you are not alone. Finding a balance between the extremes is harder than hard for me, as well. I'm also a lousy liar, so telling people I am fine when I am not feels counter-productive. I'll even give you TMI, if ya lets me.

"Agggggggggggghhhhhh!!" is a gross understatement, but sometimes words are not enough.

Venting here makes me a tad more pleasant to the Real Time people in my life. Keep venting Mountain Man. See if it works for you, too.

Thanx for your response.

I try so hard to do things for myself but its not enough, I am stuck in this bad cycle and i'm trying sooo hard to get out of it .This is why suicides are such a common occurrence, because NO ONE ASKS QUESTIONS! I mean i think i literally walked by someone of from my bible study with all this rage still inside of me and she didn't say anything just kept looking down onto her i-phone.

Even when my arm literally started shaking a bit today as i walked through the hall no one said anything. I know about the contacting people first, but why is that the case? I mean one dude i was a groomsmen for says we are close, but he never takes initiative to check up. The only people who ever do that are my tbi friends and my COUSIN.

One thing that is quiet sad about that self-love theory is that there is small chance of that truly happening from anyone else. Which is a truly sad notion in itself.

I found that talking to my friends and loved ones helps. As in, my sister, my mom, and a couple of close friends, know that the deal is if we haven't heard from each other in a few days, we check in. On each other. Sometimes they get a hold of me sometimes me to them. Sometimes we don't have time to respond but just saying hi how are you every couple days helps. It takes some time and communication. You can do this. I know exactly how hard it is and honestly still struggle with it all the time. Why do you think I have so many journals on here? hahaa! Venting here def helps me a ton and connecting with a few amazing souls here has gotten me through some tough moments the past couple weeks. I know you are strong enough to get through this. We are right beside you.

And as far as people in the hall and stuff not asking you, try not to judge them. Maybe they are going through something, are distracted, are socially anxious and don't feel comfortable asking you if you are okay, maybe they don't realize anything is wrong, maybe they think asking you is the WRONG thing to do? You just never know. You can't rely on random ass people to care about you. I get that in an ideal world we would all take care of each other but we are all human and they are trying to deal with their human shit just as much as you are. We are all just trying to figure it out.

When you're feeling rage, perhaps there is another way to deal with the feelings.

Paint, write in a journal, exercise, clean the house, pound clay, hammer nails, work on a project, bake cookies, do something for someone else, etc.

Or...after trying other things....call a friend.

It's easy to overwhelm other people with our feelings.

My kids didn't cause my PTSD. At times, they're very sympathetic, but they're my family, it wouldn't be fair to lean on them more than once or twice a month or so.

Sorry, but if I was walking down the hall and someone seemed angry, I would try to avoid them.

I have trauma from 3 categories and it made it hard for me to talk to people about it sometimes. The domestic violence trauma was easy, people could relate to that. But back in 1995 it wasn't as easy to get people to relate to a male having survived sexual assaults. Unfortunately, the Penn State and the church scandals have raised public awareness as to the existence of male survivors like me.

The last category took 12 years for me to even bring up to my therapist: childhood trauma from combat, of all things. I was a missionary kid in a war zone overseas, and my car was bombed when I was 9 as the opening salvo of 6 years more of that stuff.

Since I wasn't a soldier, I didn't turn to war vets here in the USA. I didn't know that they'd embrace me until a VA doc made me cough up my story to one of them. Lo and behold, they took me in.

Kind of like folks here at DS PTSD have taken me in, too. It's fantastic, I tell you. For me anyway.

But believe me, I get how socially awkward, to put it mildly, it is out there to speak our truth. I'm twice divorced because I never figured out how to do it in marriage. It was always too little or too much, I was too intense of gatherings with my in-laws if I told stories about myself growing up. Oops. No "in between," as you put it.

Of course, it's not my fault I grew up in a war zone and collected spent bullets instead of baseball cards with my buddies. Hey, I'm proud of being a tough little kid.

About being alone, yeah, I am pretty much. After getting divorced I realized I was on edge all 16 years I was married just from my PTSD startle response if anybody walks up behind me. I'm more relaxed living alone in my apartment knowing no one's going to trigger my startle response.

It gets better. I've done some public speaking at churches about our PTSD, and even about our group, letting them know we need their support to get past the stigma. But it's real, no doubt about it.

Meanwhile, we get you, my friend, and we're here for you. You're not alone here, not ever.