I run into this---I can't do my "thing" if I'm freaking out in a doctor's waiting room, for example---so I take my aromatherapy ball with me (cotton ball soaked in strong oils to jolt my sense of smell, wrapped in a handkerchief so I can "dab" near my nose and it doesn't look odd), and while it's not dancing-while-sad, it's at least not-thinking-about-scary-person-next-to-me. (Mostly b/c my nose just melted.)

Sounds odd, but could you keep a small stuffed animal or even a squishy ball at your desk to squeeze and sorta "take it out" on the squishy object? I dunno, CB, I wish I had a better idea. Even in my own home I'm still prone to crying ina pillow, so I am just pulling ideas out of thin air here.

Gentle support

I had a very stressful job, the go to person always having my cell phone in one ear and my land line in the other and a swear if they could have I would have had one coming out my arse and people always at my desk.

I used a tennis ball and if it got too bad I had to get up and walk away for a bit. It is so hard in the moment and to be honest, I wasn't the best at it either. Maybe a bottle of water and when you feel yourself getting that way take a large drink of water before you speak. It will cause a pause

Thanks, Leo and Doo, Those are good suggestions. Maybe if I imbue the stress ball or water bottle , etc with the idea that I only use it for helping me to take a step back I will learn to associate it with calm and reasonable behavior. I really feel like that was a horribly awkward run on sentence.

I often have a rubber band around my wrist. It's small and subtle and I can always use it without anyone noticing. Snapping it against my wrist works pretty well for grounding myself during dissociations or minor flashbacks. I rarely have extreme emotions but when I do it usually helps with those too.

Hope you'll find something that helps you.

I know. I have had some Mean Girls play Bully the Professor in one of my classes this semester. I got some help with them from my boss, so for most of the semester they backed off. But now in the last 3 weeks they're giving it a go annoying me again.

They were so rude one day that I thought I'd curse at them, so I just walked out of the classroom and went to the vending machine and got a soft drink. It weirded the students out, but it was better than blowing my top. I have dismissed class early, too, just for me. Better to give up a little of my lesson than lose my job because I had a cursing tirade in front of a classroom.

My friends and my boss know I have PTSD and these people trigger me. I just have to get out of a social situation when triggered. That's me. So I'll do whatever it takes. It's as if I suddenly had a nose bleed in class or something. I'd have to tilt my head back and go to the bathroom to deal with it, right? So it's like I've got a memory brain bleed of flashbacks when these dear little individuals act out and it triggers me.

I believe the ladies in question have a lot of violence in them, too. The thing is, I've found out in return they are violent--they've had 2 incidents of fighting on campus this year. If we had an effective administration, they'd be kicked out.

So I know it's not me, and just to steer clear of situations where they can get a rise out of me. Some people with PTSD seek healing and recovery, like we do here. Then some people like them try to give the world more trauma figuring they're entitled to try to level things out that way. I like my way better.

I remember you writing about them, Muji. I can't imagine how difficult your situation was/is. I'm sorry to hear they are starting up their BS again.

Sometimes I am afraid I am the bully. Not so much because I want to push people around but because I have so much pressure to account for my quota of hours. I have providers changing appointment times and not telling me so when i go to meet the client it has been a waste of my time. I have clients no show. Again wasting my time. I have signed release forms and providers still wont give me the info I need. People make unreasonable requests. I do want to help everyone but I am pulled in so many different directions. I end up being snarky. I was asked to go to the emergency room to relieve another agency's staff member because one of my clients was there due to hurting his hand. My response was just short of "How fucking dare you!" My client lives on his own. He goes to their program and they have their own policies so they have to do what they have to do but to ask me to go relieve their staff??? I had another appointment to be at on the other side of the city I went to the ED and explained I could only stay an hour due to the other appointment. When i rushed to the other appointment I found out the time had been changed ( I was never told) so I missed the appointment. Now I will have to track down provider notes. Crap like this happens daily. I lose my temper. I vent. I am sure I seem like a bitch. I feel like my best option for now is to just shut down.

It is impossible to do something for someone else and simultaneously dwell on all of your sh.. Give it a whirl....if you try it and you find I am wrong, chime back in and call me a P.O.S. liar. Believe me, I have been called a lot worse.

Is there a way for you to get a bit, well, hyper controlling about the whole thing? I have practitioners who call the day before every appointment to make sure I'm planning to show up for it. It must take a lot of their time to do this, but i guess they found out it wasted more of their time not to. Clearly you couldn't clear out all the bullshit this way, but maybe some of it.

It sounds like maybe you are a lot like me in that we take on things that are not our responsibility. We pick up slack that isn't ours to pick up. What would happen if you stopped asking for the paperwork and let it be. Its not your fault or responsibility to make sure they do it. If appointments are missed . track only the appointments you have definate information for. It only takes once or twice for things to turn into a clusterfuc* for them to realize they need to be responsible adults and do their portion of the job. If they have no time and the mentality someone else will do it, I have no time it won't take long for them to fix it. BUT track your requests and notes to back up when you sent the requests. I used email religiously.

I understand feeling like a bad guy because we get so angry doing everything for everyone when its their incompetence

Sorry that came out funky. Phone.

I am a nurse/care management/med liaison so I do need the paperwork. I make reminder calls. The population I work with is developmentally disabled and often mentally ill ( I hate that word for some reason) as well as a few with substance abuse issues. Most have significant medical issues and are non compliant with medical treatments. Not an easy population to work with.They all rely on state funded transport and they can be unreliable. I have many days when I am only in my craptastic tiny ass cube for 30 minutes of the day. Most times I am on the road. When I am in the office i am trying to document them completing reports on my documentations and taking phone calls from people having an issue or a crisis. When I manage to get an appointment set up that works with my schedule, my clients schedule and the transportation arranged and the provider calls the client (who can't even remember who called) and tell them the appointment has changed it will totally mess up my schedule. Sometimes the provider will not bother calling to say the appointment will change, they send a letter....to someone who can't read. I have been doing this for over 4 years. Maybe I just need a new job. I love the time I spend with my clients but the other BS is getting to me. All I ask is for people to not mess with my schedule and to stop assuming I have a caseload of 1. Anyway...I have just wrote wayyyy too much identifying info but WTH I either need a new job or build a better filter.

No, thank you for writing because I better understand. Wow, this is a lot of stress for you cecil. There are so many factors that could go wrong. I wish I had an idea for another filter for you. Its sad when people forget the ripple effect.

Have you thought of doing something else or the same thing for a better run office?

However....Doo, you are right. Whenever the poop hits the fan I feel there should have been something I could have done to prevent it even though that would mean "supervising" other professionals. I could work 18 hour days and not be done or "caught up" I HAVE worked 12 hour days and still wasn't finished...just tired.

Ya, I did that and its no fun. It makes things worse. More work.

I hope there is a break for you

lol. I like the idea, putting them on hold and dancing. Are you out in the open? is that the problem....even so, wtf? lol I guess it depends on your work environment. I think I've worked in offices where I easily could hv gotten away with that. But perhaps you need something less showy. like, put them on hold, and hum the music to "I Dream of Jeanie" in your head. I could see where something like that could take the edge off, cuz it's silly and like and can become an inside joke for you.