Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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I had to leave work early because I was afraid I would lose it or hurt someone. I am home now...stopped for a burger and fries so I could eat my problems ( I hadn't eaten all day though)
TW for language. I cuss and I need to let it out so if you have delicate eyes stop here.
My day went all to shit. I am , for a quick definition, a medical liaison and I work with DD adults who live on their own (not in group homes etc) So I am scheduled for 4 separate appointments today....they ALL fell thru. None of my people showed up for their appointments. It was an entire effing waste of my day. I drove from one side of the city to the other. I know they all have developmental disabilities but WTF?????? They can't let me know they are not going? These people live independently...it's not like they are sitting there drooling and shitting themselves.
It kept getting worse. I try to reschedule. Told I can't because of lack of HIPA form. I say I have one that my agency uses with all clients we work with. Not good enough ...they want their own form completed. Ok, fine. Please give me a form and I will have client fill it out. No...we can't give you the form we can only give it to the patient. Ok...can you mail it??? No. They have to pick it up. Ok...the majority of my people don't drive and have to use medicaid transport and picking up a form does not qualify as a medical need. Ok...well MAYBE we can mail it. ok..thanks! But...the client has to come in and request it.
OK...they can just all go to hell. All those effing stupid people in offices. How effing stupid are they??? They have tied my hands so I can't do my job. The client loses out because they have no idea what the doc is telling them or wants. They don't know why they are having surgery. They don't know what medication they are on or how to take it. They miss half of their appointments because I have no way of knowing when the appointment is and I am the one who makes sure they have a ride.
I get/am sooo angry right now. i turn into this total sociopath when I am pissed. I really want to hurt someone. I want to hurt them badly. I want to hurt myself. I just came home. My chest hurts, I am crying. I am eating and gonna take a xanax.
TW for language. I cuss and I need to let it out so if you have delicate eyes stop here.
My day went all to shit. I am , for a quick definition, a medical liaison and I work with DD adults who live on their own (not in group homes etc) So I am scheduled for 4 separate appointments today....they ALL fell thru. None of my people showed up for their appointments. It was an entire effing waste of my day. I drove from one side of the city to the other. I know they all have developmental disabilities but WTF?????? They can't let me know they are not going? These people live independently...it's not like they are sitting there drooling and shitting themselves.
It kept getting worse. I try to reschedule. Told I can't because of lack of HIPA form. I say I have one that my agency uses with all clients we work with. Not good enough ...they want their own form completed. Ok, fine. Please give me a form and I will have client fill it out. No...we can't give you the form we can only give it to the patient. Ok...can you mail it??? No. They have to pick it up. Ok...the majority of my people don't drive and have to use medicaid transport and picking up a form does not qualify as a medical need. Ok...well MAYBE we can mail it. ok..thanks! But...the client has to come in and request it.
OK...they can just all go to hell. All those effing stupid people in offices. How effing stupid are they??? They have tied my hands so I can't do my job. The client loses out because they have no idea what the doc is telling them or wants. They don't know why they are having surgery. They don't know what medication they are on or how to take it. They miss half of their appointments because I have no way of knowing when the appointment is and I am the one who makes sure they have a ride.
I get/am sooo angry right now. i turn into this total sociopath when I am pissed. I really want to hurt someone. I want to hurt them badly. I want to hurt myself. I just came home. My chest hurts, I am crying. I am eating and gonna take a xanax.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...
I hope an angel of some kind makes tomorrow better.
I myself am going for delivered pizza tonight after the day I had, so you are not alone.... at least in needing a cry and some comfort...
May the morning find you renewed.
Sorry the offices aren't complying with you. I don't see why they can't mail it to them. I filled out forms like that through the mail for my case manager that I have.
I feel like I want to hurt people and myself when I am angry like that too. But, it'll pass eventually. It's a good thing you left work before losing it. I have done that before lol.
I am burned out on my job but can't change jobs...honestly I don't think it would matter what my job is. I am just irritable and want to rip someone a new one. That being said I deal with people who are non compliant left and right. One just decides not to go to dialysis. Then he goes to the hospital cause he can't breathe. Hmmmm? I got people who go to doc for an issue and are given a med and scheduled for a follow up. They don't take the med then go to the follow up and say the issue isn't better.
I had one guy tell me he had gone into have gall bladder surgery but they messed up and made his kidney bleed. NOT what happened ( they weren't near his gall bladder) and doc office didn't want to talk to me until I told them that was what he was saying. Now they want to talk to me all the time.
I've been choking myself again. I'm not trying to die, not trying to get off. i don't know why i do it other than being frustrated and angry on such a level that i don't know what to do.