wow - I feel the same way but for the most part, I don't get caught up in the loneliness, but I've done alot of therapy for abandonment.

We've got alot of stuff going on. One thing, the more experiences we have of being 'dropped' as in friendship, etc., the more we anticipate the same and we may end up drawing it to us or we may still be picking unsafe people in the first place. Unresolved trauma will do that - continue drawing the same until it gets processed and diffused.

I've been dropped by two doctors and a counselor in the last two years! My best friend of 15 years - gone.

But, my best friend of 30 years and three states away hit the same thing - so, we feel like we're oddballs - but we really aren't. There are SO many people with PTSD or CPTSD or Adrenal Fatigue and very few people and very few doctors have a clue.

I have felt, this week, like there is so much anger and frustration around me, but I knew to not 'own' it - it wasn't mine. When we're exhausted from stress, we can end up a sponge, absorbing other people's energy and if being in a bubble, if being isolated for a season is what is in our best interests, while we heal and stabilize, then that is what I am embracing!

The truth is, so many of those people you're reaching out to have major issues of their own, yet that loud recording that 'I'm too much trouble' or 'I just don't fit (or belong)' or 'what is so weird about me?' - it's all scrambling for an explanation but it isn't the right answer.

Today, I was struggling with this very issue and I felt I heard God say 'you think they disconnected from you because of something you said but it is My protection over you that is behind the disconnection - don't buy into that you did something wrong. You didn't'.

HINK.....thank you soooo much for your post. This is my first day reading post on the PTSD site so I can get a feel if I need to be here.

I resonate with every word you say...except my mom is dead and my daughter will not talk to me anymore now that she is an RN.

I am glad or sad...IDK which...that my feelings are not so individual to myself. I don't fit in anywhere. I just want to be alone with my art, guitar, movies, pets, computer, music, my car, and my ability to write.

Knowing how other people with PTSD feel helps me not feel like such a big fat loser....maybe I can actually eat some fricken food today. Thanks buddy! You do have value to me!

I feel guilty when I say it's comforting to know others feel the same way because I would not wish this agony on anyone and I'm so sorry others are going through this too.

I'm just plain a wreck, I moved to a new apartment 2 years ago which was suppose to relieve my stress. It's a HUD property and the first few months were total bliss. This place is privately owned even being HUD, it's beautiful and I finally felt at home. Then this money hungry corporation bought it and the state gave them a bunch of money to make improvements...it's been a year of pure hell.

At one point I had to go to the state because they were not doing the work well and I saw red flags. Well what a nightmare, turns out the workers they hired were off the street, paid cash and unskilled (draw your conclusions from there but the fact that after I got done none returned suggests perhaps there were some serious laws being violated).

They stopped paying our electric here and in fact were to put in energy star rated appliances to save us the money. They also replaced all our (almost brand new) cabinets with inferior cabinets. The workers that did this work left not only every apartment wide open with often no one in the building but also left the entrances to the building tied open and workers who were not on a payroll or ewven under a contract...well you do the math...if they saw something they liked what was to stop them from stealing it? Meanwhile we do have all energy star rated products except for our AC which wont be replaced until mid summer (I have a letter from my doctor saying I need the AC for health reasons but the one I have is 25 years old and I cannot afford to run it)

Well the state shut them down for 5 weeks, it turns out with electric work being done and new wiring they were using staples that were not insulated and they were forced to tear down walls and redo it all. (it took my going to the media and being in the paper three days in a row before any agency took note though...we all could be dead now due to a fire and no one would have cared)..

Of course being subsidized they go by your income, three apartments in my building (there is 37 buildings) have many adults who do not belong here, are not on the lease and yet make money. This kicks in my constant anger to a higher rate, the apartment directly next to mine was a teenage party place. Every neighbor complained. I complained in March of 2011, throughout the year and again in march of 2012 when our paperwork had to be reviewed and they just didn't care. They didn't care these people were cheating the system, they didn't care they were making life miserable for everyone and they just said they were working on it.

Again off I go on a quest to right these wrongs...I should not be doing this, this stress will kill me but no one else will do a damn thing. two weeks ago the police were here everyday and finally the guy who was not suppose to be on the lease was arrested by the Mass State Crime Task Force. He was arrested for failing to register as a sex offender and I have a 16 year old daughter.

Even worse she has a balcony outside of her room, 6" away from their balcony. But when I talk to the office they tell me their hands are tied for an entire year. I get livid and out of control so I am the bad guy. Thankfully they used this as a chance to evict these people but what if?

I mean the stress could drop me any moment, you all know what I mean. I'm 52 and anxiety can kill me. The office hates me, I'm nothing but trouble (yet if I payed less than 50 dollars a week more I would be paying market value for rent) everything they do is for their damn tax credits so they make money and my life nor the lives of others come second.

I just can't do it anymore, I dont want to ever leave my house but I have to...I kind of wish they would lock me up in mental health facility and throw away the key but my family depends on me.

I was also adopted at birth and I have lived my whole life considering myself a "non-person". I have never been in the right place, I was snatched away from the path i was suppose to be on and am in purgatory...I just do not belong anywhere and that includes dead as I am sure even if something happened to me I would not be where I was suppose to be. So I sit and suffer without any understanding from anyone else, I am just a PITA to most people or crazy.

If I could (and trust me I will never let this happen) I would ask my birth mother one question. Did you really think adoption was the better and more noble option than abortion? Dont get me wrong, I was raised with tons of love, had a great family and as far as adoptees go really hit the jackpot...no blame can be placed on them. But that does not change how I feel about my influence on the lives of others. Like that Star Trek episode where they went back in time and could not change anything I feel that anyone coming in contact with me is doomed.

FWIW my wife was adopted, abandoned by her siblings when she was an adult and her parents died and I have raised her daughter as my own. She is my daughter but not by birth. That's why we work, we're all in the same boat.

Sadly the strength to keep fighting is flowing out of me faster and faster.