I get those feelings too. It's because of what people did to me. I'm trying to learn to love myself. Try doing something nice for yourself today, even if it's just have some ice cream, take a walk, talk to a friend.

Shame is what I call it when I hate myself. Shaem for being who I am, being not perfect enough etc.....

Splash a bit of cold water on yourself ---- clean away that thought.... time to remind yourself, I AM WORTHY OF LOVE.

That's what helps me, sometimes. :-)

I know. I was taught to hate myself by my mentally ill mom. When I was 12 and I had PTSD nightmares from having been molested at age 10 by a pedophile, she told me in the dead of night that my nightmares were just previews of eternal coming attractions for me. She said now I was "ruined" Jesus didn't want me so I was going to go to hell no matter how good a boy I was for the rest of my life. She kept repeating that message to me for 3 months. She almost drove me to suicide that year, which I think was the point since she'd attempted suicide and had been saved in the ER the year before, In my 30s my therapist told me it was her projection, that she probably had borderline personality disorder from years of child molestation she survived herself. She got worse, beating me and lying to my bipolar dad to get him to beat me until I fled home at 17 afraid they were going to kill me.

I think my resistance to suicide from then on was to spite them more than it was an affirmation of living. I hated myself but I hated them even more, so I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of getting to stand over my grave smugly savoring my suicide,

It wasn't a healthy way to survive, but it did tide me over until my 30s when I finally got a therapist who helped sort all of the hatred out. Still, I have my days, Healing117. When you're born and bred to hate, it's going to come back at times. I treat it like bad weather; hunker down and it will pass. Hope you have a therapist, that's a great garbage disposal for dumping those hateful feelings out, just like this site is here. Glad you vented here.

Self-love is an essential part of healing.

Hope healing happens here.

I'm feeling beyond hope. My psychologist of 10 years betrayed me. Has been talking to other therapists, using my name, behind my back and without my permission. All he needed to do was ask. He promised to be there through thick and thin. Walk with me hand in hand. I've been telling him that I've been spiraling out of control for two years now. I've told him twice that I'm in trouble, danger and he has responded with a blank stare and does nothing. I dissociated and went missing for two weeks, missing two appointments. He didn't ask nor care why. I had never missed an appointment in two years. Feel abandonment. Lost insurance so it;s really here nor there.

i’m so so so sorry but you are so important. here if you need anything xxx

I've got a psychology professor coworker who's like that psychologist wh0 betrayed you, Strength, and he betrayed me at work throwing me under the bus to get a promotion 5 years ago. Now he's my boss and life's been too hard under him for these 5 years as he'd blocked promotions and everything else in my career. I'm taking early retirement next month because I tried to get other jobs elsewhere but potential bosses elsewhere got an extra earful when they called to verify employment--not to follow up on a recommendation because I'd never invite his opinion, but just because he feels guilty for how he got promoted and wants me out of his sight.

I guess some people go into psychology not to heal others but for the wrong reason, to manipulate others instead. So sorry yours has failed you now for 2 years as you've been in this spiral. I've witnessed how tough these 2 years have been for you, for real. You deserve better.

Strength, you are important. You are important. You are important. Sending you