CW, that's a rough dynamic, but y'know what? Embrace the five days as a vacation from their expectations (perceived or real). Take the time to go proactive on your C-PTSD---come here as much as you want, we're always around---scream to the house about your problems, since walls don't talk but do listen---whatever.

That said? Parents have this thing (good parents, anyway) where they want to cuddle and protect and magically make better whatever is bugging their children. My mom was verrry hurt by my withdrawal from her when I was dx'd a couple years ago, because her instinct was to be Momma Lion. Problem was, she triggered the he** outta me. We got through/past it, but it was awful. (Mom is older and lives with me, sooo.... yeah. Life with parents in the house. I got it.)

So your parents may want to help you, be clueless as to how, and resent the fact you want space and time when they want to give you the magic kiss on your boo-boo that makes it better. Unrealistic of them, yes, but based on my experiences with my mom, it's the reflex.

Idea. If you go to therapy, invite your parents to a session, and have them just *observe* what goes on there as you discuss your rape trauma. Leave some time for them to ask the therapist questions. This works (worked) wonders with my hubby, and he still regularly attends my therapy. It helps him "get" why I am what I am and do what I do and sometimes need what I need.

The other big thing is, we feel very changed by trauma. TO outsiders, we're "same person with new experience". To us? Not so much. I survived 20 years o my dad and sis, was raped along the way by a classmate, etc., and then got physically disabled by accident in 2011---no, I do not feel like "me with new experience". I feel like "Who the eff am I, where did I go, how do I put this back together?"

Sorry to go on, but that's just my take. And like I said, embrace the alone time. Maybe when your parents come home, you can ask to set "boundaries", as we call them, on what's expected of all parties, and they'll also have gotten some perspective. My mom's gone total beyotch a lot of times because she can't undo what was done, and her guilt issues are freaking annoying to all parties.

BTW, if your parents have been toxic all your life? Ignore me, and spend the five days finding ways to help yourself get out.

Soft support,
Leo

Thank you Leo! You did not go on and on. No, my parents were not toxic, so I will be screaming to the walls and coming on here a lot!! I like that suggestion, sometimes a good scream makes everything alright. You can get out the toxic.

This is exactly what is going through their minds. Both parents are having a hard time with the fact I was raped and they weren't able to protect me. I hate what this...I am doing to them, I just don't know how to make it better. Life with parents...fun isn't it?!

Wow, Leo, you nailed this one. They want to help, but don't know how to take away my pain.

I have asked them to come with me to a session, they both said they would not be able to handle that.

Its very hard to come to terms with having been a victim of abuse or any other misfortune by what I call evil. Very hard.


But please do not blame yourself and you are no burden to those that really care.

Family often doesn't understand; it's a hard situation. Sometimes they won't listen to us but get it when we give them published material on the subject.
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/basics/symptoms/CON-20022540

Anxiety disorders make close living with others hard. It's like being a cat with a tail in a room full of rocking chairs.

Thank you for the support! DS PTSD, has awesome support and I for one am the happiest when talking with everyone here!

Thank you for not judging me!!

Hello CW, it's nice to meet you. You have gotten some great advice. The only thing I would add is to not blame yourself for your parent's actions, reactions, thoughts, feelings, etc. You have enough to tackle without worrying about your parents. Just focus on yourself and yourself only. You have asked them and they have declined the invitation to your therapy sessions. So just leave it alone and concentrate on number one, you. Enjoy your 5 days of solitude. And come on here and let her rip. We are all here for you.

Hi CW I am a Survivor of child abuse, unhealthy/abusive relationships and a rape at the age of 19. I wasn't diagnosed with PTSD until the age of 40, and now at the age of 55, still learning about myself living with PTSD without any support whatsoever because I've exhausted all community support having learned from the best and worst professionals, and my siblings don't know how to support me either, so sadly, I had to distance myself from them again due to 'constant triggering' around them and even talking to them on the phone.

I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. No one, not even family can possibly understand traumas they themselves have not experienced or see within us the affects of them. They can not possibly grasp the concept of Alone in a mental, emotional and spiritual sense, nor see that you are not the same daughter they knew before your traumas. They do not know how to support you and are likely confused also.

This is the time to be gentle with yourself as you continue to learn, grow and heal ....

It was through my own suffering that I learned there was no wiser teacher for me than Self to learn how to live with PTSD nor were there wiser people than Peers to share with and ask for support, which I'm still finding difficulty doing since I've been on my own since childhood, though I am learning here.... and so grateful for having found DS PTSD : )

(((Healing Hugs)))

Idea Again!

My mom is a registered nurse so for her continued education thing, she had to pick a seminar. She chose mental health/psych for hers, even though it previously wasn't her "thing". It reallllly helped her grasp my situation from within her professional POV.

Maybe your parents could attend a seminar or go to a counselor for themselves. Feeling helpless makes everyone feel awful. They might find ways to better cope with their emotions---and those emotions are not your fault. The rape did this. Not *you*.

Purrs,
Leo

Good idea. We often bear the burden all alone for our own recovery AND for educating loved ones, too. That's not fair. We can farm out some of that work on others in the community, like Leo says. We don't have to do our work and the work of others, too.