I'm really sorry this is happening to you. *hugs* are you seeing a therapist? I think that is something to look into especially since you are feeling that much pain. If you are thinking of suicide yourself, please don't hesitate to contact a suicide hotline. Rant on if you need to, we're all here to listen. For me talking about my issues and sharing them, takes them off my chest and helps me to deal better, and I think that could help with you too:) take it one day at a time, and take care of yourself, okay?

I have no idea what to say, but... it's impossible to know how the future will go, and I second the "Are you seeing a counselor?" And should your wife go with you? My spouse comes wiht me when he can, and when it's needed, and it helps tremendously. It lets him know my emotional status is not all about him, and vice versa, and we have a safe "talk zone" if we need one other than our home.

We're here, Enfield, that's the main point. Hugs to you, and pum apurrs of support.

sorry to read of your mental and physical pain....please do reach out to professionals, i'm hoping if you do, you'll have less mental anguish of thoughts of hurting yourself/wife/feeling alone. All this will be of help to reduced your physical pain. take care, ml

Yes, when the emotional pain becomes physical. It's like what's next. What do I have to look forward to. I hope your wife can offer some support. Talk about the sadness. There are a lot of people here who care. Perhaps a therapist. You are not your mother. Perhaps you need to talk to someone about her. Sounds like she hurt you. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Lots of people here who will listen. Gentle hugs

gentle hugs, enfie. i'm so sorry things are extra difficult right now. has anything changed to make things different? i hear you about how difficult the physical pain can be. it sounds like you may have neuropathy, that nerve sort of pain? i have that and it is such a weird sort of pain. i'm glad you felt you could write about how you are feeling, that is good to do here. it matters that you are having a bit of a rough bit. you matter.

do you feel like talking?

I see a therapist every couple of weeks but I'm a pretty guarded person in there for whatever reason, I only access the injured and wounded little boy on scarce occasions. But with some major things coming up like this pain and my poor German Shepherd who will probably have to be put down in the next many months, I feel there will be so many old feelings that crop up that I will be overwhelmed.

oh, Enfie, this has been such a long hard time for you with the dogs being unwell, for both you and your wife. i'm so sorry.

it sounds very difficult to access that little boy, but that you have been able to get to him is a really big thing, enfie. it takes most people so much work to get to their inner children and many cannot do it.

i wonder if it may be a plan to schedule in more frequent visits for therapy for awhile? i wonder too, do you think your wife might go with you on some visits like Leo's husband does? it seems as if it has made them a team against the PTSD, or rather a team working together. so many hugs, i know this is hard