Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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Alexxxxm 02/11/2015

I went to go see my mum again today, I have no idea why. The last time left me an emotional wreck but I couldn't help myself. I needed to see her. As soon as she opened the door to let me in a million memories came flooding back to me, we stood in the kitchen and she was talking so sweetly to me like a parent should. I went along with it, it felt good in a way.

We moved to go sit in the living room, she continued to talk sweetly to me and sat beside me on the sofa. She told me loves me and always has, I was fine hearing this, I was open to listening. The motherly love talk suddenly turned to "You look so beautiful, you've always been a beautiful boy, that's why I loved you" she put her hand on my knee and I absolutely flipped my switch. I wish I had just pushed her away but I didn't.

I grabbed her arm and twisted it, I pushed her down on the sofa and punched her in the face so hard I could feel the impact of it myself. She laid there barely conscious and I had absolutely no feeling for her at all. I didn't feel bad, or guilty. I shouted at her "I'm not a child anymore and you can't hurt me" She pleaded with me to stop and all I could see is myself, she was me right now, that poor kid who was always screaming for them to stop but never did.

I walked away from my situation, conscience clean. I know there will so many of you who think what I did was disgusting, however in my opinion she's lucky to still be alive after what's done to me. She got a lucky escape with only a broken nose after selling me and molesting me for years. So fuck that stupid rapist cunt of a mother, I feel better and she deserved it.

FloydLover1969 02/12/2015

What they all said! I too have smacked my own mum in the face, not for molesting me, but for allowing me to be molested by my older brothers and their friends in my teens. I was 14 at the time, and yes it was satiafying at the time, but not worth the beating I got in the street in front of all the neighbours by my dad, afterwards. Do what you must Alex, but mind you don't get nicked. My advice to you mate? Keep the fuck away from your Mum frm now on and concentrate all that energy frm the anger at her, onto you and your healing. Best of luck mate, Manda xx

FloydLover1969 02/12/2015

Just one more thing to add Alex...the best revenge is to live well. Cut her out of your life and do and be the best you can be, in spite of all the abuse she.and the other pervs heaped on you. That's the biggest 2 fingers up at her and the rest.of the fucking nonces you can do. Go for it!! Xx

Alexxxxm 02/12/2015

Sorry Precious, wasn't having a go at you, I see what you meant and you're completely right in that respect.

Something did go for her growing up, her parents, my grandparents abused my mum growing up which is why she turned to drugs. Yes, it's very sad and I have absolute sympathy for the people who use substances to block out there pain. However I do not believe a bad past makes you into an evil person who molests and sells there own children. My mother is a terrible person and I believe would be even if she wasn't abused.

Thanks Alice! I'll never feel bad for attacking her, she deserved it and much more. But I will be staying away from her from now on!

gustokitty 02/12/2015

I'm glad you are seeing a doctor but I hope meds are not the "only" of it. If you can find a very good therapist or class on rage would be my thoughts. I understand why you did what you did but agree with the fact that it can come back to bite you. Hopefully there is no repercussion this time, but please just avoid her. So that there will not be a next time. Try to concentrate on the life ahead of you, not behind you. Believe me I know, easier said than done. I've managed to cut abusers out of my life, but the trauma still follows me. But at least I am not continually triggered by them specifically.

min63 02/13/2015

im sorry i dont think you bring around her is good i think its very toxic i been victim so let me just get help with this ok alex ,

sometime it not good to go down some paths min

OldCodger 02/13/2015

Neither of you deserved it, and both of you NEED professional help. I don't condone what she did to you, but only a sick person would act in such way.

DeliAnnem 02/13/2015

In some ways, I say good for you for getting that out so you at least feel like some anger was released.

BUT, I worry b/c what if that repressed junk pops out in different areas in your life? You deserve to be healed.

Please get rape survival therapy. Work on anger management. Stay away from her.

Hugs.

OldCodger 02/13/2015

There is a cycle of abuse in your family, and you could have ended it, alas, you was unable to, I hope your children can then.

LoveAlice 02/13/2015

OldCodger... I didn't realize you were there when this all took place.

Oh, that's right, you weren't. So stop judging and telling people what they "could" have done. You crossed a huge boundary there.

BTW he doesn't have children.

FloydLover I am so sorry about those guys molesting you and then your dad beating you. I hate your parents for not doing anything to help you and further abusing you.

Alexxxxm 02/13/2015

Oldcodger, so basically you're suggesting that I'm as evil as my mother? That I'm a sick person, and abusive? Yes, I punched her in the face, but this was after I felt she was trying to molest me again. She is a pedophile and all child molesters deserve much more than a smack in the face in my opinion.

Also I know violence doesn't solve anything. However my reaction towards her wasn't out of the ordinary I feel.

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