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I am afraid of the phone to ring....

krndNewark
krndNewark
I am afraid of the phone to ring; on July 6 between 1-3am my oldest son 20 years old was shot once while being robbed. The details are too much to type, but he punch one guy and this is what saved his life. He is home and all is well. He has the bullet still in his neck. He and I have noticed that our lives are just "a little" out of balance. He has said that he is nervous, scared to go outside, he is jumpy, and more. I have set up all the appointments but I may need something too.
I received a phone call in the middle of that night and I have been dreading the phone to ring since. I cry every night just before bed and I am not sleeping well. I have sleeping pills and sleep aids but do not want to become depended but my mind will not rest. I constantly replay that night over and over and the "what-ifs".
Honestly, I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like what is next and I should be ready. My youngest son mentioned my anxiety and I am worried that I am becoming a bad example for my other two children.
arfie
arfie
Ouch!!!! That is tough stuff to be going through. Your reaction is thoroughly understandable. You are right that it can be very damaging in the long run, but give yourself and your family healing time. Work through it honestly and gently, both together and individually. There are no instant cures for hurt this big.

Gentle support, krnd. If there are Victim Service units in your area, please use them. This is not good stuff to go through alone. Talk freely here. You will find lots of caring ears. Healing happens. Hope it happens to you and your family.
LoveAlice
LoveAlice
It makes sense that you would be afraid of the phone to ring. You are worried that more bad things will happen. It seems like a normal reaction to something like that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with Alice. I've gotten bad news via phone and I still get nervous when I see certain names on my caller ID. Sounds like you know what you want to talk about. Nice job on being specific about the phone. Believe it or not, it took me weeks if not months to spot the reason I jumped when the phone rang. I knew I was expecting bad news and I was very afraid of getting a phone call...but I didn't put two and two together right away. Now that you know what is going on in your head, you'll have a better understanding of being calm about it.

Hang in there! It gets better. I promise.

Oh...and I think it's wonderful you are thinking about your children. Kids always seem to have a way of blaming themselves. Sounds like that shouldn't be a huge issue for you since you made the mental health and sense of safety of your children a priority.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
I am so sorry for what you're going through, but I am comforted to find someone else who doesn't like phones, either. Without going into detail, I have a history with phones, too, that makes me not like them like people do today. I see people practically live on their smartphones, and I envy them. With what happened to me, I'm not comfortable doing that. I prefer email and communicating the way we do here.

Knowing how you feel, I can only tell what helped me: a therapist. You said you've been making appointments for your son and that maybe you need one for yourself. I say you're right about that. It really helped me.

In the meantime, I have turned the ringer off on my phone, and I check it visually to see if there are any messages. Then I call them back. That way I have some control over the startle reaction of just having it ring whenever.

Again, so sorry for what you've been through and what your son is going through. It should not have to be this way, but for some of us it is.
LeoX3
LeoX3
That's actually really normal for the situation---because you've had a heck of a bad trauamatic shock, both of you, and a phone call? OMG. I haven't had one of "those" kinds of calls in 20 years since I got word my dad was on his way to hospital to die----and I still dread phone calls. Especially at night.

You're not alone. There are so many options for you and your son---victim support, families of victims, even free psych counseling clinics, etc. Depends on your area.

And we're here.

So glad your son is alive and home with you.:-)
DeliAnnem
DeliAnnem
I think the best example you can give for your kids is to make sure you take the time to care for yourself. If you are having problems, seek out help. That's what they need to learn to do as they grow up.

Being an adult does not mean doing it all on your own; it means knowing when to ask for others to assist us.

I'd get some after care for you and your son and I hope he gets better soon. Are they ever going to take out the bullet?

Gentle hugs.
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