i was trying to follow everything as best as i could. i'd like to tell my little story if its ok.

i was married at age 20. at that time i had only been in treatment for depression a short while. so here i am married to the "love of my life" it was a very short engagement. i was unaware of any of the firestorm yet to be unleashed. while to this day i love my husband, putting two people with PTSD together especially when one's is as severe as mine is and the other's is based in a need to control every aspect of their environment yet they live in denial not a good thing. i have spent many years of our marriage being blamed for anything and everything he would not take responsibility for. every turn he uses my illness against me. he has insisted on "helping" me whether i wanted it or not. or flat out refused to be there when i need actual help.

the odd thing is, he (during those few moments he doesn't have his head up his ass) has been a good thing for me and i for him. most marriages would honestly not survived what we've been through. just the very fact that we spent so many years going through all that hell and shit together and at each others throats (and its still going on) we can see stuff other people miss. its weird but it works i guess.

but i can't lie. sometimes i like to just kick him out the air lock.

I gave it 16 years. married at 19. but together for 3 prior to that. . I had had three NDE's at his hands, various beatings I was meant to live through. Think army torture techniques, and you will get an idea..... and a gun incident trapped on a stairway , until he finally came out of anger mode and fell asleep still holding gun at my head, finger on the trigger. I started smoking that day.

He didn't seek real help until I had left ,for four years.Exhausting all hope of me returning.
In that time he swung widely between the wanting and destroying of me still. Because I wouldn't return.

Different extremes I guess.

Sorry Tizzy for the thread domination.
But it is this reason I want to see you get help, I want your hubs to join you in the fight, not work against you. My second husband showed me that was possible. My heart and strength for you.
Jewells