Several people here have amazing marriages in which they've stayed married to the same person through decades of thick and thin PTSD. They can tell you how they did it. They are true success stories. They will speak for themselves, but I already know who they are. Amazing stories of positive results from being open and communicating about PTSD in a marriage.

On the other hand, mine did use what I told her about my PTSD against me. After 16 years of marriage I came home early to surprise my wife and take her out to dinner and she was with another man from my job. A situation she couldn't defend, so she reached into the past and abused me with my PTSD history from BEFORE we were married. I was treated before we were married, so she had not gone through any neglect or abuse, zero. When she did that on top of her betrayal of our marriage, I divorced her. After some years of grieving because I'd been happily married on my end, I've been happily single for 13 years now.

i told my (now ex) once about my trauma, and she bawled her eyes out and made me feel like a lump of crap, so never talked about it again.

if your hubby's the type to use stuff against you in anger, then i wouldn't personally say a word. if he's a decent person, then it might be good for you to bring him up to speed about your issues.

never married. don't plan on anytime in the near future. I have been asked out by men and women. I would not mind having a boyfriend. but I am way so not ready for it. or maybe I just haven't met him yet. and if I did have a boyfriend/husband he would already have to pre qualified as having a big heart for not just me but for everyone. and I have also thought about my ptsd a lot and how it would affect my relationship. so I think it would only be right that any future 'husband' would have a right to know about my permanent condition called ptsd. cuz it would be there influencing his life as well as mine.

Tizzy-

If your husband would use your situation and turn it against you, your problems with him are a lot bigger than your PTSD, sorry to say.

That's evidence of him being mean/abusive... NOT the qualities a person with PTSD needs at ALL.

I'd try to separate your issues from his. If he turns unsupportive over your PTSD, that's HIS flaw; NOT yours. Please remember that!!!

If you had cancer, would he use THAT against you? Same thing. Nobody asks or deserves this condition.

My husband uses my PTSD as a way to learn how to love me BETTER. THAT'S how a marriage is supposed to work.

Hugs!

What DeliAnnem said, unfortunately.
You should be free to be who you really are in a marriage.
Sorry things are this rough for you.

One of the symptoms of PTSD is the lack of trust that we have toward other people. There is only one way to develop trust. My wife and I struggled for the first 18 yrs of our marriage. It wasn't until I started PTSD treatment that things began to improve. Now my wife and I are aware of the triggers and I must say that things have been great between us. Not perfect but great. I have trust issues as well but the only way for me to develop that trust is to allow her to go out with the girls on a Friday night for instance. It hasn't been easy but we continue to work on it.
May I suggest that you start by telling your husband a little here and a little there. Trust is earned in baby steps. He might just surprise you. Perhaps you could start by discussing what trigger points are and how they affect you. I assume that your PTSD is from rape or sexual abuse. I do not know your husband but some men do not respond well when they learn that their spouse was raped at one time. You are the best judge of that. I wish you well no matter what course you take.
Another thought, I go the VA for my PTSD treatment and they encourage spouses to attend the sessions as well so that they too can learn how to respond to us whenever we have an episode. Will your therapist allow your husband to attend a session or two?

I agre with Deli. For those same reasons. No validation, or having our pain turned on us to satisfy their need to feel omnipotent, is a bad thing for PTSD sufferer.

My first did it too me, making me feel suicidal. Everything had to be about him, how I was hurting him by being in pain. Get to a marriage counselor if you feel you want to try to save this, but if he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong, that may not work. You will be the only one that pays in the long run.

BTW, my second husband was the total opposite, After reading here different methods of coping....I get the feeling he was doing some studying to help. He even had a posse to help when things were more than he alone could do. He got me all the tools, supplies and whatever I needed to get calm. Made sure I prepped for two days prior to outings, so pain wouldn't throw me in a funk.
The posse were called to come play music, card tricks, raise cane to distract me with laughter.

It's why missing him is so hard. But there are ones like that out there....he taught me that.

Mr.MG, I like what you said. I think an element of the failure to have my PTSD and therefore part of me integrated into our 16 years of marriage had to do with my doing ALL of the therapy alone. As I got better, we grew apart instead of together. If I had it to do over, I would have asked my spouse to attend a number of my PTSD sessions with me so we could both grow together.

I know that I sometimes ramble a great deal but my purpose is to teach and inform others of the many mistakes and experiences that I have had to go through. Knowing that others have experienced similar things and survived can help those still in the midst of dealing with issues. We "ODER" ones have a responsibility to pass on our knowledge and wisdom to our younger Generations. Not all of what we say will apply to your situation but with so many of us on here, I am confident that we can find some that will. A foolish person isn't not one who makes mistakes but rather one who repeats the same ones over and over again.

This is what I want in the supporters group. When my hubby first showed signs of ptsd, I had never heard of it. Things were so not improving, so I made a Drs apt for myself and told him all. He listened, asked me questions, told me he was pretty sure what the problem was, but needed to see him. Explained he wouldn't come. Ok, would he do anything for you? Yes. Then tell him there is a very serious problem with you, and I need to talk to him about it urgently, you haven't, but don't tell him that, I will. Tell my receptionist I need a long apt with both of you as soon as his shift work allows. Went next day, he was so worried, and took him several years to forgive me for that. Now he thanks me. Saw someone for 10 yrs before he got to the stage of not needing. I was the one who slowly step by step got him back into living. And came close to taking me out of living for me, it wasn't easy or painless. And he still has triggers, nightmares, episode's he has no memory of. Went hunting for the enemy one night as some do, found me.
But we have made it through, and no cure for ptsd, however it happens, so we continue to work on it. Never his fault this happened. Something I have told him over and over. Yes, trust is a big issue with it.

Aust, my first let it slip that he remembered what he did. Afterwards he still thought he could handle it...normal. So there was no helping him until he was ready. By then I was gone, too broken and beaten, to chance it one more time. His legacy now lives in me.

Jewells its so hard isn't it? And they cant be helped till they are ready to accept they need help. Wipes the old us, and we have to rebuild ourselves after. And our children too who get caught up and hurt in it.
My hubby said not long ago how much I have changed, and he knows why, he can see it now. Working on being closer to his only child, his son, but he is now 42. And they are close, but he can never have that time again, its passed. And many times we have to let go for our own survival. Stay strong as you find yourself again.

Aust are you talking from ther perspective of someone with PTSD or someone married to someone with PTSD. I"m confused. Mind you I worked a thirteen hour day, and am exhausted so that might be why ;).

Married to one with PTSD can effect you, if it is brutal as mine was. Adding in my childhood, and other things It can be the beginning of your own problems, Ptsd being one for me.