Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Hi all,
I'm new to the PTSD group but not to DS. I see a therapist 1-2 times a week. We started to work through a PTSD workbook about a month ago. But for the last rep weeks we have not went through it because I have been dealing with flashbacks / disassociating and my intolerable depression.
As a background you you can understand me. I'm an only child, that was born with a sole purpose being a sexual toy. My abuse never had a start it was always there. I was brainwashed into thinking we were a normal family and it was normal for people dispose there dads. I forgot to mention that being an only child and living on the country I was unable to deal / cope with the abuse. I would not remember anything until I was
Safe and away from the parents.
The last 10 years has been a battle from knowing that something bad happened to realizing I was abused to understanding I couldn't do anything to stop it and it wasn't my fault. My problem now is that the flash backs are getting so fierce and too often. It's causing me to feel no joy and only anger all the time. I want so bad to make it stop and let me get a grip.
This is just a vent but how do all of you deal with a flashback or a memory in public?
Reason I ask is because I was at the gym tonight and I saw a guy lift his shirt up a bit so he could re- tie his shorts. That just set me off it was like seeingy dad undoing his belt so he could rape me. I started to hyperventilate then slowed down closed my eyes and started to say its not real he is not here your safe. I did stop hyperventilating but I started shaking pretty bad them the tears started followed by intense anxiety/stress in the chest. I quickly grabbed my stuff and went home.
This shit happens all the time I want relief. If anyone has any tips tricks I am happy to hear them. I see my therapist tomorrow thankfully.
Thanks for letting me rant and vent.
Jen
I'm new to the PTSD group but not to DS. I see a therapist 1-2 times a week. We started to work through a PTSD workbook about a month ago. But for the last rep weeks we have not went through it because I have been dealing with flashbacks / disassociating and my intolerable depression.
As a background you you can understand me. I'm an only child, that was born with a sole purpose being a sexual toy. My abuse never had a start it was always there. I was brainwashed into thinking we were a normal family and it was normal for people dispose there dads. I forgot to mention that being an only child and living on the country I was unable to deal / cope with the abuse. I would not remember anything until I was
Safe and away from the parents.
The last 10 years has been a battle from knowing that something bad happened to realizing I was abused to understanding I couldn't do anything to stop it and it wasn't my fault. My problem now is that the flash backs are getting so fierce and too often. It's causing me to feel no joy and only anger all the time. I want so bad to make it stop and let me get a grip.
This is just a vent but how do all of you deal with a flashback or a memory in public?
Reason I ask is because I was at the gym tonight and I saw a guy lift his shirt up a bit so he could re- tie his shorts. That just set me off it was like seeingy dad undoing his belt so he could rape me. I started to hyperventilate then slowed down closed my eyes and started to say its not real he is not here your safe. I did stop hyperventilating but I started shaking pretty bad them the tears started followed by intense anxiety/stress in the chest. I quickly grabbed my stuff and went home.
This shit happens all the time I want relief. If anyone has any tips tricks I am happy to hear them. I see my therapist tomorrow thankfully.
Thanks for letting me rant and vent.
Jen
I used to deal with my worst triggers by deliberate deep, slow breathing, trying to find a place to move to where I was inconspicuous (like a stall in the restroom). Then like you I would try and get to my safe place (office or home).
But what really helped was that if I knew I was going to a place that might trigger me (like you know about your gym now), then BEFORE I went I would talk to myself about my worries and distinguish in my mind the current stuff from the past stuff. That way when I did get exposed, my mind saw things as they real were in the present and not as a replay of a nightmare past. Washing my hair right now has become a trigger, and I have to give myself a pep talk first and explain to myself that it is just water, that my hair getting wet will not kill me (long story).
Most of the things that trigger me right now happen while I am at home and after a trigger occurs I use what are called Self-Soothing techniques: putting my mind on something that is not threatening, calming, a pleasant distraction or etc. and this will help the trigger/flashback to pass more quickly and painlessly
I am sorry your flashbacks are beating you up right now. It sounds like you have made a lot of progress already in your therapy. I admire your determination.
Welcome to the PTSD group. We will support you all we can..
I'm glad that you're here. Once again, welcome to the group.
I've just learn to sit with the feeling reminding myself "i'm being triggered, this is going to pass...just be still until it does..its ok to feel it..but its "just" a flashcak"....I tell myself that and then just try to think of something pleasent or if i can not do that i just myself feel it while doing doing self-validating talk...
I don't know if tha helps cause like i said some of my abuse was pre-verbal or so young i do not have the exact visuals.
I am still dissociated so the visuals that i do have i'm still numb about.Like it happen to someone else.
The emotional flashbacks come when i get triggered and arouse a rage that would burn a town...but i've learn to just stay still through it.
Let it be - thanks for sharing examples with me. I understand
Chris - I am sorry to hear that you father failed you as well. It has taken me quite a few years to understand that 99% of dads out there are now petiphiles.
Unomas - I have had all kinds of memories. Physical emotional visual. I'd say the hardest one to deal with for me was the emotional flashbacks. Having no control of my emotions is tormenting. Especially since when I was growing up, if I didn't react or reaping in a certain way i'd pay a dear price
Thanks so much for your posts tonight I feel better equipped to face tomorrow.
Jen