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This past Sunday my house caught fire. Me, my two kids and mother in law were home at the time. The front entrance to our home was a raging inferno. When I saw it roaring and burning away like it was, it was like a monster to me. I threw my kids and mother in law out the window, literally. None of them had time to object.
Then I ran around and grabbed the water hose and stood on the porch and surprisingly, was able to get the fire out. I rescued our hamster, and our dog, one cat ran out of the house on his own, the fire fighters had to snag our other cat, but our two parakeets didn't make it.
Now I can't get the image of the front door engulfed in flames and smoke, roaring like some monster, wanting to "eat" my families home. That's literally the way I thought of this fire, as I sat there with my measly garden hose, spraying for all I was worth, listening to my mother in law screaming in the back ground for them to send the fire dept. As she is doing this, even in all this mess, my smart ass mind kicks in (defense mech much?) and says to myself "Well if the fire is still going when they get here, they're just gonna have to ask me to "scoot a cheek" cause I ain't stoppin til it's out, I don't care if their hose IS bigger than mine!" I thought later what a retarded thing for my mind to come up with right at that moment, cause I sure wasn't laughing then, but everyone I have told it to since think it is absolutely hilarious.
Fire Dept says I did all the work for them, all they had to do was come in and make sure there were no embers, and that with trailer fires (we live in a mobile home) usually by the time they get there, all they can do is put out what is left, if anything, and check for hidden embers. The Fire Chief even asked me if I'd like an application, WHUT!?, I thought my husband was joking the first time he told me that, I didn't believe it until I was coming out of the guy's own mouth.
I'm having a hard time getting the image of the fire out of my head, every time I close my eyes it is RIGHT THERE. And having to go back inside afterwards isn't helping any, but it's good to see most of the damage is just smoke damage, but still almost everything has to be replaced.
That an I'm uncomfortable with everyone telling me what an outstanding job I did or how I "saved the day". Dammit, my name ain't MIghty Mouse, and all I did was what I was supposed to, no reason to make a big deal about it.
I'm just wondering how to muddle through those two things, I'm still waiting for my insurance to kick in so I can get back to seeing my doctors, and this happening now is messing with me bad because I CAN'T go see my doctors right now..ugh..
Then I ran around and grabbed the water hose and stood on the porch and surprisingly, was able to get the fire out. I rescued our hamster, and our dog, one cat ran out of the house on his own, the fire fighters had to snag our other cat, but our two parakeets didn't make it.
Now I can't get the image of the front door engulfed in flames and smoke, roaring like some monster, wanting to "eat" my families home. That's literally the way I thought of this fire, as I sat there with my measly garden hose, spraying for all I was worth, listening to my mother in law screaming in the back ground for them to send the fire dept. As she is doing this, even in all this mess, my smart ass mind kicks in (defense mech much?) and says to myself "Well if the fire is still going when they get here, they're just gonna have to ask me to "scoot a cheek" cause I ain't stoppin til it's out, I don't care if their hose IS bigger than mine!" I thought later what a retarded thing for my mind to come up with right at that moment, cause I sure wasn't laughing then, but everyone I have told it to since think it is absolutely hilarious.
Fire Dept says I did all the work for them, all they had to do was come in and make sure there were no embers, and that with trailer fires (we live in a mobile home) usually by the time they get there, all they can do is put out what is left, if anything, and check for hidden embers. The Fire Chief even asked me if I'd like an application, WHUT!?, I thought my husband was joking the first time he told me that, I didn't believe it until I was coming out of the guy's own mouth.
I'm having a hard time getting the image of the fire out of my head, every time I close my eyes it is RIGHT THERE. And having to go back inside afterwards isn't helping any, but it's good to see most of the damage is just smoke damage, but still almost everything has to be replaced.
That an I'm uncomfortable with everyone telling me what an outstanding job I did or how I "saved the day". Dammit, my name ain't MIghty Mouse, and all I did was what I was supposed to, no reason to make a big deal about it.
I'm just wondering how to muddle through those two things, I'm still waiting for my insurance to kick in so I can get back to seeing my doctors, and this happening now is messing with me bad because I CAN'T go see my doctors right now..ugh..
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
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"don't be a hate hole" has been one of my recent mantras which seems to be escaping my mouth more and more often. it emerges when i am faced with the endless list of chores i would rather not deal with. insurance. head lice. bureaucracy. in-laws. the list goes on and on and on and on, ad infinitum.reality checks requested. am i making sense?"ever'thin they is but loving leaves a rust on your...
I'm glad to hear you all made it out unharmed! Mobile homes can burn down so fast!
I agree with Jenny, understanding what happened may help you. Knowing the cause of the fire and everything.
Hugs,
Hollie
I know it's all me in the other dept. It's just so hard to believe, sorta in this screwed up way, that that was me that did that. I understand partly why I reacted the way I did to begin with( mother instinct kicks in, ya gonna try to save your babies, and mine are my everything), but because of having been in a house fire before, other than the thing that ran across my brain about the fire being a monster wanting to eat the house, I always assumed I would run from it and let the fire dept handle it. And I know I don't have good self esteem, but I hide it well. Most people that meet me don't think that about me, and there are only a couple of people who do know me well enough to know I don't. But part of it is because of my upbringing, we were taught you do what you got to and that's just how it is. IF it happens to be something big, it's still no big deal because it just had to be done. You man (or woman) up. So it feels like praise I don't deserve cause I really haven't done anything that anyone else wouldn't have done in my exact same position. I'll take your advice 51 and sit with it, although I don't ever think I will look at it like others do, I just don't see, as they say, the big WOW factor in it.
And thank you both for the replies. Although I do find it ironic that that evening once we got settled in a hotel, every damn thing on tv had something to do with fire on it. Cars on fire, planes on fire, monsters busting through stuff setting it on fire, it's like every channel was like, here ya go..lol..And I thought having cut myself on ice earlier in the day was me having a bad day. You forget sometimes how the simplest of things in your everyday life can hurt, maim or kill you. First time I've ever cut myself on ice, and more surprised it was so bad. Not ER bad, but bad enough for me to bandage nicely myself.
Ok now I'm rambling..tired tired tired..again thank you both.
You are definitely a "protector", and with the remark of the firefighter, a strong valuable asset to your self, your family, and your community.
One thing you are doing to help your recovery is writing about it, and sharing your full range of feelings.
So proud of you, accepting responsibility for the accident that happened, for taking positive action to resolve the situation safely, and best wishes for a complete healing for you within.
You did everything right!