In my years coping with PTSD, I took Seroquel for several years because it helped with my nightmares and my startle response.  But Seroquel can cause kidney damage, and though I was doing monthly blood tests with my doctor supposedly monitoring for that, I ended up collapsing at work because of permanently losing 60% of my kidney function. 

That meant not only having to stop PTSD medication for daily flashbacks, panic attacks, and triggers, but it also meant having to stop all pain medication for physical pain, too.  And the physical pain came at me hard.  With only 40% of my kidneys working, my blood doesn't get oxygen to my feet and hands.  So nerves began to die in my hands and in my feet (neuropathy).

I've hung on to my job, but when the nerves died in my hands and feet I lost the ability to do much else like ride a bike.  I have to walk with a cane. The nerve damage pain comes and goes.  This week it really came on.  On Tuesday we had a meeting after work.  When nerves die, it's like when a lightbulb burns out and goes brighter before going out.  Nerves in my feet go hot and painful like an exposed hot nerve in a tooth.  They make my toes vibrate in pain, and then that area of them goes numb forever.

While I sat in that meeting at work Tuesday because of the pain I got lightheaded.  I really thought I was going to pass out from the pain.  I took my shoes off under the table, but nothing gave me any relief.  I didn't faint, but people had no idea why my face was twisted into a grimace and why I had tears in my eyes.  Because of my kidneys, all I'm allowed to take for the pain is Tylenol.  Later I warned my boss I was in lots of pain, but I got through the work week without missing a day.  Still, it's been grim.  At night the pain has kept me from getting good sleep. I have a doctor's appointment on Monday, but I know they'll just stick needles in my feet to confirm the numbness from more nerves dying.  There will be no prescription for pain relief.

It's really sucked that pain has worn me out because last week you all gave me lots of support for slowing down my schedule.  I did it, I stopped overworking like I'd done earlier this month. But then this pain came on that's exhausted my mind and my body and my spirit.  In keeping with the support you gave me to stop overworking and have some rest and relaxation, I bought a ticket to an NFL game to try to get out and about.  I hope I can make the trip to it.  To anyone out there in pain as well, I'm hoping for a break for you, too.  Please pray or send good thoughts.  I'm hoping for a break from pain this weekend.