More sympathy, DSF. My granddaughter wants dance lessons. Dunno. . . Dance people sure sound ugly and mean. A world worth passing by.

Sorry you are so trapped. Thanks for making me aware I should save my granddaughter from these horrors. Surely there are kinder extra-curricular activities. She's only 4. Time to guide her toward something. Sports?

It does seem odd to do it in front of others. It's amazing how hurtful people can be and their efforts to justify it can just make things worse. Kudos to you for commenting to her about it!

DSF, my thoughts are to recognize the host of the event makes sense, To single out one other person is really inappropriate. Not everyone has social skills. No point in wasting time on what her hidden agenda may be. She got her moment in the limelight. Likely most view it as you do. Calming hugs.

Hmm, it does sound like staging the moment in front of you like that was deliberate, dsf95. Do you want to hang out with these folks any more?

I probably overreacted. I made some penguin black and white cookies for the host, and he really didn’t react and started talking about another member of the group who’s almost a “professional baker.” That was followed by the “giving of beautiful handmade oil candles” ceremony. I couldn’t say anything to the host about his non-response to my cookies (he can be as passive aggressive as some of the characters in his novel, but that’s part of his charm and he also might be a bit embarrassed/ shy by his love of silly penguins), and I feel like I have to be extra sensitive around him because he was suicidal last year during the holidays.

So, I walk in the door to a chilly greeting and a non-gift. I understand giving the host a present. I understand giving a special person you haven’t seen in a while a present. But, those moments didn’t feel good from my point of view.

The way the special friend was made as a special announcement likely offended more than just you. Just my opinion.

Again, are these people who you really enjoy hanging out with, dsf95?

I guess I do like the host. He did get me back into reading and my poetry and short stories. He made me feel competitive as a writer again and I liked that. He also has the mystique of being from that fabled part of the city of my birth, the wealthiest part of town. (I don’t live there anymore so I can say it’s where Courtney Cox was born).

I did discuss these party behaviors with him and I think we’re at some sort of peace.... He seemed most shocked that I questioned him as a feminist (his novel features a female protagonist) and I was thinking, “yeah, you’re kind of a jerk sometimes,” but tried to be tactful