Okay sorry if I'm out of the loop, but do you have a lot of close friends? Are you living with anybody? Do you think maybe celebrating at a different church would be less triggering? Like maybe a Catholic Church would feel different for you from a Methodist church? It's still the same celebration, it's still Christmas and it's defonitely still the celebration of Jesus Christ, but maybe the feeling of a different environment would be less triggering.?

Sadly I live alone. It's just me and Max, my cat. I live 600 miles away from home. I don't have a lot of close friends. I've only lived in this town for a little over a year. I don't have a car so I can't go anywhere. When I need to get to the store or to any of my appointments I have to call 48hrs in advance to make a reservation with the only type of public transportation this town offers.
I'm pretty isolated. The only friends I have are online. I had a couple here in town but they turned out to be very very bad people that have hurt me a lot. So idk? It sucks.

If I must be called a name for not celebrating Christmas, I prefer Grinch. He has cooler toys. For me, December is therapy month. I usually end up helping peers from my support groups get through their dysfunctional family celebrations. It's kinda cool being able to defuse volatile family traditions just by being there.

I have seen some stunning spiritual/community growth happen to folks in your position from helping plan and implement community celebrations. My personal fave is a fellow who gives his time to an immigrant shelter, but there is no shortage of places to put that traditional energy with community involvement.

What about volunteering to serve food in a soup kitchen, shelter, or community outreach? At least then you wont be alone and you won't have to worry about religious abuse triggers AND you'll be celebrating in a Christ-like manner?

Well, I'm atheist, but not because I didn't like church. I'd say that if you want to go back to church go..but I wouldn't start out with a Christmas Eve service...more like a late Sunday. Go late (yeah, not fashionable, and even a bit rude, but do it anyway). Go late and you don't have to talk to anyone. Sit in the back, listen a bit, and leave early. You'll have a better idea if this is a place where you'd feel comfortable or not.

If the people there are nice, they'll understand if you explain (even slightly). If they're not so nice, they'll be rude to you. Both are good to know early.

Many other ways to celebrate. Watch a service online. Listen to prayers. Music. Hymns. Go with what feels most comfortable to you. I don't know if you're part of any organization that has a chaplain, but they might be more than willing to give you 10 minutes in an open place like a lobby (if being around other people will make you more comfortable), a small mention of past "abuse" with no further explanation should be enough.

There are churches that have holiday meals. You could volunteer or just eat a meal.

Pretty much every tradition from my childhood, even the ones I liked, are triggers for me. Over time, I've revamped all of them. I do stuff my own stocking though. Small things. Tea, a bit of chocolate, a new pair of socks (I have a real love for new socks), a good apple or orange from the store.

I don't know where in the country you are or if there's trees outside, but often you can get a few branches cut off of trees people are buying (where I'm at they'll give them to you for free...actually you're doing them a favor...) So you could get a few branches to put on a counter and make the place Smell like the holiday. Throw something red on it...or string popcorn...and you've got your own "tree" (One year I taped lights in the shape of a tree on the wall.)

I've had Christmases where I had a lot more money, but it's actually the ones that were super small that I remember, love, and am triggered the least by. Just a thought....

However you decide to spend them, I hope you have Happy Holidays,
Patti

It sounds like you are limited in how you can get somewhere. I do not have any suggestions on what to do with the church.

Some inexpensive ways to 'celebrate' or worship are candles, a cozy fire with some hot chocolate or apple cider. Maybe make yourself a little bit of a unique meal. I would also call around or go to the food bank to see if they have any special kits or services available for your day you might be interested in. Many people donate time and food so people and pets are not alone for the holiday. The Salvation Army has many seasonal services.

I hope you can find a way to worship or celebrate that makes 'you' happy

PP, since my abuser was my father, a pastor, church services in the holidays can trigger me. So I go to Christmas services at churches I don't belong to and enjoy their cantatas and stuff in the safety of anonymity.

I know that may sound weird or pathetic, but I've done it every Christmas for 5 years now and I've really enjoyed it. It really lets me focus on the true meaning of the holiday instead of being distracted into flashbacks about family abuse and stuff.

Hope you find how to enjoy Christmas in peace your way, too, my friend.

Hello,

Merry Christmas to you, first of all. You said, to you, Christmas is about celebrating the birth of your savior, so I would encourage to pray, and ask Him to guide you in finding a good church; then google churches in your area, or ask friends and coworkers to recommend some for you. You also said you barely have any friends in your area, so joining a church could be a way to make friends. I would also echo what everybody has suggested, i.e. soup kitchen volunteer work. Also, according to an ad I just heard on the radio, local salvation army offices are looking for volunteers for the Christmas holidays. All the best. Hope you reconcile with your family soon.

I started a new tradition of a movie outing on Holidays. I just choose any movies and binge watch all day. Keeps me out with people but not to involved. Maybe not the best choice but works for me for now.