My goodness, I hope you get better from this virus you've got and all of this vomiting and so forth. That would be bad enough to have on the Thanksgiving holiday.

Then having your Dad in need coming out of the hospital from surgery. It's so good of you to extend yourself to care when you're so sick yourself. It's got to be stressful to try to care for him and yourself at the same time.

That's when the Jeffs in our PTSD family systems really irritate. Yes, I have one myself. Always got away with everything in my family, too, right into adulthood. Just one example: neglected to pay her taxes for 3 years, got caught and fined by the IRS with a $30,000 fine. So, rather than have her face the consequences my parents paid for her neglect by taking out second mortgage on their house. You know the drill.

I hope you get some rest and drink lots of fluids today, besides getting Dad home from the hospital. As for your brother, I have to do as I do with my sister. Try to turn that irresponsibility over to God to take care of. I just try to think that, as much as they get away with outrageous irresponsibility, there's a part of the arrangement that still sucks for them. They might get away with it, but they don't get anyone's respect. I like trying to respect myself when I look in the mirror. With PTSD that's hard enough. If it were compounded by my being a lazy childish person--well, just imagine living with that, too.

Get well soon!

oh Cecil, Wow.
I cannot even imagine what you r going through. - I cannot fathom it. I would not be able to handle it. Believe it -us here telling each other we will 'be okay' ; and you will get through this!!

I had to also 'put me aside'- just in order to take care of Mom. Plus I have loved her so much --- I gave back my love in return. Working a
lot of 'overtime' a t my job. Nursing her back to health. She died '07
which was many years later after i taking care of her. --i also took it upon myself to do things as nobody else would. plus my health also
was 'failing' miserably. ....I wish I had DS back then!

Hang in there, my friend. ....Yes It is Thanksgiving .........you are not
alone in this. I encourage you to vent; and reach out to others. This is why we are here. -to help each other in need. God Bless.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts and my prayers. You are not alone.
I hope and pray that you get to feeling better.

If you ever need to vent; I am here.
I am always here with my YouTube music playing LISTS -I've made.
(((((healing vibes))))) sending to you

---gizzzy

Lilly!!

I myself, never could have ever- said that BETTER!
Awesome insight Lilly. ............. I love the note too.

Cecil, -keep us updated. You are dealing with sooo much now.

Isn't it sad? You can pick your friends and your enemies but you don't have a choice when it comes to family. I know what you are going through and I also know that you will overcome your brother's selfishness. You are a remarkable person.

Dad is going to be discharged tomorrow and i am feeling better. Just me and the cats under the blanket on and off all day. The last I spoke to K he said he was going to call Jeff and give him some "guidance" on how to get the place ready then tomorrow him and his wife will go out to make sure it is ready. I will pick Dad up at the hospital and drive him home.
So I guess that is one issue under control for now.
The other issues will take more work. Not sure I have it in me.

cecil ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

I can't say any better. Your brother , the self centered one, is or should be put on the lowest priority list possible.

how would your dad feel about selling the place, moving into something smaller and using the leftover money to pay for help. I have serious concerns about your father's well being around him.

I truly am amazed at your ability to deal with him after he abused you.

you made the best decision possible. you were not being an "bad word' at al.

sending warm thoughts,

My family is odd at best. We love each other but don't know how to communicate. So much bad stuff happened. While my dad was in the Intensive Care Unit some things were revealed about my oldest brother.

Mom played favorites. She manipulated so that everyone felt unlovable in some way. Dad was mean and violent.

I have never really felt anger to my abusers , including my brother. I just don't feel anything. Neither one of my parents seemed to think what was done to me was wrong and i felt so confused that I just stopped feeling.

I guess I am ok sitting here with the cats and watching Christmas movies on Netflix.

Dad will never sell his place. It is pretty run down anyway. Actually he just said he has plans to leave it to Jeff. Apparently being irresponsible has it's rewards. Maybe that is why i find it so hard to deal with my daughter. She never accepts responsibility and blames everything on me. I guess i haven't been the best parent and trying doesn't really count.

I think I need a new goal. I need to take care of myself and stay out of power struggles. I think I need to focus on getting to a better place and knowing when to let go.

....oh...and maybe feeling the anger. feeling something. I feel anger in general all the time but it is undirected...or directed at some innocent man in my path.

Cecil, what a day. I hear the rise and fall of your...self esteem. To be honest I couldn't care about the sibs too much right now. Mom and Dad....they will never see what they may have done wrong....until sib that is to inherit dumps them in a (nursing) home.

You only really have control over you and to a point the daughter if she is underage. The reasons for your anger swirling has to do with not being heard and still being used. Also not wanting to fight.
That happens a lot with us that are abused...Because we don't feel of value to ourselves or the only way to other is to "Do" for them until we fall. Fall ...and nobody runs to pick us up.
Today you have one sure thing to be thankful for, it is something we all see, but hard from your angle to focus on it. Of the two sets of genes and DNA matter you got the best. You have a caring heart, a creative mind and some stamina. I would if I could gift you some stubbornness where your heart and health is concerned.

Simple to say but hard to do, to want to do for you.


Email or message the brothers, " I am too ill to expose "Dad " to any of these germs while his recovery is in this stage. Since a simple cold or flue in his post-op condition would have grave results. One of you need to pick him up. I will call when I feel not contagious, hopefully in a few days.

Then consider a 30 day in hospital, treatment center for the daughter(age) Since any judge would agree prostituting herself is a danger to her own safety... which it is. You don't need to be waiting buy the phone for a call saying she was found in a ditch in the cold, because some "John" didn't want to pay.

Then take care of you. Because with out that you can't do for them, even if you choose to.

Quit letting "guilt" for things out of your control, give you reason for self inflicted emotional pain.

Your daughter is pushing buttons because she can, habits that always worked for her. But hospitalized they won't work.
My heart actually hurt reading these today,you deserve respect and kindness as much as anyone else.

Sometimes the wrong person ends up in the treatment, because others continue to abuse them with tried and true actions and results. That may be in the future.., if you don't choose you soon.

Please don't quit sharing here, we can support you in decisions you make for you. It really does hurt when one of us is in such emotional pain.

I only need to look at your photo's to see that you are of worth in this world, others take for granted or don't see that worth. Like all of us that are creative in soul, we sometimes try to hard to change those into the dream fantasy of what they should be. But end up pulling away into our own mind when they don't see or want to see.

Hugs, Cecil. Your are one of a kind.
Jewells.

...I don't get being able to be in the same room with my abusers without wanting to carve them like a Christmas turkey, so...But that's me.
Your dad is ONLY your responsibility insofar as you choose, and quite frankly, I think you're being saintly by caring about him AT ALL.

...I'm really sorry about the kid, but you have to detach from her...She is self-destructing, not listening to you, and dangerous for you to be around.
Drug people bring problems to your doorstep, have been there and done that.

You have to take care of you first.
:(
((((HUGS))))

hylierdom has a point. It is how my best freind besides my husband was taken.brutally beaten when "Friends" came into his home with his brother. He couldn't survive it. Not long after, I almost made it out too. Had john not got me to the hospital in time. He checked on me after I told him I was going to lay down.

It's hard to focus an emotion like anger. In my case, anger turned inward into depression. In my therapy work it was really good for me to aim it where it would help me. And in that old Kubler Ross model of the stages of grief, it's a step in the process (denial-anger-bargaining-depression-acceptance).

It's an old idea but it still works for me. The fact that depression was the step before acceptance, an advanced step really, helped me stop being so down on myself for getting depressed, too.

Hylierandom: I would never take you off my friends list. I sent you a PM but not sure if you were able to see it. I had to add Jewells at least twice. Maybe a DS glitch????

Holding a supportive thought for you today, Cecil.

Thank you Muji.

Dad was discharged home today. I picked him up at the hospital and took him home. K and his wife met us there and we helped him get settled. Another brother came over as soon as he got off work. Jeff got off work, came home and changed for a date then left again. Oh well. Just another reason that I didn't move back closer to family after my husband died. This way I can spend time with the ones I chose for the amount of time I chose. None of them would be bothered to make the 75 or 90 minute drive to me any how. Thank god I have friends that I can depend on.

I am just now home with my feet up about to enjoy a glass of wine.