Hello, everyone. First off, I've wanted to say I miss your words of comfort and solidarity. Too many things happening all at once. Secondly, I've come in contact with another wave of open wounds of trauma confrontation.

To go into explanation, As many know, the old court date has passed and was won. Unfortunately, i pressed new charges against my brother for the violation of order of protection. This is where I've hit my crisis...

My brother and I had a confrontation, huge this Monday. I MEAN, full-head bud. Because of the new situation, my brother confronted me and for the first time in many years, I heard words come out of his mouth. Words that showed his true nature and deep pain. This led to both of us just letting it out all on the table and it was not a fair fight. Nobody won and it just opened wounds. Damn it, man. It was unbearable to have an audience as well.

Then, the situation, led itself to another question of uncertainty: if by dropping the charges led to a compromise where some establishment was laid out, then is it possible that this can be the start of a new ... thing?

Now, this idea of compromise puts me at a level of high unease because it's not so much if he can do something stupid when I am not home, but whether can I tolerate this and will this be a source of discomfort for me? I am torn, split, and used up. This is how far things have come.

Too many questions, too much pain, too much discomfort. It's the idea of having my kindness and compromise being confused with weakness.

Please, God! Take me away!