Your mention of being numb reminded me of my own PTSD symptom of dissociating. A real merciful thing to numb pain in the short term, actually, for which I'm truly grateful back when my trauma first happened. But, of course, PTSD gets hard wired over time, so later in life the numbness becomes an intrusion.

When I came here members shared a link with me to a therapist's website with a lot of free info about stuff like that. So I'm passing it along to you now, too, in case you want to check it out.

Pete walker speaks of our PTSD symptoms in terms of the four Fs: Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn. The numbness one, dissociation, is Freeze.
http://pete-walker.com/fourFs_TraumaTypologyComplexPTSD.htm

"The Freeze Type and the Dissociative Defense
Many freeze types unconsciously believe that people and danger are synonymous, and that safety lies in solitude. Outside of fantasy, many give up entirely on the possibility of love. The freeze response, also known as the camouflage response, often triggers the individual into hiding, isolating and eschewing human contact as much as possible. This type can be so frozen in retreat mode that it seems as if their starter button is stuck in the 'off' position."

Hi. :-)

Numb isn't the owrst place to be short-term, but I think I got stuck there for years, and then? Ooooh, ouch on the re-entry into feeling.

I wasn't in a car accident or a military person in a war. I was a kid born to a man who had already trained his firstborn to be as mean as he was, to get his "approval". Long story short? Seventeen years of that, then throw in medical trauma as a middle-ager, and PTSD went from "I'm anxious a lot" to "nonfunctional adult" for a good bit.

Welcome, and I hope that with all the range of experience we here on PTSD have, you can find a place of hope and healing.

Hi ILC, welcome aboard this DS lifeboat. I think Muji gave you some really useful information. PTSD is the reactions that go on after there have been traumas. They are not necessarily from serving in a war or being in an accident. You have described having PTSD by your symptoms. When I first came onboard, I read lots of posts and replies as many replies shared tools others had helped them. Feel free to do so. This is a caring and sharing board as there is no quick fix for PTSD. We do make progress in making the internal changes needed to cope with triggers. Welcoming and comforting hugs.

Welcome to the board Ilike…… This is a great board with some wonderful and supportive people..... Big hug....xo

Welcome and I am glad that you are here. I am use to numbness also and it goes and come for me.

Welcome to the group. Numbness for me started as a protective reaction that eventually became a coping tool that has long since outlived it's usefulness- but I'm still working on that.....

Best wishes on your journey.

Yeah, as you can see we're with you, i_like_cheese. It doesn't make it any less of a hassle to cope with for those of us who are stuck with numbness long term, but at least we know we're not alone. There's even a hit song about it, "Comfortably Numb," and rest assured that the "comfortably" word in the title is ironic.

I saw the band perform it live in 2017 and being in a audience that "got it" was really therapeutic for me and my daily struggle with dissociating with PTSD.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrWZNAQrkf4

It really spoke for me and how I got "Complex" PTSD from repeated trauma over years as a kid when the chorus's lyrics in the song said:

"There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying
When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain you would not understand
This is not how I am
I have become comfortably numb"

A guest singer sang that part, Billy Corgan of Smashing Pumpkins. It didn't fix my problem, but like coming here does for me, it helped to know I wasn't the only one. For those words to be sung by Corgan with me and 20,000 fans in the audience singing along made me feel less alone about struggling with being numb for once. That much I'll never forget.