Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Been months since I posted on here but I needed somewhere to vent my distress with people who understand.
My PTSD is out of my control, the flashbacks are worse, I'm often having panic attacks. Last night I had a body memory, it was horrifying. I was laid on the hard cold floor and I could feel his hands wrapped around my wrists holding me down. Trying to kiss me whist I desperately pulled away. I remember the exact words he spoke to me "You're my beautiful boy now" as he continued to sexually assault me. It feel so real and I was sure it was happening all over again.
Also, my bulimia is out of control. I purge everything I eat up, it's exhausting, but something is telling me I have to do it.
So yeah, things are shit at the moment.
My PTSD is out of my control, the flashbacks are worse, I'm often having panic attacks. Last night I had a body memory, it was horrifying. I was laid on the hard cold floor and I could feel his hands wrapped around my wrists holding me down. Trying to kiss me whist I desperately pulled away. I remember the exact words he spoke to me "You're my beautiful boy now" as he continued to sexually assault me. It feel so real and I was sure it was happening all over again.
Also, my bulimia is out of control. I purge everything I eat up, it's exhausting, but something is telling me I have to do it.
So yeah, things are shit at the moment.
-
I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
-
First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...
hope you see better days ahead.
Things sound pretty awful, yeah. This stuff comes in waves.
I do not know but I do believe that need for purging is very, very real, even if science cannot yet measure the physical components of the need. The body memories are the epicenter of what needs to be purged. I often wonder if purging food is kinda like craving sugar when your body needs protein. In my own strictly personals, bulimia never hit my problem list, but I often starve myself. Perhaps a slightly out of tune way to say, "NO MORE." My mother tried to bury hers. 400 pounds and still shoveling.
My personal herstory is bi-gender, child prostitute/porno complex. Way more than one set to process. . . I does get weary, but. . . The cosmos forgot to ask my opinion again. . . It is what it is, whether I approve or not.
My own first step toward the emotional purging is simple awareness. Passive observation. After decades of practice, it remains a challenge. Every fiber of my being still feels the hysteria. Once I can calm the hysteria, I can often "see" the infection and focus my healing energies accordingly. It is hard stuff to describe in words. It is even harder to predict.
Hope I am not spinning off too wildly here. . . Just disregard, if I am.
Mostly want to welcome you back and offer gentle support while you sort and purge. Sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.
I have an eidetic memory which means that all of my flashbacks come with all of the human senses, including my thoughts/feelings at the time. I suppose it's what you'd call a body memory.
I don't have any advice for how to get through them (because I can't tell I am not back there as a child until I realize I am in the present) but I can give you some grounding techniques I use once I realize I am back to being an adult?
The worst set of flashbacks I've had as an adult happened about a month ago, and it hit me hard because there were multiple flasbacks back-to-back and at one point they seemed like a transparency (multiple flashbacks happening at the same time). My senses got overloaded, but I did manage to ground myself and be back to by "normal" within 30 minutes of the flashback set (which is good for me, I think).
Most of my grounding techniques are pysical (because it's the easiest way for me to reestablish that I am not a child again); if you'd like I can write what I do in a list and send it your way? You might already be using the techniques, or not want help, so I understand if you'd really rather not. :)
(((hugs)))