Was your stepdad reported to the police? Rape is a crime. Rape against a child or teen is a worse crime. He needs to be behind bars for what he did to you and also to be kept away from harming others. Talk to a school counsellor or call the child/teen helpline to report him.

Call a sexual assault line. They are specially trained in sexual assault, panic attacks, and more and can help you with your situation. You deserve help and there are people out there who can help you. Reach out to them.

I agree that what you are suffering with is called triggers. It's painful for you because of the fact what happened to you then when someone come along and say something that is similar to what happened to you it made you relive the seen again of your mother drowning you. It is impossible to even hear someone joke about such thing because the same feelings, thoughts, and painful memories will surface.

do you seriously really believe it's as simple as 'reporting' Hope? giving advice like that without knowing the details is reckless and small-minded thinking. do you really think a simple report makes someone go bye-bye behind bars? poof. done. nope.

Hi Dash,
Anyone who says on a public forum that they have been raped needs to report the rape to the police especially when they haven't done so. Scarred2020 said her "Mom was still with her stepdad who raped her as a kid which hurts worse". The triggers of both the drowning incident and from the rape need to be helped by sexual assault counselors which the police can also refer scarred2020 to. Reporting is better than non-reporting.

First, welcome and sorry for what's brought you here.

Second, are you in a safe place? You write that you're 15...are you still living with your mother? You wrote that she tried to add you to facebook, which makes me think that you're not living with her anymore...but...I have to ask.

If you are still living with your mother, then you really should report the situation to someone...a teacher, school counselor, nurse...anyone. And you need to get to a safe place.

As for reporting the actual rape, you've got time to think about that. Usually the "clock" doesn't start counting on when a rape has to be prosecuted until someone is 18. It's COMPLETELY up to you to decide if you can face that or not. That said, you can always contact RAINN 1-800-656-4673 to just talk, discuss your options, whatever.

My daughter is 15. There's a reason why things change at 18. For one, a line has to be drawn somewhere. Flat out, 100%, a kid doesn't have the same responsibilities nor rights that an adult has. You can't decide where to live, you can't decide to go to school or not, you can't decide most of your medical care, you can't own property, and so on. Because you don't have choices with so many things, you have other RIGHTS. Rights to take your time to think about what you want to do. The Right to know that you're responsible for NOTHING that has happened to you. (Someone else is.)

As for panic attacks, they suck, but they're survivable. There's lots of information online about how to deal with them. (Distraction, counting, breathing techniques, all sorts of stuff.) If you're in fostercare, you should be able to get counseling. If you're living with a family member, you can call RAINN and see if you can find something locally available.

Again welcome,
Heartfelt hugs,
Patti

Took me forever to reply, apologies. My sister tried twice to drown me when I was little. Someone else "jokingly" tried (allegeldy goofing around but I freaked)... I still fear being in the water if other people are near me. Water, no. People, yes.

There's a lot good stuff here, and... in your situation, I would've screamed and done a lot worse. Big hugs of support from the old puma.

Took me forever to reply, apologies. My sister tried twice to drown me when I was little. Someone else "jokingly" tried (allegeldy goofing around but I freaked)... I still fear being in the water if other people are near me. Water, no. People, yes.
There's a lot good stuff here, and... in your situation, I would've screamed and done a lot worse. Big hugs of support from the old puma.

Sorry I'm late to reply, s, I've had a little crisis of my own going on. I wanted to welcome you and just say you're not alone. My panic attacks involve triggering my gag reflex and I prefer open shirts and such because my mentally ill dad choked me when I was 6 years old. Hope you're safe. Glad Patti gave you that number for more support should you need it beyond ours here.

Thank you all so much, yes he was reported, but i didnt tell anyone until i was 13, so he was released due to lack of evidence, Yes i am in a much safer place now, i live with my grandparents across the country from where she lives

Scarred2020 you are so brave and I am glad to hear you reported him but so sorry to hear that he was released. You didn't deserve to be treated like that from him. What he did to you was wrong. He has a sick problem in his head and heart and is 100% at fault for what he did to you. It is never a child's fault no matter what. Many people who have been raped feel like they are not loved or lovable but that is not true. You are loved and worthy to be treated with dignity. Many people who have been raped think they are "less than, different, dirty, and it is their fault but these also are all untrue too. You are not a second class citizen but equal with all the rest of us in this world.

I am glad to hear that you are living with your grandparents who love you and that you are living in a safe place.

Does where you live have a Children's Hospital sexual support group for teens or a sexual assault line or counsellor that can help you with any of these things? Also EMDR therapy (Level 2 certified counsellor) is very helpful for recovery both of your near drowning, panic attacks, and rape situations). Maybe look that up online and talk about it with your grandparents or counsellor if you think you would like to try this therapy.

It is also helpful to connect to others who have gone through what you have. Have you heard of Sheldon Kennedy? He was a hockey player that was sexually assaulted for years by his hockey coach and now has a Centre for helping children and teens recover. You might look him up online too.

I have found this really helpful in a panic attack:

Say these outloud:

1. Three things you currently see. (Say, "I see ___")

2. Three things you can hear right now. (Like "I hear the clock ticking in the room")

3. Three things you can feel right now. (Like "I feel my toes in my shoes")

Saying these outloud will immediately ground you into the present and help you with any triggers from the past.

When I had to flee my home and go to a shelter, I got a card in the mail that has helped me many times. It said, "This too shall pass."

Slogans are good brain food. Find ones that bring you comfort and encouragement. May today be better than yesterday and may tomorrow be better than today. You are going to make it! You have a good future ahead of you! We are cheering you on!
My Scottish heritage has a clan motto that says, "Hold Fast" so I say the same to you: "Hold Fast"!

To Patti22-- don't know what country you are in or your laws there but in my country anyone who is 16 can legally leave home. And our Child Assault Unit with the police works with all ages under 18 especially in sexual assault issues. We never advise anyone to not report child rape. Child rape is a serious crime and must be reported here in our country no matter what. Maybe Scarred2020 can look up the laws in her area or talk to her grandparents about civil court action against the rapist for emotional damages even if he wasn't criminal charged. We can do that here in my country and the only evidence needed in a child rape case here is the testimony of the child. So I hope Scarred2020 can find some good help from a sexual assault line and get some good legal advice also. Thanks for your caring, Patti22, we all feel deeply for Scarred2020 and her situation. All the best to you too!

hi

My dad drove the family car with us in it into a flooded, rushing river when I was 11 years old. We had to be rescued by farmers who dragged us out of the river with a tractor. Nutty. He went on to drive the family into danger again, too.

So drowning parental abuse is a trigger for me as well. I can go to the beach or visit with friends by the pool, but I quietly and for my own private reasons prefer not to go into the water. I'm glad the responses here made you feel better. You're not alone. You describe how you cough and cry when triggered. I do, too, coughing until I throw up. I did it a couple of months ago. I take mucus pills every day to thin my phlegm so I have a better chance of getting through a triggered coughing fit at work without throwing up.

As for the topic brought up here of leaving home, by the time I was 17 my father's nutty dangerous behavior switched to keeping a shotgun in my bedroom. He put bars on my bedroom window and then began attacking me there, with that gun in the room available to me. I figured out that he was suicidal, but he wanted his family to be involved to mask his suicide.

I refused to volunteer for that, so I left home at 17 in the middle of my senior year of high school. A college president visited my dad's church and I got him to rescue me by giving me early January college admission. It took 5 years after that for me to see my first therapist, but it got my recovery started with safety.

He followed me to relocate the family to where I'd gone for college the next year, doggedly determined to get me to play a part in his self destructive fantasy. Then I transferred college to another college 3 states away to safety again.

My father eventually had a psychological breakdown. He went from being a white collar professional to cutting lawns for a living for 8 years. Then finally he was unable even to do that because he wouldn't ever get therapy. I visited him then hoping he was safe, but he still attacked me. So I "divorced" my parents eventually to stay safe permanently, and it's been really positive for me and my PTSD recovery.

Your thread's title here reminds me of that saying: "hurt people hurt people." If they won't get help, I've found the issue to be safe boundaries.