What happened to you is called a "trigger". It sent your mind back to your incident and the terrors of it. The reaction was normal, something we call "fight or flight" instinct, which every human has. There is absolutely no shame in you having an attack. I would be more concerned if you didn't. Sorry you had to endure something so horrible but you will see all of us here will help however we can.

Thank you... i just, she recently tried adding me on facebook and it got me all shook and shes still with my stepdad, who raped me as a kid, which hurts even more, and i just left it open because i didnt know what to do...

That is A LOT to take in at your age. Hell even in my ancient age it is a lot to take. You did the right thing on facebook. Leave it open or delete it completely

It just hurts... yah know? the person whos always supposed to be there for you and she just ruins your childhood and acts like everything is okay?

Well yes it truly does I can understand that. It is a betrayal of everything a parent stands for. I wish I could say this is the only occurance, but it will likely happen again. Reach out to us on here. We can help prepare you for the next time, whenever it happens. Side question, do you have anything to calm you down for anxiety?

not really, i have my boyfriend who is normally the only person who could help me, but other than that i just start to shake, but idk what would help me

Im not a doctor but there are numerous medications to help with anxiety. If this happens a lot, its a dosorder, if its once in a while its considered an attack, both are scary enough in their own terms

thank you, i will look into a medication

my mom tried killing me so I know how it can mess with your head.
I tell myself it's her and not me but it's impossible not to take it personally.
now that you know what a trigger is you need to learn how to ground yourself. google 'grounding techniques'.

No problem. Its a tough thing to tell your doctor all these things but their job is to help you. I have a fantastic medical team of my doctor as well as multiple nurses and a physician's assistant. They know me at times better than I know myself. The more they know the better they can help

Grounding techniques are wonderful. They help me with my horrible flashbacks. As the above person stated, it is on your mom, not you

Thank you guys so much, i feel so much better now :)

Youre very welcome

50 some years past your age and it still triggers me, but it's like NYerinWI says, a trigger to a past event you survived. In between 15-now, I did find happiness for a while, and am working my way back again. But I did a lot of creative and good things with the energy that was part of the triggers. You can also block her posts from appearing anywhere on your FB page so she doesn't use your friends list to side door you.

Some suggestions for calming and grounding.
Breathing to a slow count of four in, four out (good for your system too), these can be done in sets. Touching and describing innate objects around your room (tables lamps dresser etc), this helps the now is now identification for your thinking. Drawing, writing (brain and hand are engaged doing one thing, enough to blot out other influences), playing guitar , petting a fur baby....all and more help to ground you with in the moment sensory input. I sip ice cold water and eat one M&M at a time slowly, concentrating on the flavor of chocolate as it melts in my mouth not in my hand.

I also found al-non helped me at your age to give support and tips for dealing with the aftermath of erratic behavior I faced. My mother drank, but never admitted it as a problem. It taught me about co-dependent behavior signs and enabling.
Parents are not tested before they have kids, but for some I definitely think it should be required. Post and journal as needed. The journal her can be set at different levels of privacy. I have a couple that are for me only as i sort things out. For others feed back from friends helps.
Support. J.

I heartily agree with those grounding techniques. Another is to find things were you are and check them off. "Find something black. Ok the tv is black" "Find somethng <color>. Okay item is <color>

Or there is one tv, 2 chairs, 3 bookshelves, 4 shelves on the bookshelves...etc. its all distraction techniques