I've found that others can't grasp how the extreme trauma we went or go through becomes a part of who and what we are. It affects how we interact in our world. Yes, our lives go on, but in a much different manner. If only people would accept us as we are and not what they think/feel we should be and support each others needs of which are different from person to person, creating individuality.

what happens to us when our needs are not met or what we feel is dismissed or invalidated especially by the people closes to us is: The reason it's important to satisfy our needs is because we feel emotional pain when they're not met. You may be in pain and not know why or which needs are not being fulfilled.

No one who has not endured similar suffering has any understanding of what we need. Often, people are so busy just trying to meet their own needs and obligations, like providing children with physical necessities, food clothing and shelter that they are overwhelmed themselves and can not take the time, or do not know they should take the time to try and understand what their loved ones are suffering.

What they are saying to you is like, seeing you run over by a train, body parts in the trees, and telling you, hey, get up and walk it off. It is absurd. Worse is that it inflicts pain on us very similar to the pain we are trying to recover from.

I am sorry for the suffering that brought you here, but happy that you have sought out support. We need to be validated, not dismissed. Listen to me, validating you.

if it is possible for you to respond to those saying such things to you, consider somthing similar to this;

please stop saying this to me. You are increasing my suffering instead of relieving it.

I know we want those closest to us to validate what we feel, to nurture us and help us overcome our suffering. This is not always possible. I pray you feel validated here. Only those who have suffered as we have can understand what we need and help us find out way through it.

This response might be completely inappropriate. I am so very angry about this. I am a father. If my child expressed this to me??? What you are hearing is the last thing i would ever say to them. My daughter told me her moms bf raped her when she was 14. She told me this when she was 16.

I found out who he was. He was charged. he was NOT convicted. I hired a private investigator. Had dude followed. He committed other crimes including attempted murder and is not in prison in texas on a 40 year to life sentence. ass is 52 years old, he will die in prison.

I researched how to support rape victims, Actually became a crisis line volunteer. I worked my ass of spent so much time and effort and MONEY to make certain I could support my child and give her everything she might need.

This is as i said probably so inappropriate but frankly, I wish the same thing that happened to you happens to whoever is telling you, "get over it" and "move on"

freak that, and freak them. They may as well tell you, oh hey i know you did not like it but i dont care. Knowing all about it, i dont have any problem that you suffered, and? not really interested in making any efforts to CRUCIFY those who hurt you,

The freaking informant ass morons telling you this? They are as guilty as whoever hurt you. It just pisses me off. It is no surprise you feel so bad. I am so deeply sorry, as sorry as i am angry and gawd i am angry.

Sure, I'll move on. Just as soon as the nightmares do. And the flashbacks. Oh, and the scars I can't not see. No problem. Note: That was all sarcasm.

We all respond differently to situations, but there is no excuse for saying "that's not a problem" to someone else. Ask them why they feel as they do, but don't tell them to not feel. IMO.

Support

Niki903, since I taught nursing classes for caring for terminal patients, to work through my own trauma to acceptance I use the Kubler Ross grief model she taught folks concerning death and dying. It's a five step process (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance) not just some instantaneous leap to get us to acceptance. I invite anybody who really wants me to accept what happened to me to work on those steps with me and go the distance. Often that challenge bears out whether they're just trying to say I should move on for their own selfish reasons because they don't want to hear me out or whether they'd like to help me process my pain.

I completely sympathize with this. You can't just get over something. Trauma takes a while to work through and sometimes it just resurfaces.

Sorry you're getting this response from your family. It's, of course, not anywhere near that simple or easy. The charitable attribution is that they don't like to see you in pain and don't know how to or can't help.

People here understand. A good counselor or therapist can also be a resource. We all move forward in the way and time that works for each of us. I think it's a pretty individual thing.

I can’t seem to move on either. Or “get over it”. People here tell me it’s okay to cry. I don’t have any answers. I wish I did. Godspeed.