Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I consider my proactive healing journey to have begun in 1972 when a nearly successful suicide attempt (not my first) led me to my first therapy session. At that stage I was nearly 18 and a drug addicted prostitute living on the streets of Detroit. The therapy did not continue long enough to generate an official diagnosis beyond "suicidal ideation." Two years later I was fanatically clean and in the Army. I was in counseling and diagnosed with "Trauma Induced Amnesia." I refused to take my memory loss as any less than a blessing. I was sure there were other ways to solve the insomnia, flashbacks, etc., and remain blissfully ignorant of what had led me to the street life. I finally accepted the need to deal with the repressed memories in the late 80s.
Fast forward to 1999 and my last hospital stay. It was triggered by stress and an old man sequence not too awful different from my recent father-in-law sequence. Young-at-heart old men are profound drops in the grey tsunami...
Being triggered by my father-in-law's tales of his 99 year old young-at-heart (and zipper) buddy caught me off guard, but the memories that he triggered were already recognized and reasonably well processed. It is still far from pleasant, but I believe I am getting past it well enough. Fertilizer happens every day.
The contemplation of this rambling is whether the phases and stages of PTSD healing can be defined. Am I healed?
Fast forward to 1999 and my last hospital stay. It was triggered by stress and an old man sequence not too awful different from my recent father-in-law sequence. Young-at-heart old men are profound drops in the grey tsunami...
Being triggered by my father-in-law's tales of his 99 year old young-at-heart (and zipper) buddy caught me off guard, but the memories that he triggered were already recognized and reasonably well processed. It is still far from pleasant, but I believe I am getting past it well enough. Fertilizer happens every day.
The contemplation of this rambling is whether the phases and stages of PTSD healing can be defined. Am I healed?
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...
For me, I'm kinda taking it like my lifelong epilepsy. I will never not have the diagnosis. What I can have is a full and active and fulfilling life *with* the dx. Got the epilepsy controlled, regained high function physically. Will always have to deal with physical pain from injury, but regained walking (most days without even needing a cane around). Will get the PTSD to a stage of high-functioning me.... it won't mean I don't have PTSD so I won't be "healed" exactly----but maybe, as my mom is a recovering alcoholic, I can consider myself as always in a state of "recovering PTSDer"....If that made any sense at all.
Probably not, but that's where I'm at in trying to find "stages"....steps.... something.
You've accomplished amazing feats. My admiration to you.
I'm sorry for how memories are being triggered for you these days, but seeing how you process them is really great, just speaking for myself. I appreciate that you share that. I can go on, too.
Sorry about the "fertilizer," as you put it, but you're bringing about growth and not just for your own self, but for others like me.
I have had periods when things seemed to be going good - not too anxious, working a lot, and hubby being good (he is bipolar and schizo-affective- voices caused violence that has not been repeated).
But it seems I just fall down after a while. Sometimes I don't have the time to get to therapy or the psyc dr. (because of work) so I put it off. Work gets so stressful (I am not the only one there saying it either) that I don't sleep or eat right. Then the holidays come with all the questions - so are you going to see your family? People have no clue how terrible that question make me feel. I can't say yes because I don't see them- they are toxic- and trying to explain your family is like a bunch of cultist without the religion part just make you sound like a terrible child. The whole family thing at the holidays just brings up bad memories for me. Both my hospital stays were right after the holidays (this year and last year).
I feel like I am failing at this. That I am not making any progress with feeling better and getting back to a "normal" life. My new meds are working and my new therapist is good. New psyc dr. is good too- has experience with PTSD, spent over 1 hr. on first visit going over things with me and said that despite the hospital dr. list me as major reoccurring depression, she is diagnosing me with PTSD with anxiety and depression. She said I don't have the majority of major depression symptoms, I have very clear symptoms of PTSD and anxiety. She also did go over my background too in considering her diagnosis. Very validating for her to realize that any depressive symptoms are caused by the nightmares, flashbacks and anxiety causing me not to be able to do the things I want and need to do.
I just wish I could move forward quicker but when I try, things go bad. Maybe I need to learn to have the patience with myself that I give to others and stop beating myself up over the things I have not accomplished yet.
By letting me know these things take time, you have reinforced what therapists and friends have told me- this trauma didn't happen quickly and recovering from it will take time too. Be patience with myself and stop blaming myself for not progressing "fast enough" .
Thanks and hugs
RR