Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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I am getting so frustrsated with people. It makes me want to stay away from the public. I have volunteered to help a few trhings that I really believed in. Start going good feel good about myself. Thinking I am getting better and then things change they give my job to someone else and give me the piddly job......I did nothing wrong was where i neede to be ,was on time,emotionally ready. So now I am getting to the point when that happens I tell them I know longer want to be part of whatever it is. I am hurt then get angry inside. Then I get confused and down thinking life wont get better. I went to my counseling appointment and she said that it was not me it was them that have a problem and that sticking up for myself is a good thing......I understand what she is saying but it feels so weird. I used to not let things bother me and can shake it off. I did not let anything hurt me because I was kind of numb.. It is so hard to start sticking up for myself because it tis not my nature. I just have to get myself to understand that it is good to stand up for myself and tha I have every right to be upset.. Does anyone have advice or experiencing the same thing?
Not sticking up for yourself and 'shaking things off' seem survival mechanisms instead of being in someone's nature. I'm a single mom with c-PTSD and learned to recognize triggers from family members before they did and then did everything in my power to prevent the usual abusive response. It was a major and impossible responsibility. I was never enough kameleon to adjust to their wants and had no chance to be 'me'. Sticking up for myself was punished or ridiculed. I even was told to not stick upfor myself and undergo abuse.
When I became mom to a daughter of my own, she had no problems saying 'no' and not only in the terrible two's. So me, having panick attacks just to set a boundary, afraid my 'no' is not accepted, even punished, now have 9 yr old who actually forces me to say 'no' to her. Not saying 'no' would even be neglect. She needs healthy boundaries and needs to stick up for herself in relationships. Our parent-child relationship is making a blueprint for her future relationships and the way she negotiates what she needs. Strange huh, that the things like sticking up for yourself feels alien and not natural while I have never met a healthy child that didn't say 'no' even at two uears old....
I'm proud of you. You being less numb shows me that you made progress and allow yourself to feel upset again (probably since many years). You even are sticking up for yourself even though it feels unnatural to do so! Good for you.
Hugs,
Angeni