Gentle empathy, Angela. Hope you're being extra gentle with yourself while you recover. Congrats on finding the courage to take it as far as you could. Sounds like you grew a good bit of self-awareness in the effort.

I don't WANT to deal with my PTSD, but trying to ignore it has proven to be something like hoping the cavity in my tooth will fix itself. The harder I ignore it, the bigger and more sensitive that hole gets. The sooner I submit to the drill, the less the drilling I have to submit to, but. . . I can still think of allot of things I'd prefer to do.

Continued support while you work the process, Angela. May the gain be worth the pain. Healing hopes.

You are doing a lot, so go soft on yourself, and that wa great progress just *going* to exposure therapy! Took me four years to get my butt into a grocery store. I salute you!

Big healing purrs.

Ouch. and a migraine too : ( you did it, you went and you did it. gentle support.

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR TAKING THE 1ST STEP TO RECOVERY.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE CARDS BEING GIVEN ON THE 1ST DAY. GENERALLY IT'S JUST SHARING WHY YOU ARE THERE THE FIRST TIME. BUT SINCERELY HOPE IT HELPS YOU.
I FEE VERY EMOTIONAL HAVING READ THAT THE MAN RESPONSIBLE IS A PUBLIC FIGURE WORK IN AND ADVICE GIVEN TO YOU.
EVERY RAPIST IS A MAN ?
AND MOST OF THEM HAVE RESPONSIBLE JOBS.
WHY SHOULD YOU BE ADVISED NOT TO CONVICT HIM ? IT SHOULD BE REPORT HIM BEFORE HE GETS TO OTHERS.
HE MAY HAVE DONE IT BEFORE & THAT LADY WAS TOLD THE SAME THING, AND WITHOUT PUNISHMENT WILL DO IT AGAIN......SCARY FACTS
AND MOST WILL RUIN YOUR CHARACTER.
YOU ARE YOUNG, PLEASE RETHINK CHARGING HIM.
BE BRAVE, I TRULY WISH I HAD DONE IT, ESPECIALLY NOW.
TREAT YOURSELF AFTER COUNCIING. DID YOU END UP GETTING FREE COUNCILLING.
WHAT CAN YOU DO GOOD FOR YOUR SELF TODAY ?

I been seeing this therapist since Feburary or March i think March. I have gotten to trust her which usually takes years but shes very easy to like. She hasent pushed me too much until now. My therapy is free, they take what my medicaid pays and then after that they write it off because I am disabled, they never charge if you dont have much income. Even when i had some income and no insurance they never charged me to see the shrink there. I was 20 when he raped me so going back 12 1/2 years later would not be a good idea i dont think and i know i could not handle it. They would dig into my history of abuse i been thru, and the self harm, alcoholism etc even though i have it all in remission. They would tear me apart more than i can handle. Even when i went to get a PPO on him 12 1/2 years ago he brought up the self harm but then when they looked into when i started doing it, well la de dah, it was about 2 months after i started dating him! I made tacos tonight and cut up a fresh pineapple both are very yummy! I been taking it easy and talking to my dear friend who is also my AA sponsor who lost his wife almost a month ago. We are there for each other which is nice that he knows he can count on me too at this point. I am calmer than when i first posted this post on here i distracted mysle found my MP3 because after i get off steroids im on for a week i am able to start walking more with my dog and i found it because its been storming out and that makes me anxious and then i can put my music in my ears instead. I know i am babbling but i get like that with anxiety. Hoping i sleep tonight i didnt do much of that last night!

i think you are doing very well and i hope you won't need to answer any more of our questions after all you've been thru today.

so glad you found your MP3 and can distract yourself : ) gentle support xo

Sounds like your therapist is one of the good ones, AJ. Count yourself lucky on that score, 'cause it took me 12 (twelve!) years to find that Good One for me. It's hard, though, as you say, even if you get one of the Good Ones. But with one of the Good Ones, effort at least counts for something. With the therapists I had before mine, I did what they said for nothing. This is going to count. Congrats on your good start.