The Distance Learning system still breaks down in the middle of class. So thats not the good news. What a lemon that $750,000 machine is.

The good news, though, is the class that I heard last week was being cancelled for low enrollment is being reinstated! It hasnt suddenly gained a bunch of students. Its that the way Ive spoken up about Distance Learning machines breakdowns to fellow instructors, bosses, and students has been noted.

Ive been clear and consistent about the problems and the fact that the company technicians keep saying theyve fixed it but havent. Yet Ive still been respectful to all concerned, spoken well in meetings with the bosses, and been collegial with my fellow instructors who are frustrated with it, too.

In the past with my PTSD I wouldnt dare speak up because Id be afraid once I started voicing frustration Id lose control and say something Id regret. And then not speaking up out of that fear would eat at me, and even if I didnt say anything Id give off a crappy mood. Anybody know what I mean about that?

This is a LOT better. I feel like Ive got the rights of a regular citizen who doesnt have PTSD and can problem solve instead of being tongue tied. I actually had a good chat today with my boss when she gave me the good news. Shes been tricky for me about my having chronic kidney disease.

She found that out because I was visiting her home with a group from work and collapsed on the floor there back in 2011. Her husband took me to the hospital. Very embarassing. Later back at work she sent someone from HR to my office to talk to me about whether I needed to leave the job for disability. Scared the heck out of me as to my status at the job. I didnt take a single sick day in 2012.

Since then I really, really try not to let her know any more about my health issues. That worked until this upper respiratory infection I had for weeks this semester. I talked about it here, and you guys gave me good advice saying I had the right to see a doctor about it and take my rightful sick days. I had to take off work to see the doctor for antibiotics. Then after the first round didnt work, I had to take time off work again for a second sick day (only two so far) and a second round of antibiotics. I finished that round yesterday, and Im thinking they worked. More good news.

I mention my relationship with my boss because I know she went to bat with her bosses to get that cancelled class reinstated. She showed me the email she sent them, so I know it for a fact. Its a really good turn in our relationship. It means Im back to more than fulfilling my full time 15 credit hours of teaching contract with the college for the semester. If that class was cancelled I had 14 hours, meaning I was underwater, by one credit. Not good for hanging on to the job for 2 years more until tenure. Now, though, I will be teaching 16 credit hours, 1 OVER my 15 contracted for. Yay!

Good news for keeping my job until the end of the year in May, and maybe beyond, who knows? Good news because I made progress in finding my voice speaking up at work and more confidence about not losing control if I do and acting out of PTSD. And good news giving me more confidence in my relationship with my boss.

Of course, part of me still always wonders if Im being a chump when I trust a boss, thats just that PTSD wariness. But the truth is Ive got a lot to be thankful for today. Its been a stressful 10 days at work at the college, but Ive found that when people reach out for support and advice here and then use it, things work out better. That counts for me, too, in this situation.

Im so happy, and so at peace this evening, and so grateful to all the support and advice you friends here gave me here at DS PTSD on how to deal with taking time off to get antibiotics, and now dealing with job security stress at work. THANK YOU ALL.

Blessings,
Muji