Now? Past age 50? With the wisdom (cough) of age? I stop calling them "friends".

But I get that it's not always practical to dump quasi-friends.
A good response that I've learned reply: " I'd like to do it. But I don't believe that I'll be able to, So I'm sorry, but I'll have to say no."
WHEN they ask why (because they'll always ask why), my response varies. "It's personal", or "it's a long story (Then take about 4 hours in a really round about way to say no...hey I warned them it was a long story. I didn't say that the story made sense. And people that try to push me to do things that I don't want to do, I don't owe them a story that makes sense.)

Guilt is just a feeling. It doesn't have to make sense. Looking back and seeing things that you'd do differently means that you're learning. And learning is a good thing. It's okay that once you were a child and didn't know how to walk. You do now, and so can do things that you couldn't do back then. So why not use this experience to "talk" to someone that you may be wondering about in the future? Then maybe that death will have a positive impact in the future?

Perfect is unattainable...don't hold yourself or anyone else to 100%. There will be people you didn't talk to. Or people that you tried to talk to to help...but it came off differently and didn't help at all.

Strong emotions...makes you human. If those emotions are so extreme that they're making you miserable...then the best thing to do is to go to a doctor. There are WAY too many things that it could be...to take any sort of guess over the internet.

Back to the first, reply, "You really should have checked with me first."

And there are some people who will NEVER take no for an answer. And those people...are almost always like that with everyone. So when someone comes up and says "So Janette said that you were going to do ....., then you respond to those other people "I love Janette, but you do know how she is, don't you?"

I agree with some of what Patti has commented here. That being said I am going to put a different spin on it.

Right- if people are pushing you to do things you do not want to do, they should not be your friend. I was a victim to horrible emotional bullying. My advice is stand up for yourself and say no. It's so hard, I know. Peer pressure is awful.

It might not be bullying in your situation but I give this advice because you need to be in control of your life. Control of ourselves gives us power and confidence. If they do not like you for your decision other people will. If you lie or make excuses you might hold in a lot of guilt or shame. You do not owe them an explanation, especially when they did not ASK you if you wanted to do something. Maybe just not go? Then if they ask why you were not there you can say "no one asked if I could, if I wanted to or if I was busy" Confront it and empower yourself. Be you and embrace it. If you are honest and true to yourself it will be rewarding. Speak your truth.

Strong emotions come with many things, especially Ptsd and hormones! Like Patti said, talk to your doctor and listen to yourself too. In my case I really wish I would have had a therapist and psychiatrist to talk to one another before giving a DX and medicating.

I completely agree with Patti on the death at school. Learn from it, grieve when needed and apply it to your future experiences.

Creating boundaries, and re-creating them as the relationship develops, is part of any healthy long term relationship. Unfortunately. I hate drawing boundaries, but I hate dumping long term relationships even more than I hate drawing boundaries. Pick my poison? Personally, I ply lots of thought and patience to the process of drawing boundaries. In the case of the not-so-subtle pressure of people doing for me what I do not want done in the first place, I might say some version of, "Thank you, but no thank you. Please don't do that again." Repeat as often as needed.

I was dx'ed "Manic Depressive" (which morphed into Bipolar) before PTSD was an available diagnosis. My pros were pretty evenly divided on whether or not to declare the Bipolar an official misdiagnosis. I didn't and still don't see the point in changing the dx. At the very least, both are maladies of extremes and I gained allot of valuable tools from the years of Bipolar therapy which are quite effective for my PTSD symptoms.

As for the death of the classmate. . . Ouch. . . Self-blame doesn't stand up under scrutiny, but it sure seems to be a natural reaction for all. Hope healing happens here.

P.S. I agree that Good Attitude = Enjoyable Life. Even the parts that suck stinking ass can be enjoyable when I embrace them as an opportunity to learn and grow. I keep my eye on the prize.

but not when OTHER PEOPLE are deciding what = good attitude FOR YOU.

you already have a good attitude. i really think you do.

when you go to the dr/psychiatrist - i suggest you do not ask them if you are bipolar. it is too easy to be diagnosed with bipolar and prescribed medication for it.

if you have that, they will figure it out.

it makes a lot of sense that you will have strong emotions at your age and with ptsd,

i'm so glad you feel good about coming here and talking about things with us. this is good and important. we can help as we have been through some of the stuff growning up and with ptsd too.

be gentle with yourself. there is a lot more to life after high school although it won't feel that way now xo

Regarding the being volunteered, you are much better to calmly tell them you didn't volunteer and are not interested than waiting till you are angry and over react, losing a friend. Tell them privately and then publicly if they don't listen that you aren't interested in vol. at that particular event and when you are interested, you will sign up on your own. That you are capable of making your own decisions, then say thanks for thinking of you, but not this time. Otherwise, resentments and unspoken things will build up and ruin friendship anyway.
Regarding the guilt, everyone wonders what they could have done more when someone dies and it is normal to feel guilt, but don't let it overtake you. Pray for family and leave it in God's hands. Believe me, they family has so much they are thinking of, it isn't whether people were friendly w their loved one who died or not.
Regarding the random strong emotions, that is what being a teenager is like and about. You are changing daily and deciding what is most important to you and who you are, of course you and every other person at school is having random, passionate emotions that are all over the place. You will settle in time to who you are meant to be. It is better to get involved in things you love right now, without long term obligations so you can try many things to help others and find your true passions and purpose in life, and yes you do have one, a big one, it just isn't clear yet. =)

People cope with death in digferent ways and I have personally seen some pretty interesting coping skills. Death is never an easy subject to deal with. One minute you could be smiling from all the good memories and then the next you're sobbing because you miss them. You're friends dont seem like true friends who would support somebody in the time of need. It might not be you that makes you feel this way, but the company that you surround yourself with. Im sorry for your loss and I hope you are able to feel less pain as the days go by.

Hey, my personal response to your first question about those friends is to simply say "no" watch to see how they respond to your no, if they don't like it and keep pushing then i think you already know the answer... :/. I wish you well :)

Great advice here and I do wish you all the best on finding your voice. I went through the same thing for years..not being able to say no and people pleasing and have once again found myself in this predicament when I know what it leads it...so many f***S given I have none left and am numb atm with no F****s left honestly and I KNOW better!! People will always ask more and more of you if you don't learn to say no and then you are an A-hole when you do finally say no! No explanations need to be given ( lying will only compound the guilt of making up something to making your NO sound valid). I think the suggestion of "Thanks for thinking of me but no is a great answer." I'm at the point where my answer is "Thanks I'd love to but I'm extended atm." That's the truth!

I'm sorry about your loss and grief is complicated for sure yet we can only do what we can do at any given moment in this life and I've learned it's quite ego driven to think I can control everything bad or good for that matter. If I'm not satisfied with myself first and foremost I am of no help to others. I've ignored my own needs till I'm jaded right now and I don't wish that for nobody!! It will take some time to get my true nature back again after not listening to myself for so long once again. Not trying to make this all about "me" just sharing my experience with you and these issues and hoping you don't have to get to the point of pain where you lose yourself by people pleasing. HUGS!!

Peer pressure is strongest in school, so it seems important, but it turns out that when you look in the mirror in the morning it's just you staring back, so peer presssure's a bogus reason to do anything. You know that. So just say no whenever you feel like it.

As for extremes in emotions and whether they're bipolar, if that's a question that you really want an answer to, a therapist is for you. There's overlap between PTSD and bipolar disorder on the topic of mood swings but the treatment for them is very different, so getting a professional to figure it out will matter.

Survivor's guilt over someone's death is normal. We all examine ourselves when that happens. I had to be pallbearer at the funeral of a friend. I was the last person to talk to him, so carrying his coffin on my shoulder was heavy. I figured out that what I felt was that I missed him, though, not that I was responsible. I still miss him, he was a great guy. A lot of us miss him, and that's ok.