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So ... I'm putting a plan in play.
As things stand, I think I'll be leaving the US, in February 2013.
Heading down to Central America and South America. Probably fly to Panama, and then ... travel overland ... wherever ... from there.
Most everything is already in storage. My wife will hang on to the few things that are still in her house.
Since my C-PTSD incidents, I've seen one psychologist, of my own volition, one court-ordered, and -- today -- a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner.
I've also seen several ENT's about my God-forsaken sinuses, and several ophthalmologists about my ("God-forsaken" doesn't quite cut it) eyes.
All agree ... that a totally different climate ... and a 100% change of scenery ... are probably a good idea -- at least as good as any they can offer.
I have a cousin -- retired Navy -- who's been traveling -- mostly Southeast Asia -- for the last couple years. He'd be thrilled to do the Latin America thing with me.
The Psych NP, today, prescribed Ambien, plus refills, to help the insomnia, and Clonazepam, plus refills, to help the anxiety.
She's also prescribed a lower dose of Cymbalta, to allow me to taper off. My goal is to leave the country on NO prescription meds, but ... before I go ... I NEED to get good sleep.
I've got my packing list, and my Amazon "shopping cart" is full of the things I'll need.
A travel physician has told me that I'll require NO vaccinations for this itinerary -- critical, since -- the last time I headed to Central America -- a DPT (Diphtheria, Pertussis, and Tetanus) vaccine ... landed me in the Mayo Clinic, for over two weeks.
Ah, yes. Good times.....
Life down there should be relatively much simpler and less expensive. The tropical climate should be very easy on my chemically burned eyes and sinuses.
It's an indefinite trip. If I find that I'm healthier down there, I'll pick a place, come back to the States, and move down there ... for however long it proves to be good for me.
Will my demons travel with me ?
Of course ;-) They're even called out on my packing list.
But -- as one who's been to five continents -- I believe that, for me, there will be enough reason to get out the door ... every day ... no matter where I am.
And my cousin ... provides excellent back-up ;-)
I'll be around DS, until I head out. Probably sporadically from the road, too.
Momma' always told me ... there IS NO easy way through this life.
But there must be easier and harder ways, and -- at this point -- I'm taking the path of least resistance. To the extent possible -- with the crosses we all bear -- I think we all should.
Oh, it's daunting. I'll be traveling light, but ... with a load of baggage ;-)
Sometimes, it's good to have a plan -- one that you can execute.
This is my plan.
Meanwhile -- as usual -- I wish you all peace, health, and strength.
As things stand, I think I'll be leaving the US, in February 2013.
Heading down to Central America and South America. Probably fly to Panama, and then ... travel overland ... wherever ... from there.
Most everything is already in storage. My wife will hang on to the few things that are still in her house.
Since my C-PTSD incidents, I've seen one psychologist, of my own volition, one court-ordered, and -- today -- a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner.
I've also seen several ENT's about my God-forsaken sinuses, and several ophthalmologists about my ("God-forsaken" doesn't quite cut it) eyes.
All agree ... that a totally different climate ... and a 100% change of scenery ... are probably a good idea -- at least as good as any they can offer.
I have a cousin -- retired Navy -- who's been traveling -- mostly Southeast Asia -- for the last couple years. He'd be thrilled to do the Latin America thing with me.
The Psych NP, today, prescribed Ambien, plus refills, to help the insomnia, and Clonazepam, plus refills, to help the anxiety.
She's also prescribed a lower dose of Cymbalta, to allow me to taper off. My goal is to leave the country on NO prescription meds, but ... before I go ... I NEED to get good sleep.
I've got my packing list, and my Amazon "shopping cart" is full of the things I'll need.
A travel physician has told me that I'll require NO vaccinations for this itinerary -- critical, since -- the last time I headed to Central America -- a DPT (Diphtheria, Pertussis, and Tetanus) vaccine ... landed me in the Mayo Clinic, for over two weeks.
Ah, yes. Good times.....
Life down there should be relatively much simpler and less expensive. The tropical climate should be very easy on my chemically burned eyes and sinuses.
It's an indefinite trip. If I find that I'm healthier down there, I'll pick a place, come back to the States, and move down there ... for however long it proves to be good for me.
Will my demons travel with me ?
Of course ;-) They're even called out on my packing list.
But -- as one who's been to five continents -- I believe that, for me, there will be enough reason to get out the door ... every day ... no matter where I am.
And my cousin ... provides excellent back-up ;-)
I'll be around DS, until I head out. Probably sporadically from the road, too.
Momma' always told me ... there IS NO easy way through this life.
But there must be easier and harder ways, and -- at this point -- I'm taking the path of least resistance. To the extent possible -- with the crosses we all bear -- I think we all should.
Oh, it's daunting. I'll be traveling light, but ... with a load of baggage ;-)
Sometimes, it's good to have a plan -- one that you can execute.
This is my plan.
Meanwhile -- as usual -- I wish you all peace, health, and strength.
-
I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...
One of the ways South America is skunking North America is in technology sharing. Most notably with their internet cafes. Internet was readily available everywhere I went, even in the most remote of the Andean villages. I will be hoping for updates from you.
great luck on your journey..
I've never had a moment's trepidation about international travel, before, but ... I do, this time, for obvious reasons.
I spent a month in Peru. The Andes are magical. We were up in Colca Canyon. At 14,000', it was like dissociation ... before I really knew what dissociation was. Everybody was green, and moving in slo-mo ;-)
And ... mujicaptsd: considering it seems like that's where life turned rotten for you ... I'm grateful for a positive slant on Uruguay. I can't imagine it's easy looking back on those days, and those places, for you.
People LOVE the town where life turned on me. They find it difficult to understand why I have such extreme difficulty going back there, now.
Last year, my friends got to Montevideo, and ... yeah ... they raved about it. Sadly, the rest of their trip was cold weather, and they underestimated the sunburn potential of the Uruguayan beaches.
When I saw them, they were beet red, and peeling.
The same couple, in fact, will be in Panama, in mid-January, if I can hasten things along.
Chris: a good reminder. Thank you. I've made a deal with my cousin, though: anything worse than a cold, and it's HIS job to have me thrown into a volcano LOL !!!
Tragically, there are so many Latin American places that have been besieged by trauma that ... once my Spanish improves ... I feel confident that I could find a good counselor, down there, and ... cheaply !
I can't outrun this thing, but ... as y'all would understand ... could use a BIG break from it, at least for now. I predict a honeymoon phase, of some length, before it catches up ;-)
Stay tuned....
When it caught up with me in Ecuador, I found support groups which rivaled the healing power of the support groups I belonged to in the 70s. For a long time I thought I was growing too jaded to benefit from support groups anymore until the Ecuador groups reminded me what unity in healing looks like. The groups I found there were new enough to have beginner's enthusiasm.
In February, I wish I can say, I'll travel somewhere too... But it will be a month when I would have to be forced (due to foreclosure) to move out of my house with my family (disabled husband, kids), 2 cats and a dog. I will be remembering of all positive encouragement I read even in between the lines, and I'll make my move almost exciting as a trip to some great place to visit.
This is my plan. And I don't want to plan more at this time.
I love you signature: Wish you peace, health, and strength.
Everytime when I read it, I can see you really mean it.
So, lets peace, health and strength be with all of us.
Vicky.
Beautiful area and friendly people.
Quetzaltenango, Guatemala is wonderful!
Safe travels David.
Vicky .... you've got a rough couple of months ahead. That's for sure. Foreclosures have affected the lives of so, so many. Many I've known walked away from their houses. That, too, affected them. A down economy, a divisive political climate, and financial concerns ... can BE traumas, to my way of thinking.
C-PTSD is COMPLEX PTSD.
From Wikipedia:
"Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) is a psychological injury that results from protracted exposure to prolonged social and/or interpersonal trauma in the context of either captivity or entrapment (a situation lacking a viable escape route for the victim), which results in the lack or loss of control, helplessness, and deformations of identity and sense of self. C-PTSD is distinct from, but similar to, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), somatization disorder, dissociative identity disorder, and borderline personality disorder.[1]"
So ... since a f'n gag order prevents me from telling my story, publicly, let's just say ... after the initial trauma ... my health failed, preventing me from moving away from the community where this all happened.
And ... trauma happened again and again and again, while I struggled with doctors, surgeons, and nationally recognized centers for Immunology, to get my health back.
The neighbors ... just kept on coming, verbally and physically.
Over nearly four years. Eventually, I couldn't/wouldn't leave the house, because ... every time I did ... one or more of them was within spitting distance. It was "herd mentality," "tribalism," or ... a pack of wolves.
I'm smiling to read that some of you have been to the places that I've BEEN, and where I want to go. I've been to Ecuador a couple of times, and loved it, and ... Xela ... is high on the list of "I could live there" places. I spent a couple weeks in Guatemala, in about '94, and fell in love with the people and the place.
And to hear that Arfie found help and community in Ecuador ... simply helps me stay optimistic, that -- while no place may be Paradise ... there may still be help and resources, if I look for them.
Day three on Ambien, Benadryl, a glass of wine, and Clonazepam ... still isn't cutting it. The exhaustion -- as many of you would understand -- is phenomenal.
My coordination (former triathlete, skier, etc.) is almost comical. We walked the dog, this morning, and I kept tripping over my feet ;-)
Yesterday, I met one of my wife's neighbors. Vietnam vet. PTSD. 40 years later ... Tradazone helps HIM sleep, but ... nothing's over for him. He got a therapy dog, Shannon. Wonderful puppy. Big help in his life.
Curiously, we got to chatting because ... he's considering a move down to Belize. I promised I'd come find him, and ... we'd be really kind to each other.
Nah. I won't be disappearing from DS. I've always used Internet cafes on my travels, and still will.
40 years of dealing with medical stuff has made me fully aware that -- even before this trauma stuff -- there were no easy answers for my eyes or my health.
At this point, what I search and hope for are ... doors ... doors I haven't tried before. They may not always lead anywhere helpful, but ... I'm always encouraged when I find one.
Latin America ...just represents a door ... un puerto. We'll see where it leads.
May we all find just that ... another door ... another treatment modality ... a more empathic and skilled therapist ... a pill that knocks a symptom back ... or an environment that lessens our symptoms.
May we never stop trying.
I leave on the 11th, for California. Gotta' help mom rebuild HER life. In April ... at her townhouse ... the neighbor set HIS house on fire. Mostly smoke and water took mom's house down, but ... it was a disaster.
She's been displaced for seven months, her house has been rebuilt, and now it's time for everything to come back and be put back, AND ... for ALL the things (so, so many) that the insurance company declared "total losses" to be replaced.
And mom works like a dog, and commutes 1.5hrs each way.
Having lost most of my opportunities to make positive contributions, I'm hopeful that I can soldier through this, and be the kind of son to my mother ... that she deserves.
Two more eye doctors, last week. Specialists. Over the phone, both said the usual "It can't be THAT bad" refrain, but ... over 2hrs at the first appointment, and FOUR hours at the second ... they figured out I wasn't the usual, over-dramatic patient.
We're trying to get me set with backup plans for my travels. No promises, so far, but bright, motivated doctors trying to get ten gallons of water into a five gallon bucket :-)
Stay strong, all. I don't consider myself any stronger than anybody else. At this point, I just consider myself committed, and .... THAT commitment ... sure comes and goes ;-)