Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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At last we have rain in Central Texas. Even on the most overcast days the sun is bright enough to wash away the electric shadows but today it is not bright enough to turn off the most paranoid of the security lights. The wet pavement gives them a reflected glare in addition to the source glare.
I am trying to be grateful for the novelty of rain without resenting the eye jabs.
I am trying to be grateful for the novelty of rain without resenting the eye jabs.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...
It is the random, unforgiving chaos of electric lighting that is the problem. Definitely reflects (pun intended) the human conflict. Yea, I wear night shades during the worst episodes when I am effectively blind and cannot navigate on my own anyway. Cuts down on the pain.
Don't mind me. Just venting.
If you would like to see it, here is the link (hope it works) - and it may trigger . . .http://getrmt.com/casey6.html?utm_source=iContact&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Robbins-Madanes%20Training&utm_content=
I have a phobia (I can't even name), but it has been in my psyche for over half a century I have no interest in trying to get used to this thing, see this thing as harmless, or to think differently about this thing
Why? Because rationally I already know it's harmless. It has just become a symbol of evil. When I am exposed to this thing I feel like I need to escape before my soul gets sucked out of me.
Forgive me for going through that, but am thinking that maybe you see artificial light in a similar way. You know IT won't harm you. It's not a rational problem with a rational solution. Understanding how you got phobia/trigger certainly didn't decrease your spontaneous reaction.
I did a lot of reading about treating true phobias. Some people recommend exposure therapy, but exposure therapy a certain percent of the time backfires and makes the phobia more intense.
I feel like I need to stay phobic about this thing because it is a 'warning sign' of impending evil. So if it didn't worry me, I couldn't take action to protect myself.
Maybe our phobias are like symbolic early warning systems. But where is the danger now?
I.F. I am to trust my emerging memories, I often slept outside to escape the over-lit madness at home. I found great comfort in the majesty of the star-lit sky and the magic of mystical night lights. I miss them so... Even when I escape to my wilderness preserves, electric light shadows the sky and the mystical lights of night.
Most recently I have been finding comfort in a prayer.
Please heal the children who see only darkness in Your most mystical lights.