Sharing here can for sure help. I used to be on here regularly and found I needed to come back. Practicing self care can help. Asking for help if possible. I'm still learning myself but have dealt w/ PTSD since 2009 myself . I hope others w/ more experience can chime in. Good luck to you!

Projection Warning? ? ?
I am itching to give you the lecture series I have been giving my best-beloved sister (I have 5 sisters) during her entire caretaker life. I've upped the volume and intensity of that lecture series since her nurturing nature has become the official caretaker for two geriatric patients in a small suburban home. She married the father she never had, so one of those patients is her husband. The other is the alcoholic sister between us in age. End stage alcoholism is not pretty.

My best-beloved sis is a whole person whether wants to be, or knot. The half of herself she neglects when she is taking better care of her patients than herself causes all sorts of mean mischief when she neglects her own self-care.

Don't forget self care, Alive. Caretaking is hard work and the whole ship sinks when the Caretaker doesn't take care of her/himself.

Vent freely. Vent often.

Can you describe what being half a person looks like or feels like? Do you feel unhappy with your own life, is that what half a person is to you? Caregiving is hard work, its emotionally draining but its the work of love. Your relatives are so fortunate to have you. If they need 24/7 care and can't be left alone, can you look into their paying for a caregiver some of the time so you have more "freedom." If you are in USA and these are low income folks who qualify for Medicaid and have needs for help with ADLs, look into this. If you just live with them but they can do a lot for themselves and can be alone, then its time for you to do for you some of the time. Its not easy, its hard to change, but you deserve friends, a social life, pleasure in life and enjoyment of life.

As I just wrote to another friend here, speaking of whether I feel I'm getting better, it comes and goes. I'd gone along fine for 5 years myself after I was first diagnosed. Then in my case it was an emotional trauma, a divorce, not a car crash after 5 years of smooth sailing. I ended up in the hospital for 4 days from my PTSD symptoms I'd managed so well up until then.

I'm learning that feeling that getting better comes and goes has a PTSD reason. It seems like our disorder is a lifelong chronic thing that recedes into the background at times but then returns to the forefront again at others according to our stress at the time. It's good to have support in place so as to give it when our own recedes but to have it when it returns under stress and we can't manage it on our own alone for a while. I've found this to be a good place for me that way.

As to being whole, I was broken by a car bombing overseas as a missionary kid when I was 9, so being whole is a distant memory of sweet childhood before that for me now, and tinged therefore with nostalgia for me. I can't give any advice on wholeness, just on living with brokenness. I tend to try to embrace the view Leonard Cohen took in his song "Anthem' when he said "There is a crack, a crack in everything (there is a crack in everything)
That's how the light gets in"

I just hope so.

RossHomes Thank you for You kindness for reading this and Your Advice.

arfie Thanks for the Advice

urbangarden I deal with a Fog over My Life where I can go do something I enjoy and when I get home an hour later I ask myself did I really do that it's just like my mind is playing tricks on Me I isolate myself from everyone here from time to time to be honest I am unhappy, feeling lonley, exhausted all the time, not interested in the house when it use to I love cleaning the house, cooking and alot of other things before, I have to force Myself to go run errands I hate feeling like this and Thanks for the advice

mujicuptsd I am Sorry Your going through this Thanks for the advice I pray it gets Better

Y'all are all in Our Prayers and Thanks again

For me, being whole is accepting one's self and not relying on others for our own true happiness, to love and be authentic to ourselves.

You can still be whole while caring for and loving others if you keep your own health and needs in mind, and, do things you enjoy. It sounds like you need help in this caretaking situation. I'd definitely look for outside resources as mentioned here.

Good luck to you.

Thanks Pukka

There is a lot of good advice and support here alive47. One thought that crossed my mind is what you will do when your mother passes? Sometimes our whole self image and self esteem is tied up in what we do for others and we can crash when we no longer can fulfil that role. I know because of being a mother who lost her children. I lost a large part of who I thought I was. You're such a caring person but it may be time to start building a life for yourself that you can enjoy and find meaningful once the time comes. You matter and are important too. Good luck with it.

Thanks looney1 I am Sorry for Your Losses. There are somethings I like doing and I need to take sometime out and do them before My Caregiver days are over Thank you for Your Advice

Sincerely,
alive47

Huge hug for you alive...... I think these feelings come a lot from the caregiving.... Everything becomes about other people..... Your life revolves around taking care of everyone but you

I cared for my folks in their last years and there was also a lot of grief and pain involved as they were declining...... I was a nurse however this was the hardest thing I'd ever done.... Very difficult and very painful at times

Another hug..... There is a Caregivers board on here.... It's not super busy however there are people on it that may be a good support for you.....xo

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/caregivers

Thanks SunCloudJD I will look into it

This is a thread from last year, so as CL I'm going to close it so another new contemporary one can take its place.