What are you *supposed* to feel like? Seems to me that you have been going through enough to leave my 3 year old grandson feeling like an empty husk.

How's your mother?

Gentlest of restorative support, Rizen. Lots and lots of extra self-care.

When my creativity is at a low, as has been the case in recent weeks, I try to shift the focus to organizing and clearing clutter. Try. As best I can, remembering to be gentle with myself when I can't. I am seldom hitting on all cylinders when my creativity is low.

So sorry you are feeling this way. I felt this way myself through much of my 20s and beyond. If you're tired and worn out, perhaps you need more rest. A lot of people feel "guilty" about the fact that they are tired, as if it is a crime to not be doing something every possible minute. But maybe your body/brain is telling you to rest. When I feel rested up, a lot of other things fall into place. I'm much older than you but I still get nervous around people when I feel I have nothing in common with them or they have some sort of upper hand over me. Yet when I surround myself with people who like me and "get" me, I'm like a different person. So what kind of people are you encountering? You may have good reason for feeling nervous and hypervigelent around them because you do not find them trustworthy. I've been a creative person for most of my life, but like anyone else I have my dry spells. In particular when just getting through a day wears me down I am unlikely to create a masterpiece. As arfie points out, this time can be used to organize your work or other things. My guess is that seeds of creativity are germinating inside you, and sometime in the not distant future they will be like a dam busting open.Maybe my main point is that I have had many down periods over the years in which I am convinced nothing will ever change or get better, but it does. I hope you hang in there; it does get better. I don't mean this in a put down way, but you're still very young. Many adventures still await you. If you are not on meds or don't do talk therapy you may want to check these things out and give them a chance. I'll pray for you.

I know how u feel. And im 27. Its unfair isnt it but we just have carry on and wait for the easier days to come. They will come. Hugs

Both are correct, Rizen. It's overwhelming what you're feeling and it happens more than a lot of people care to admit. I had a couple of mountains of clutter around my living room. I got it into 3 enormous piles...I finally did it...took 2 months, but I did it. And, I too, am not a young you working hard to overcome much...I was though.
Again, the messages are of hope and truth. It seems like you're at the fuzzy end of the lollipop...toss it. Get a new one. You'll start liking things in your life when you start moving even more forward...all the best to you. So many beautiful people and events and choices are in front of you...XOXO

I think I developed a big fiction reading habit as a kid because being raised in a horror show I didn't know how life was supposed to feel other than terror. In fiction I could make believe I was in other people's lives.

I kept up my reading habit until I got a doctorate in literature, and that was as high as that could go. I taught literature for a while, until I decided to try real life and became a hospital chaplain to see how other real people dealt with real suffering.

I found out nobody really knows how to do it. They just make it up as they go along the best they can. That, I found out, is what faith really is.

It sucks, but you're doing the best you can, Rizen. You deserve credit for that.

I'm with Muji. Take credit where credit is due even if it doesn't seem much (((Hugs)))

Hey, I am so sorry you feel this way. I can hear the frustration and anger in your letter and the pain too. I do want you to know that this feeling will pass and you will start to feel better again. I feel we get tired and worn out when we have been working hard and dealing with so much of the trauma events that caused our PTSD. We slip back a bit and feel angry, frustrated, broken and just "what the heck is the point of all this?". I think it is natural to feel this way from time to time.

To help get through it maybe you could tell yourself that "it is ok, these feelings will pass" or "I am dealing with a lot right now and it is ok to be tired." I guess what I am saying is give yourself permission to feel the way you do. I think you will find you will feel less broken if you normalize the way you feel and tell yourself it is ok to feel the way you do.

Right now, sleep a bit extra, look after you and hunker down into self-care mode. Look after you like you would a friend that is hurting in the same way you are. Comfort yourself, treat yourself to a special treat, a movie, and play comforting music. Maybe even journal, paint, take pictures, do fun things!

Know that I am here for you and I am confident you will pull out of this down time. Remember, that when we are down, and come out of it we usually come out of it stronger and often find we have taken a step forward in the recovery process. Better things are coming your way.

Hugs

Thanks for the support everyone. My mom is doing okay but is sore from the medicines. She's 65 and hoping to live to or past 70. The uncertainty and ticking clock of cancer is always hard to swallow.

Yes, Rizen, it is a hard vigil to keep, especially so close to the loss of other family members and the continual cancer media blitz to keep you over reminded.

We are here for you, Rizen. Sort freely. Sort often.

(((hugs)))

Huge hug for you Rizen..... You've been dealing with so much that is so very difficult.... I think your feelings are pretty normal for these circumstances..... Another hug and a blessing.....xo

I find a bit of myself in you, Rizen. I am only 27 years old and I am also dealing with situations that are new to me. New, as in, my first ever experiencing, even though it is normal in our daily living. I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2012 as well as depression. It was a battle in the beginning but over time, with the right help and guidance, I was living a life that was normal to me. Now, due to situations currently experiencing, I find myself at a complete loss and dealing with things that once were easier to do before, now hard for me.

The point I want to make is that you are not alone. I understand. This is the place to come to.

I am praying for you and your mom. If you haven't yet, it might be a good idea to join a support group or to seek a licensed counselor. I know that talking about the situations that I am going through is helpful to me. It might be helpful to talk to your doctor too, if you have not already. Hope you have a good day today.