Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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methinks i am making steady headway into my "new normal" as the matriarch of this odd little ship of fools. i am still calling the children "foster kids" to avoid getting slimed by the mom/grandma snot knots. the stereotypes still trigger me to melancholy over just how much we lost in the tragic accident which took mommy and daddy away from us 3.5 years ago. within the context of a foster family (legally, we really are), i am their guardian and it is riding comfortably. grandparents have no legal power to make decisions over education, social activities, etc., so "guardian" cuts to the legal chase and lets folks know up front this granny has been demoted to "mom." it's normal-for-us. deal with it or increase your social distance. your choice.
social opportunities are opening up for me and? ? ? yikes! ! ! trigger event in progress. . . sending out red alerts to my most trusted therapy supporters.
the social anxiety management seems to be going well enough that the unexpected social events of "snow days" on the southern great plains are quasi-tempting. there is no snow on the ground, but freezing temperatures and precipitation make snow possible for the next few days. those conditions are rare enough this far south that the tradition is to close down the town and watch in anticipation. party time. the anticipation of children who always ask about that white stuff in the christmas pictures is another force of nature. daylight has yet to arrive and the munchkins are already hanging on the steamy windows listening for sounds of snowfall. snow is one of the quietest forces in nature, my loves.
so far my social anxiety reflex to reject before i can be rejected has been popping up in the usual cycles and i have yet to accept an adult social opportunity, but the therapy work seems to be paying off. or am i suffering another delusion of granduer? i'm quite prone to delusions of granduer and take my reality checks seriously. i am actually reviewing the cell phone list and giving thought to seizing the moment. just thinking. . . opening myself to the possibility and letting god lead the dance.
testing, 1, 2, 3. . .
reality checks appreciated. personal experiences cherished. unsolicited advice accepted.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
Seize the moment if you want, because you can always let it go again... Children are also forces of nature, and if needed, can be cited as a reason to exit gracefully. On eof my bffs loves her stepchildren b/c her own are out of the hosue but now she again has "the social shield" as she calls it. She can zone out and excuse it as "checking on the kids", etc.
So a tip from her, more than from me, really. Big supportive puma warmths. Let it snow softly :-)
i thought spouses were the social shield my own spouse and i routinely use one another thusly. we even cover the excuse for the other, as needed.
children are my social motivators. school events, etc., are far more social activity than i am ever likely to pursue on my own. i still can't enjoy adult only activities. adult only equals pretentious and boring in my senses.