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Family ostracism

MicheleOk
MicheleOk

Hello, this is my first time here and I am not sure if this is the correct forum for my situation. I will explain a bit of what has happened and hopefully someone will direct me. Years ago when I was 21 my narcissistic mother had a sexual relationship with my then boyfriend. I am now 51 and have just started to realize the fallout of it all. I told my sister about it in August of this year and she proceeded to tell my entire family, they as a group decided to ask my mother, which of course she denied and they have branded me a liar and have ostracized me from the entire family. I was very close to all of my siblings and the sting of first being accused of lying and then the sting of being shunned is overwhelming. They had the annual family Christmas party Sunday and I was the only member not invited. My sons, nephews, nieces, etc. were all there and it's quite painful to realize I have nobody in this world. I am alone as my life evolved around my family. I am incredibly sad and getting more depressed as days go on. Does anyone have any suggestions as to coping with the grief of losing an entire family? Any help would be appreciated. Thank you.

Bit47
Bit47
Hi. I'm very sorry that happened to you. That all of them would shun you like that seems pretty dysfunctional. I don't know you or them or the details but it seems like someone would have had a thought for you being all alone. I know how it feels to be shunned by my entire family. It hurts a lot. I never got close to them again. I don't have any advice except, if there's at least one person who will talk to you, try to be content with that. I had one Aunt that didn't turn her back on me and that meant the world to me. She believed me and, though she couldn't stand by me publicly, she didn't call me a liar. I hope your children are there for you. This is a great place for support.
MicheleOk
MicheleOk
Thank you so much for responding. I am very sorry it happened to you as well. I am not close to my aunt's or uncles, I don't think they know what has happened or would get involved. I don't know them that well, maybe it's a good time to reach out to them as I have lost my 2 brothers, 2 sisters, nieces and nephews all because I told the truth. It's heartbreaking and I am sorry you are going through it as well.
Community LeaderLeo
Leo
Hello:-) I cut my dad's family out of my life when he died, for good reason.... And I disliked them, but still grieved... And telling truth? Has cost a lot of us here. It's okay to grieve for it, and it *is* a grief. Even tho' I knew myd ad's family were *ew*, I grieved that loss, b/c it wasn't supposed to be that way. I didn't fit their idea of how things should be or what stories were okay to tell, and.... Yep.

A lot of us have no extended family, by our choice or theirs or mutual avoidance, because of things that they don't want to know that we can't *un*know. You're not alone *here* Michele.

(You, too, Bit. Sorry. I'm not on much lately.)

As for advice, I got nothin' but... we're here to listen/read.
MicheleOk
MicheleOk
Thank you, just knowing someone is listening and cares enough to respond is a huge help. A support system makes all the difference. I guess getting through the grieving is the next step.
Bit47
Bit47
Thank you, Leo. I'm sorry for all who have gone through traumas. I don't post much on here either.

Michele, it might well be a good time to reach out those estranged relatives. You never know what a blessing it could be. And if that doesn't work out, there are billions of strangers in the world and I've come to know that sometimes, strangers are more loving and caring than family ever was. I hope your health is such that you can get out and meet people if you choose to. Welcome to DS ♥
patti22
patti22
No advice, but my full understanding.
arfie
arfie
Hi, Michele. Welcome to DS. Sounds like you already have a clue to how many different forums are on this site. I am far from an expert on forum protocols, but I figure the right forum for each of us is whichever forum resonates with our current healing needs.

I would be the one who did the rejecting in my family estrangement 40 odd years ago, but it still leaves a mighty big and messy hole in my life that is a tough heal. Being able to talk about it with people who share my pain on a personal level sure helps. Hope you find such companionship here.

Welcome aboard.
MrMojoRisin
MrMojoRisin
It took me a few decades to get over it, if i even am fully over it, or if anyone can ever really be over the feelings. A quick fix i can't offer, but i do hear you and i do relate.
MicheleOk
MicheleOk
Thank you for the support, it is greatly appreciated. I am trying to make a new life plan as my previous life revolved around my family and I am like a fish out of water in this new, lonely world. I hope to get through the holidays without too much damage to my mind and heart. Hopefully we all come out the other side stronger and happier.
shelda
shelda
I have been accused of things i have never even thought about from my family....my own children..its our society i am starting to think..so much negativity..but try to find the good people ..there are still many :)
MicheleOk
MicheleOk
I am trying to meet people and make connections, living in a rural area it is a bit difficult but hopefully time and perseverance will heal the feelings of being emotionally destroyed. Thank you for the hug and words of encouragement.
Community LeaderLeo
Leo
I grew up rural. I found trees to be very good listeners. I only wish I were being sarcastic. *sigh*
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
My family was a missionary family so we traveled abroad as a very tight unit. But when abuse happened within our unit it had to be addressed, and it was very painful how it affected our close relationships. I had to learn how to make close ties to others outside of my family unit. That was really new to me, so I can relate to how your facing the truth you need to face in your family on the one hand is forcing you to adapt to big changes in connections. I live in a rural area, too, and yeah, it can be hard. Thank goodness for the Internet, that gives us connections like this one when we live in more isolated areas. Much support to you.
brokenlady47
brokenlady47
yeh like shelda I am estranged from my daughter because of she accused me and her dad of terrible things we would never even think of doing in a million years...it's not just society it's the bloody government as well....and I've been on the other side of it too, estranged from my own family of origin (mum, brothers, sisters-in-law, nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents) because they really did do terrible things to me on an almost daily basis when growing up (mum and brothers) and the rest of them were all in denial like your lot....and I have found whether you are doing the etaranging or having it done to you, it still bloody hurts like buggery and takes a bloody long time to heal from, if healing is at all possible, because I believe some wounds can never truly heal, we have to learn to walk with a limp or a walking stick (metaphorically speaking)....I do sympathise :(

hugs

Manda xx
MicheleOk
MicheleOk
I'm realizing that support groups such as this are a much needed source of comfort. I am thankful for each of the responses and stories you have shared. Hopefully I can offer words of support to you as well and please know that there are actual people who truly care and are keeping you in their thoughts. I keep getting updates from random folks around town (whom are unaware of what has happened) about the holiday get together's, dinners, etc my siblings are hosting for each other and it is hurtful to know that I am the only sibling left out. I'm finding it easier to go minute to minute these days versus hour to hour or day to day. I will be totally alone on Christmas Eve and Christmas day while they are all together and I am trying to find relief from this crushing thought. Does anyone have suggestions on how to get through?
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