Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
i don't know which came first, the egg or the chicken/PTSD or the symptoms
hi, new here to this group, I look forward to getting to know you. I have c-PTSD due to on going anxiety and some traumas in life. Most from when I was a child/teenager. My emotions shut off about age 15 when I turned to drugs and alcohol as well as anorexia. All in that time frame my sister was kicked out, my moms best friend died and she abandoned me for her friends kids, my mom said my dad wasn't my biological dad but recanted that and there was some physical abuse and plenty of verbal and emotional abuse. I did some rotten things as a kid, I was a bully for a few years, got pregnant and aborted the baby, became a fall down drunk on the weekends and it was all complete drama with a crappy boyfriend too. There's a little back story, it gets crazier but these memories are what stand out.
Recently my mom hurt my feelings and it all just kept snowballing accumulating more hurts and resentments and guilts. I was stressed out before the fight started so I'm not sure if I was extra sensitive at the time or if I was naturally and correctly responding to her dig at me. Anyways since then I've been having flashbacks and daily anxiety, even while taking Ativan, it's getting better with the emotions from everything but there is a constant anxious feeling, like I'm waiting for something to happen but don't know what. I've tried just squashing stuff with my parents to try to alleviate the anxiety to no avail. It's consuming me and I need a name to call this but can't figure anything out. I sway from missing my parents to being thankful to not have their, what I feel is, abuse of me. Is this grieving the parents I thought I had? Now that the light bulb switched on and I see exactly what they have been and are doing to me?
The funny thing is I'm giving her too much power. I see it all realistically but emotionally I'm stuck. I want validation and an apology from her. Her abuse of me changed the course of my life and I feel like I deserve this much from her. The thing is if it hasn't happened already it probably won't. I've brought up my resentments in the past and all I get is "I did the best I could". Really? The best she could was to bully me and torture me with name calling, threats and physical violence? I wonder if a sincere apology would help me view her different at this point too.
Ive out talked my friends on this subject, I can see they're done and want me to move on, at least it feels like that. I'm even annoying myself with how long this fight has been bothering me. I suppose if she died people would be less bothered about the time it's taking me to get over her I don't know. I think I'm grieving now and that is probably why I'm anxious? Maybe?
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Welcome to the Perseid meteor showers, the "biggies" usually every year. (The Leonids beat 'em one year IMHO).AND today much of the northern hemisphere will see 5 to 99% solar eclipse. How cool is that? Your best bet is to be in the UK or norhtern Spain, where totality is excellent before sundown. Me, I'll get a super duper tiny itty bitty slice of it, so little that it won't be noticeable. New...
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... observed a solar eclipse.
You're not alone on the need for some kind of resolution. Validation, apology, etc., but here's the thing... She really did do what she perceived to be the best she could at the time. My late sister was a horrible person in many ways, and I trace about a third ofmy PTSD to her alone. (Another third is Dad, another third is Life/Medical Trauma.)
Yet I still grieve the "wish I had", and miss the "thought I had", and want the "should have had". We all do, I think. And grief is forever. It goes in cycles, and eventually calm and acceptance dominate, but the whole anger-denial-bargain stuff? Yeah. My sis died 25 years ago, young, of stupidity. I still get angry, anxious, miss her, hate her, wish she'd lvoed me, you name it. I'm a bit less "stuck" about my dad, but go around and around about my very-much-alive Mom. She is why I'm sane. Yet she stayed married to him. But yet and then what huh?
It's always simple to people not experiencing the trouble.
I wish I had answers, but we've got lots of comforting space for venting, and much understanding here.