Love it. Needed it today. Thank you so much.

Thanks, Arfie, for sharing that.

"not a dinner invitation to further hurt and harm"

I get that. I had to disconnect from former 'friends' who I'd forgiven, yet they'd continue the same behavior. My choice was not to tolerate being lied to and manipulated.

Freedom from the insanity; definition: not only doing the same thing expecting different results, but believing a lie.

We all have our defects. Saying "I'm sorry" is good. Acting upon it takes action to not engage in the same hurtful or harmful behavior. Otherwise, we're not sorry for the behavior, only sorry we got caught.

I want to believe the best in people. I tolerated too much, and hence, invited still more hurt. Sometimes, it was best to respect myself enough to disengage from those that would continue to hurt and harm... no matter if they were sick, no matter if I forgave.

The freedom forgiveness brings is immeasurable. Forgiveness of self is also freeing .

Faith. Accepting things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference... praying for those ideals within myself...

Thanks, again, Arfie.

Convincing....

"I think of forgiveness as scissors. I use it to cut the strings of resentment that bind me to a problem or a past hurt."


Hmmmmmm...okay maybe.

There's a trite old phrase that says:

Holding onto anger is like drinking poison, in hopes that the OTHER person will die.

All but 2 have. I am getting there. Forgave me, that's a start.

Without a beginning, there can be no end, jewells.

David, this same reading goes on to say, "Every time I try to tighten the noose of resentment around someone's neck, it is really myself I am choking."

Very similar sentiment.

I laughed when I saw this since they are like swear words to many. They were for me long ago, but we finally achieved that and experienced the freedom that it brings. Thanks of this awesome post, Blaine

I'm not in AA, but AA's ideas work for me in this area. The AA slogan "let go and let God" comes to mind re forgiveness. As you say, resentment tethers me to the very person I can't stand. Forgiveness is letting go. Let someone bigger than me take on the job of settling scores with them. I'll save my energy.

In the end, like the AA idea of making amends, it's a surprisingly selfish act of mine when I forgive someone. I do it for my own health, really.

As for faith, it's Pascal's wager for me. The idea that I'll bet on the idea that the universe is more for me than against me, despite the PTSD evidence from my childhood and other later traumas in my life. That way I'm relieved of some despair and doom and gloom and paranoia. It doesn't mean I'm stupid any more than my forgiving does. I do it for my health again, really.

Blessings, arfie.

A moment which absolutely took my breath away was during a social debate on how there could be a benevolent God with so much evil in the world. Why would a benevolent God permit it.

My son laid his hand on my shoulder and said, "It is how He forges his most strongest treasures."

He even kissed me in front of his friends!

Don't know if I agree, but it still took my breath away.

For me, having faith is believing in something even though there's no proof. But that's different from believing in something DESPITE evidence proving otherwise. That's the line between optimism and codependency for me.

Forgiveness may have saved my life. Forgiveness for myself, forgiveness for those who have caused me harm. Holding on to resentment won't change what happened, just as allowing myself the freedom to try and move on from it won't. But what is the better choice for my future? That's a no brainer.

In the Faith bashing traditions of my multiple Ism birth family, the most tragic loss in my own mind was the ability to say, "I have Faith in you."

arf, that moment your son kissed you and said was he did was priceless!

I am still not sure I agree with his statement, but I certainly agree with yours. Whatever our theological disagreements, my Faith in my son is absolute.

I have Faith in you, too.