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So I just need some support, I feel stupid even admitting to this because I know how stupid I am in this. I just feel really alone and really sad and really stupid.
I copied the MSG I sent the other day to a friend on DS about what happened...I wasn't ready to tell everyone right away, and I still feel reluctant to, but I just really need some support, because I'm feeling really bad...
.....................................
I'm married to either narcissist or borderline or both, not sure. Anyway, as we always do,we go along like everything is normal until he has a blowout, which he did a few days ago.
He went crazy, like he does every now and again and started making very angry and nonspecific threats like "something is gonna happen" and he "is not responsible" for what he is gonna do, etc.
Anyway, I told him to leave to cool off or I was taking the baby and going somewhere away from his behavior (it was scaring the baby too) but he was so angry I was scared he was coming home to shoot me and throw my body in the woods. He goes on and on about "if you take my son away from me" (insert vague threat).
When he got home I told him that he scared me and he looked at me like I was crazy and said of course he'd never hurt me or the baby, he was just angry.
He said what he meant was if I took the baby for a drive to get away from him, he was going to make me find a sitter and go back to work so I didn't get to spend time with the baby (to punish me). How sick is that?! And the reason I stay home is because it's cheaper than paying a sitter, so it would just be to punish me (and the baby) and would cost more. I suppose I shouldn't expect rationality or empathy...
But I'm so deep in traumaville right now, I don't know what to think. I'm totally spaced out in my head, doing the mask thing so everyone thinks I'm fine, but I'm not.
Sry for the long msg...
~Annie
I copied the MSG I sent the other day to a friend on DS about what happened...I wasn't ready to tell everyone right away, and I still feel reluctant to, but I just really need some support, because I'm feeling really bad...
.....................................
I'm married to either narcissist or borderline or both, not sure. Anyway, as we always do,we go along like everything is normal until he has a blowout, which he did a few days ago.
He went crazy, like he does every now and again and started making very angry and nonspecific threats like "something is gonna happen" and he "is not responsible" for what he is gonna do, etc.
Anyway, I told him to leave to cool off or I was taking the baby and going somewhere away from his behavior (it was scaring the baby too) but he was so angry I was scared he was coming home to shoot me and throw my body in the woods. He goes on and on about "if you take my son away from me" (insert vague threat).
When he got home I told him that he scared me and he looked at me like I was crazy and said of course he'd never hurt me or the baby, he was just angry.
He said what he meant was if I took the baby for a drive to get away from him, he was going to make me find a sitter and go back to work so I didn't get to spend time with the baby (to punish me). How sick is that?! And the reason I stay home is because it's cheaper than paying a sitter, so it would just be to punish me (and the baby) and would cost more. I suppose I shouldn't expect rationality or empathy...
But I'm so deep in traumaville right now, I don't know what to think. I'm totally spaced out in my head, doing the mask thing so everyone thinks I'm fine, but I'm not.
Sry for the long msg...
~Annie
Nobody needs this kind of shit.
He seems like at the very least, he's got anger problems. (Duh!) He may very well not be truly dangerous, but he just flips out and when he's in the moment, he goes nuts, but never would "really" harm you. So he leaves, simmers down, and forgets or never realizes what he did and has trouble understanding why you're so shaken. Sound about right?
At the very least, I'd get him and you to therapy. He needs to realize that it DOES damage you, him, the relationship and now, sadly, your child. Does is want your kid afraid of Daddy, never knowing when he's going to explode?
I'd consider taping his next episode with your phone or a flip camera if you can. Then, when he's more calm, he can see just exactly what he said and how he looks. Then, I'd take it to the therapist.
If he has any insight at all, he'll realize that he's being irrational and will want to stop. If he sees it and turns it around that it's all YOUR fault because you MADE him that angry, then I'm sorry, but then he's too far gone to help.
And the baby played with his iPad.
It's a HUGE control play, and it's coming from an extremely controlling and twisted place.
If you think there will ever be peace among you two, I think you're probably fooling yourself. It sounds like you may already know that.
You have some really tough decisions to make in the best interest of your child and yourself. Those kind of cryptic threats should NOT be ignored. Healthy loving people just don't say those kinds of things. They just don't. Wishing you much strength.
I am so sorry Anni, you are in a situation I don't see a lot of him changing for thre good in.
The call? he wanted to see if you were still a mess, pleading your sorry(master) And The Ipod? he should of put up, you already have one baby to care for.
Just right now he is on this side of physical abuse line, but there will be other issues for you and your baby if this continues.
As women of I,S. abuse it is common occurrence that we reach for a hero to take us away and live happily ever after. But choose someone with their own issues. Excusing them because they say they love us.And we feel like damaged material, lucky that anyone will love us. But emotional abuse still takes it's toll. Please look into a "Women's Center" for counseling, they have help and resources available, allowing you to bring baby along so you can get help.
These were not available for me when I was younger, thank God for Francine Hughs, this happen in my area. It was the first big case where a wife was found "Not guilty" by reason of insanity. Made into a movie in 1985. It changes laws and found founding for help for Domestic abuse. Opened the door that what happened "behind closed doors" between a man and wife could cause life threatening damage or death. I took a lot of flack and pain for watching it. But in truth it helped me see I needed to leave to survive. It took me 6 1/2 years of attempts and changes in allowing his verbal abuse to get to me, but I finally made it out with the help of family and friends, hid for four months sleeping in my car on and off.
But I am here.
It took him years to finally get help, court ordered at first but it opened his eyes to what he did to me and never married again.
After thirteen years of domestic abuse at the hands of her husband, James Berlin ("Mickey") Hughes, she set fire to the bed he was sleeping in at their Dansville, Michigan home on March 9, 1977. Mickey Hughes was killed and the house destroyed in the resulting inferno.