Oh Muji,

Please don't be so hard on yourself.

You are NOTHING like your parents.

I completely understand how PTSD can effect relationships, but it sounds like they are very understanding and care for you...

Just remember,it's the PTSD talking,not your natural and quite wonderful core self.

People get triggered. I commend you for doing the right thing and taking responsibility and apologizing. That's huge and takes a lot of courage and integrity!

in my own family relationships, learning how to accomplish the forgiveness process is far more important than being perfect all of the time. it's okay to be human yes, the damage is done, but it's what you do next that counts.

ya done good, muji, as did the other players in the incident. bonds of trust and understanding have been built on less.

! ! ! GO TEAM ! ! !
celebrate the growth.

(((((Mujica)))))
Aqui contigo,
Everyone above wrote good stuff above & I agree ^
I wish I could write better today but I’m foggy but I wanted you to know you have my support amigo :)

Sending, strength, hope & many prayers
Gentle hug <3

Big hug Muji..... It does sound like both were understanding.... Don't beat up on yourself

You've done all that you can to correct things right away and he accepted your apology..... Deep breaths... I agree this was PTSD talking not you..... xo

It happens, amigo. to all of us. Nobody was trying to negate your experiences or beliefs, it was just how it is for us with PTSD. I get snappy and i know it's my PTSD, an dam blessed my hubby (usually) knows too!

lol, I know my response is odd but here we are.

What a great post. Here is what I learned. I had, (past tense) had hundreds of triggers. I shared my triggers with my group of friends and told them, Often, repeatedly over and over, use each of these triggers.

This gave me literally thousands of opportunities, to deal with each trigger, with patience, and peace and self control. Within a few short months, I stopped having episodes like you described. I used to have those so often, it was not just occasionally, it was like dozens of times each day. I was consumed and overwhelmed.

I still have the dozens of triggers others installed within me. I also have many people, including my wife, who pull those triggers regularly and often. Today my wife pulled on one of my triggers, and I responded tenderly with love gentleness and patience. If anything, now when i am triggered, I get quiet, I slow down, I measure what i think and feel, I choose to respond to the person in front of me, and not the abusers in my past.

Perhaps this may give you hope, or some ideas of how to overcome. What an awesome post. You took responsibility, didnt blame others, apologized...dude, you are well on your way, get help from people willing to pull your triggers on purpose, to let you practice over and over and actually CHOOSE your responses. Freedom is a great thing.

I have noticed that I sometimes become a jerk too. I have noticed it much more now as I have analyzed what my responses have been to people in the past and sometimes how I respond now.

It's okay. You have great awareness muji. Feeling like you are being a jerk is not fun. And apologizing profusely probably doesn't make you feel any better because it feels like a catastrophe. I admire your strength, determination and honesty.

TW...This is why I've basically become a hermit. For the first 22 years of my life I think just about every common day item and words/phrases were used and associated with horrid acts. Toothbrush, combs, spoons, forks, knives, leys, furniture etc. No matter how much exposure I've had hasn't helped much and I have breakdown after breakdown. I've been banned from libraries, schools, restaurants and more. I cannot be in public unless heavily, heavily sedated and hours of mental prep anymore. As soon as I tamp down one trigger I'm faced with a dozen more. Every day is like going through a war zone as I cannot rid anywhere of triggers. Windows, doors, carpets, water all associated with extreme negativeism. This is the basis for my disability. The judge who gave it to me saw first hand the nightmare I live. I cannot keep track of the suicidal moments I have in a day. I'm a misfit nobody wants around. Even those close to me and those I would like to get to know.

So, yes, I understand your pain and frustration. I sincerely hope your lady friend sees you for who you really are. Kind, giving, supportive, loving, intelligent. You have much to offer. Don't forget who you really are and not judged to be. Prayer, hugs, support.

Your kind replies brought tears of gratitude to my eyes, friends. It's so great that you understand how it was possible for me to act out my PTSD like a jerk against all of my own real good feelings for these folks. Because I withdrew from everyone for so long, it had been a decade since I'd acted out a PTSD episode with anyone. Now that I'm engaging with people again, I have to learn. They continue to forgive me, and you are helping me with trying to forgive myself. Thank you all.