When we have PTSD our emotions are affected....We can have emotional flashbacks, sudden mood changes ect....We learn to cope with it.

As far as people not wanting to be with you because of it..I'd say don't let the door hit their behind...If they are that shallow and ignorant...i'd say "see ya!!"...

[quote]As far as people not wanting to be with you because of it..I'd say don't let the door hit their behind...If they are that shallow and ignorant...i'd say "see ya!!"... [/quote]

I guess I'd frame that a little differently.

For about 3yrs, my mother dated a guy who suffered from depression. He really wouldn't get help. His depression made him quite difficult to live with and be with.

I watched as my mother sorted through this one -- eventually deciding to end the relationship.

I don't think it's automatically "shallow and ignorant" to NOT want to enter into a relationship with a person who's "mentally interesting."

For some, they just realize their OWN capacities, and that a "mentally interesting" person might exceed those capacities.

And ... in my mind ... if that's what's good for them, it's probably what's good for us, too.

Good point David...But the poster did not mention if they are acting out because of PTSD, or if they are trying or not...The post doesn't say much other than being rejected for having these probs seems like it.

In my replies i'm always on the side of the person with PTSD unless the post specifies that they are acting out or being very difficult to others.

Also under any circumstances if someone doesn't want to have a realtionship with you for whatever reason i'd say the same things..
"see ya!" don't let the door hit your behind!..

I think PTSD does not make someone emotionally unstable, or else we wouldn't be having logical, thoughtful discussions here.

I think when an "average guy" thinks emotionally unstable, he's thinking emotionally out of control, lacking in the capacity to deal w/ relationship issues in a rational way. PTSD, when someone is working with managing their symptoms, does not undermine the logical mind, it just adds on a challenge to it. Our triggers are like phobias, lots of people have phobias- fear of flying, spiders etc. Having a phobia is situationally specific, and it is my experience that my PTSD is triggered by predictable things.

PTSD does not define who I am. I am myself. If I am getting to know someone, I don't feel I need to make a big confession about my PTSD. I am not a leper or a rapid animal. If I begin to know someone well, I may disclose that I was previously traumatized and I work to manage the residual effects of that trauma.

There are some superficial guys how are looking for a sort of pretend perfect person so they never have to deal w/ real life serious stuff. That's not the sort of person I want to be w/ any way.

Lead w/ your strengths, not your labels. Let someone get to know you and draw their own conclusions about how reasonable you are and how fond they are of you. Keeping private information private is not deception. When I seek a relationship I don't seek a care-giver, so I don't need to dumb all my issues on them.

Best of luck.

Well said letitbe. :)

DavidNRockies,
I'd frame some of your replies a little different too....But i have enough tact to not copy and paste them and then point out how i would have respond differently...

Remember we are responding to the poster not making making a critique or "corrections" and pointing them out on each others replies.

Of course you'd reply differently you are you and i am me.

Hi hmfeather: What I realized from someone that does not have PTSD is that others that are uninformed may consider PTSD as a person/veteran who has lost control picking up a weapon and firing at everyone.

Sadly, stigma, NOT TRUTH, can hit and scare away some people.

If you have a little fear of rejection.Hang out here on DS.It offers FREE "Exposure Therapy"...Very effective.After a while you stop giving a damn if you're accepted or not but somehow you still find yourself here. :)

hehehe..(sorry could not help myself).

[quote]DavidNRockies,
I'd frame some of your replies a little different too....But i have enough tact to not copy and paste them and then point out how i would have respond differently...

Remember we are responding to the poster not making making a critique or "corrections" and pointing them out on each others replies.

Of course you'd reply differently you are you and i am me.[/quote]

I'm not sure why you're reacting so strongly to what I posted -- here, in the new post you started, AND in your Private Message to me -- but ... all I did was to give my take on something that you said.

I did that without EVER trying to criticize, devalue, or degrade your comment.

Your comment was just a thought-provoking starting point that I used to add my feelings, which ... were slightly different from yours.

Maybe it's a subtle language barrier, where your interpretation of "I guess I'd frame that a little differently" isn't in line with my usage OF that phrase.

Either way....

I've seen you unleash on DS posters, before.

If you need to do that with me, I won't stop you.

But I will duck. I don't need it. If you need to fight, please fight without me.

I wish you peace, health, and strength.

Truly.

DavidNRockies everything you posted contradicts itself.
I find your comments to me very condescending.


Its NOT a language barrier i speak english just like i do Spanish NO different.

My intuition about you has always been not a good one.
I think is against DS rules to exactly quote another member and make judgements on their comment.

BTW i'm American and my asshole father was a WW2 vet......So your comment about language doesn't stand.

Just do not quote me and if i was you i'd add me to ignore.Because that is what i'm doing with you.

I apologize to the poster but copying and pasting others replies and then "correcting them" is not "kosher".

No, I I have PTSD and I became a hospital chaplain. That made me the go-to guy when a crisis hit, literally. My beeper went off because I brought stability to unstable situations. The fact that I had PTSD helped me understand people at a trauma center.

It wasn't easy. I still have to deal with flashbacks, panic attacks, all the symptoms of PTSD. I got to where I could go to grad school for chaplaincy and then do the job because I never failed to got to weekly therapy and support groups. I accepted that it wasn't curable, too, but manageable.

Now because of kidney disease I can't run around hospital ERs, so I teach Death & Dying to nursing students. Again, I'm stable confronting the final life and death issue. I still have flashbacks, panic attacks, and insomnia, but if I deal with those symptoms I am still stable. Coming here is one way I deal with them. This place is great for me.

The way I see it, PTSD and being emotionally unstable are 2 different things. That doesn't mean you can't have both together, but I've seen emotionally unstable people who don't have PTSD and people with PTSD who are quite stable (& besides, everybody has bad days sometimes!).
If you are feeling unstable, maybe it would be a good idea to seek help for a while before continuing to date. But if you feel fairly stable, then I agree with the poster who said there's not really any reason the guy has to know that you even have PTSD. I've got other health issues as well and I've never brought any of them up unless they presented during a date and the guy asked about them. From my own personal experience, the guys have said they feel helpless when they find out I'm suffering with something. They have always responded very positively when I have given them some concrete feedback about how they help me (just having you with me makes me feel better, I like it when you slow down a little when we're walking because it makes my back feel better, because you always walk by the street and hold me close I am reminded that I am safe with you, etc.).
But some guys are just not the right fit & others are immature or jerks or whatever. I totally get that it's hard & sometimes feels like it's impossible to find a guy who's not gonna bail when he finds out we're struggling with something. The upside is that we get to know when we're still young whether the guy we eventually find and marry is gonna be totally amazing. I broke up with a guy (let's call him John) for reasons I won't get into, but the one amazing gift I got from dating John was seeing that except in one important way he really was cool with who I am - even with all my limitations. He knew about my disability. He knew a little about my sucky childhood (he got a raw deal from his own family). He knew I couldn't have children but want to adopt. He was okay with all of that -- and you know what? He was a TOTALLY awesome guy in so many ways. So now I know I will find someone who has that one important thing that John was missing and it's gonna be amazing and I will know that he is the kind, strong, caring, gentle guy that I really want by my side for better or worse. :)

Ditto to letitbe. Well said. I can't say much because of my return back from the hospital, but that was extremely well said.

This is my home away from home. I love this support group!