Good morning Cry. I understand the not knowing where the next food will come from. As a child at 9 I was under the influence of my mother's ability to argue and fight. So each time we found a place that seemed okay there would be somewhat regular hours and food, but the drinking soon sent us out into the night with just what we could carry or wear that was ours. Mother and 5 kids walking a dark road to find a place to sleep. We even had a night on the bathroom floor of a church. We ended up in a motel with the sanka coffee and powdered creamer for almost a week and a bag or morel mushrooms we picked along the way. Four those days we ate just the morels boiled in water. It left lasting food issues, I hoarded can goods especially meats and simple makings for a long time. But those were just part of the needs that I dealt with. So yes you will deal with it for life in some ways, but you learn to better manage what you get. When I shop I still buy more than what one person needs, but portion the family packs to one or two meal sizes. I stock up on canned goods in season and have them all through the winter when prices are much higher for the same product.
For a long time I hoarded dishes and silverware, glasses, since we never had enough growing up. Sets broken in anger meant waiting to eat and drink when some one else was done, hopefully with food still left.
I was married to john when I hosted a dinner grill for our native seniors. I sat 24 people with dishes and tableware left over. I knew then it was time to cull the stuff. Since it was just John and I why did I need 32 plates, glass sets enough for 8 in four seasonal changes, Silverware for 50? That is just the tip of it. I am finally down to a normal amount for a couple of people even though one happens to be my dog.

Venting and remembering with you, it does get better.
J.

i can vaguely remember a time when all i could find to eat was flour. there was a stove that worked and there was running water. so i mixed it w/water and tried to make a pancake - just horrible. but i ate it.

i finally found an apple tree and was so thrilled. it was the first thing to eat in a week. for weeks, those apples were it.

i had a person/an abuser who doled out food as reward or punishment. often no food for just in case punishment - head game. he practiced brainwashing and this was some years into it.

it makes sense what you are going thru. i went thru times like that, still do sometimes. it is part of it. part of the overcoming process? part of enough.