Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
For about the entire month of September, i have seen myself go into this depression mode that i have difficulty separating it from ptsd. I don't know if you know, but i have been diagnosed with chronic ptsd this year but i have felt that i have had it from young.
My life has gotten worse with my insomnia, which has increased over the past few weeks. I sleep a lot more than usual. I just haven't cared one bit about anything and i just stay watching tv. I have had the thoughts of drinking myself to sleep, but i don't do it. Since my family members are asleep during the night, the temptation arises during that time. My parents are aware of my sleeping but they just think i have a hard time going to sleep. I dont know but have you guys ever cried so much or felt so sad that your own chest hurts when you breathe? I feel like i am in a daze, not really aware of my surroundings and my parents just stare at me. I am angry at the facts of my current life and no matter what i try to do, i lose the motivation after a few weeks or so and i become even more upset and angry. I have no medical insurance yet. There is so much i would like to do with that, like pay Medical bills and look into resources i need for myself.
I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know what to say. I hate when i wake up in the morning, its practically the afternoon and i look miserable. I just have this very bad image of myself and God, like if he is angry at me. I don't know. Some weeks go great and some don't at all. This is a scary slippery slope for ptsd patients. Can anyone relate to me?, its been a couple of days i have not written here so it would be good to hear from you...
My life has gotten worse with my insomnia, which has increased over the past few weeks. I sleep a lot more than usual. I just haven't cared one bit about anything and i just stay watching tv. I have had the thoughts of drinking myself to sleep, but i don't do it. Since my family members are asleep during the night, the temptation arises during that time. My parents are aware of my sleeping but they just think i have a hard time going to sleep. I dont know but have you guys ever cried so much or felt so sad that your own chest hurts when you breathe? I feel like i am in a daze, not really aware of my surroundings and my parents just stare at me. I am angry at the facts of my current life and no matter what i try to do, i lose the motivation after a few weeks or so and i become even more upset and angry. I have no medical insurance yet. There is so much i would like to do with that, like pay Medical bills and look into resources i need for myself.
I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know what to say. I hate when i wake up in the morning, its practically the afternoon and i look miserable. I just have this very bad image of myself and God, like if he is angry at me. I don't know. Some weeks go great and some don't at all. This is a scary slippery slope for ptsd patients. Can anyone relate to me?, its been a couple of days i have not written here so it would be good to hear from you...
much love
Elizabeth
My advise is to keep trying to get a grip. Try different things everyday until you find something that gives you a bit of relief. I keep pushing myself to get up, get dressed and go to school. I did this everyday and I really don't remember a lot of what I learned at school, but I went. I tried deep breathing, visualization, writing a grateful journal etc. I tried walking, swimming etc. None of this I wanted to do, but I forced myself. I continued to spiral. Then suddenly, I woke up one day and found that life seem a little easier. I have a lot of ground to make up as I fell a long way backward this time, but I think I am finally on the upward spiral. Still struggling a bit, but much better now.
Hang in there your upward spiral will come. That is PTSD, spiral down and spiral up again.
I also know how many times what you've written here has been wise and has helped me. Seriously. So I hope what you've given here is something you get now that you need it.
Rooting for you.
Elizabeth, i really do enjoy this group. I know i need professional help and with my recent new insurance, i will look. I don't know if this is normal or relatable, but when i received it, i was happy yet uneasy and stuck because i know what i need to do; it's just about where to start from.
Mari, thank you for understanding my position.
CrazyCanuk, i thought i was the only one with a bad September. I feel exactly the way you do. Thank you for relating to me. It really means a lot.
Mujica- thank you for rooting for me. This has not been my September. It makes it easier for me to see how others can see where I am really at and not judge me for it. most of the times i write here just to get off what's spinning in my head, but i don't realize how words can affect ppl until someone tells me so. I am glad my words were not empty.
Dont get me wrong it doesn't fix it. I still cry, just not as much after my walk. Hope it helps.
First thing first....give yourself a break hon! PTSD is serious and so difficult to deal with, especially early on. I also believe my ptsd began back in my childhood.
I have felt most everything your dealing with as well. Would you understand if I said...how your feeling is normal? Normal in the sense that you are dealing with past trauma and so how your feeling physically and mentally is what I would call typical.....certainly horrible but I swear to you it can and does get better.
Yes, I have cried for hours, to the point of sheer exhaustion. I also lost track of time, events, situations, even my age. Only thing I still have trouble with is time frames from the past. They are fuzzy.
No matter how many times you've lost motivation Kat, doesn't mean you won't get it right the next time. I can sense the anger, sadness and disappointment in yourself, but like I said, ease up on your poor soul for a bit.
My goodness, I promise you that you are far stronger than you realize. Do you know how many people have taken their own life for things much less than what we've dealt with? Yeah!
If you don't know what to think or say....then don't think or say! Just let it be, Kat. Take your day a minute at a time when you need to. Every single day is a new chance to get it right. Chronic ptsd isn't your fault, but unfortunately you still have to live with it. And you can!
Hugs!
Reply#8- Ur words are real and true. U have no idea, well maybe you do, but breaks and being gentle or nice to myself never felt like it was real to me. It was always surrounded by constant chaos, dysfunctions, and unexpected cirumstances.
Now that everything has become full-blown, it is one of the most challenging things for me. It is a real rollercoaster for me to find out that I have this disorder and that nobody around me seems to really care about what's really bothering me at the core. U r right, though. We probably have been through a lot more worse things and we are still here today.
"Yes, I have cried for hours, to the point of sheer exhaustion. I also lost track of time, events, situations, even my age. Only thing I still have trouble with is time frames from the past. They are fuzzy. "
--> This also is a reality for me.
Anywho, I wasn't really expecting a lot of responses and seeing how people really know and can relate to me, it's a good thing.
Thank you.